Page 105 of My Cowboy Trouble
God, I'm such a fool.
The most humiliating part is how completely I fell forit. How I actually started to believe I belonged there, that I was building something permanent. How I let myself imagine a future where I stayed on the ranch, where we made this crazy relationship work, where I got to wake up every morning in that beautiful place with those three men who made me feel like I was worth something.
How I actually thought they loved me.
A sob escapes, catching me off guard. It's raw and painful and scrapes at my throat like sandpaper. I haven't cried yet, certainly not in front of Clara Mae, not when Gavin tried to explain, not during the silent cab ride to town. But now, alone in this depressing motel room with the truth settling over me like a suffocating blanket, the tears come whether I want them or not.
I cry for the woman I was this morning, so confident and happy and secure in her place. I cry for the future I started to imagine, the life I began to build. I cry for the trust I gave so freely and had thrown back in my face.
But mostly, I cry because despite everything, despite knowing it was all fake, I miss them. I miss the way Gavin's eyes lit up when he laughed. I miss the way Asher could make everything feel like an adventure. I miss the way Trent looked at me like he was proud of my progress.
Even knowing it was all lies, I miss the way they made me feel.
The dineron Main Street is the kind of place where everyone knows everyone, and the arrival of the infamous city girl who's been sleeping with the Dusty Spur boys is apparently the most exciting thing to happen since the high school football team made it to regionals.
The stares and whispers poke at me as I slide into a corner booth, but I don't care. I need coffee and food and something to do with my hands that isn't checking my phone or staring at motel room walls.
I’ll be out of this town soon enough. I’ll never return and in time, will forget all these people and my stupid stint trying to learn about ranching. I’ll forget about the guys, too. Eventually.
"Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in."
I look up to see a woman about my age sliding into the seat across from me. She's got short brown hair, kind eyes, and the confident bearing of someone who's never doubted her place in the world. She's wearing scrubs, which suggests she works at the clinic or hospital.
"I'm sorry, do I know you?"
"Darla Simmons. I'm a nurse at the clinic." She signals the waitress for coffee. "And you're Kenzie Rhodes, the woman who's got half the town placing side bets on whether you'll make it to thirty days."
My stomach drops. "There are more bets?"
"Honey, this is a small town. We bet on everything. Whether Mrs. Patterson's cat will come home, whether the high school will finally fix the football field, whether my cousin Daniel will ever ask his girl Susie to marry him." She accepts her coffee from the waitress with a nod of thanks. "A city girl inheriting the Dusty Spur and shacking up with all three of the prettiest cowboys in the county? That's prime betting material."
"Wonderful." I stare into my coffee, filling with rage. "So the whole town thinks I'm a joke. You people really know how to make a girl feel good. Bunch of assholes..."
"No, no. Wait a minute. The whole town thinks you're interesting. There's a difference." Darla leans back, studying me. "Though from the looks of you right now, it's clear something ain't right."
"You could say that."
"Want to talk about it? I've got time before my shift starts, and I'm a good listener. Comes with the job."
I shouldn't. I should finish my coffee and go back to my depressing motel room and figure out how to get back to New York with whatever dignity I have left. But there's something about Darla that feels uncomplicated. Like she doesn't have a dog in this fight.
And besides, I am desperate for another human being to talk to. Even if she blasts our entire conversation to the entire town. I just don't give a shit anymore.
"They made a bet about me," I hear myself saying. "About how long I'd last before running back to the city. The whole thing was just... entertainment."
Darla's eyebrows rise. "All of them?"
"All of them."
"Hmm." She takes a long sip of coffee, considering. "And you found out how?"
"Clara Mae. Apparently half the town knew about it."
"Ah, Clara Mae." Darla's expression turns sympathetic. "She does love her gossip. Usually gets about half the facts right and embellishes the rest."
"Are you saying she lied?"
"I'm saying Clara Mae has never met a story she couldn't improve with a little creative editing." Darla signals for more coffee. "What exactly did she tell you?"
