Page 116 of My Cowboy Trouble
They're all trying to look like they're not dying inside, waiting for my answer. Like my decision isn't going to change everything for all of us.
"I've been thinking," I start, and immediately all three of them tense up like I'm about to deliver bad news.
"That's never good," Gavin mutters, which earns him sharp looks from the other two.
"I've been thinking about expectations. About what people assume is going to happen with us." I take a deep breath, because once I say this, there's no taking it back. "And I realized I need to make something crystal clear."
"What's that?" Asher asks carefully.
"Everyone's probably expecting that eventually I'll have to choose. That this arrangement is temporary, that eventually I'll settle down with one of you and the others will... what? Move on? Find someone else? Pretend this never happened?"
The silence that follows is loaded with tension.
"Kenzie—" Trent starts.
"I'm not done." I hold up a hand, because if I don't get this all out now, I might lose my nerve. "I've thought about it. Really thought about it. And I needyou all to understand something—I'm never choosing."
"Never choosing?" Gavin repeats slowly.
"I'm never picking one of you over the others. I'm never going to decide that this one gets to stay and these two have to go. That's not what I want, and it's not what's going to happen." I look between them, these three impossibly stubborn men who've somehow managed to turn my entire world upside down. "What I want is all of you."
The barn goes so quiet, I can hear my heartbeat.
"All of us," Asher says, like he's testing the words.
"All of you. Not taking turns, not sharing me like some kind of time-share arrangement, not pretending that what we have together isn't exactly what it is." I cross my arms, probably looking more defiant than I feel. "This isn't some phase I'm going through. This isn't me being indecisive or greedy or confused about what I want. I know exactly what I want."
"What do you want?" Trent's voice is rough, like the words are being dragged out of him.
"I want the three of you, and this ranch, and this life we're building together. I want to wake up every morning knowing that I don't have to choose between the man who makes me laugh, the man who makes me feel safe, and the man who makes me feel alive. Because you all do all of those things, just in different ways."
"Jesus, Kenzie," Gavin breathes.
"I know it's unconventional. I know people will talk—hell, they're already talking. I know it's going to be complicated and messy and probably impossible to explain to my mother when she eventually calls." That gets a snort from Gavin, which breaks some of the tension. "But I don't care what other people think is normal or right or acceptable. This is what I want."
"You sure about this? I mean, one woman, and the three of us?” Trent asks, something vulnerable in his voice making my breath tight.
Asher puffs his chest out because, of course. "It's worked fine the past few weeks," he crows.
"Don't be a jackass," Trent snaps like I'm not even there. "If this blows up in our faces, what the fuck happens then?"
I step in. "We don't fight it. I want all three of you. You all want me. Pretending otherwise will kill us." I turn to Trent. "Unless you're wanting to walk away?"
"She's right," Asher says. "Either we figure this out together or lose her. And I can tell you I'm not going anywhere."
Trent's stance loosens, and I'm relieved. "Together it is, then. And let me just say, once you commit to this, to us, we're not the kind of men who let go easily."
"I'm counting on it. And I need you to count on me not changing my mind, not deciding this is too hard, not waking up one day and deciding I want something simpler." I look at each of them in turn. "This is my choice. All of you. Forever."
"All of us," Asher says again, like he's still trying to wrap his head around it.
"All of you. The whole complicated, impossible, ridiculous package." I gesture at them. "Gavin with his smart mouth and his competitive streak and his way of making everything feel like an adventure. Asher with his steady hands and his quiet strength and his complete inability to express emotions without blushing. Trent with his stubborn protectiveness and his midnight pacing and his way of making me feel like I'm worth fighting for."
"Christ," Gavin mutters, running a hand through his hair.
"I love you. All of you. And I'm done pretending that's something I need to fix or choose between or apologize for." I take a deep breath. "So if anyone has a problem with that, speak now."
The silence stretches between us, but it's different now. Not tense with waiting but heavy with possibility.
