Page 122 of The Truth Serum
There hadn’t been that many men, but it was nice to feel noticed. And since he was being so earnest—and honest—she twisted her hands until they were palm to palm. “I’m not trying to make you jealous, Nate. I want to know what you think. You know better than anyone what work with Lord Benedict would entail. How dangerous is it?”
He struggled with his answer. His mouth twisted and his jaw flexed. But in the end, his words were exactly what she’d feared. “A little dangerous sometimes, a lot dangerous sometimes, and everything in between.” He pulled her hands to his mouth, pressing a kiss to her fingers. “I want to marry you, Rebecca. I want you to have my children. And I want to be with you as they grow, writing my books in the country and—”
“You would give up your work? The work with Lord Benedict?”
He paused before giving her a careful answer. “I am too old to keep working as I have been. But…” He shrugged. “Benedict thinks I could come out of the shadows. That I could be helpful when this war has ended.”
“He said as much to me. That the work for women is vital, especially during peace negotiations.”
Nate tightened his grip before releasing her. Then he stood up and began to pace about the room. She watched his slow movements, seeing in him a suppressed fear. One that she could not name but knew would come out before the night was over.
And indeed, he began the tale by abruptly turning to her. “So Benedict has offered us both a position. As a couple, we could work with him and Lord Castlereagh. We could help shape the world after Napoleon’s defeat.”
She nodded. That appeared to be exactly what Benedict was offering. And she was intrigued. For a woman who had been locked up for most of her life in Cornwall, the idea of participating on the world stage was extraordinarily appealing. Assuming, of course, she had someone beside her to teach her how to go on, to show her how to be both safe and effective.
Someone like Nate. But only if he wanted to.
She looked at him, trying to feel what he wanted. What she wanted. “Do you truly want to sit by a fire in Cornwall and watch our babies grow?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said. “I don’t want to put you in danger.”
“I think you would be bored.”
“I think you would be, too.” There was defeat in his tone. They had a way forward, it seemed. Marriage and work with Lords Benedict and Castlereagh. Except he didn’t seem to want it.
“You must be honest with me, Nate. As you have never been before.” She stood up and felt the world wobble a bit as she did. The truth serum was taking effect. She welcomed the experienceeven as she crossed the room to look in Nate’s eyes. “What are you afraid of?”
Her eyes widened as she spoke. She hadn’t meant to ask that. She’d meant to ask him what he wanted. But instead, those words came out. And once uttered, she did not take them back. She knew he wanted her. He’d said as much from the beginning. But now she had to know what kept them apart. And that rested upon his fears. And hers.
“You are unsteady,” he said. “How do you feel?”
She heard the concern in his voice. And shefeltit, too. He was genuinely concerned about her.
“I am fine. You?”
He swallowed. “So I will not be able to lie to you now?”
“Try it.”
“I have danced naked in African ceremonies covered only in white paint.”
She blinked, startled by his words. Worse, she couldn’t tell the truth or the lie of it. All she felt was his humor.
“Have you done that?”
“Not at all.” He dropped his head forward until it touched hers. “But I have spoken with those who have.”
“And I have sewn purple dresses to be worn by the King of England.” She wrinkled her nose. “But I wore it first.”
He laughed at that, the humor seeming to sparkle around them in tiny flashes of joy.
“I should love to see you in a gown of purple velvet.”
She smiled, feeling as if they were starting to meet each other in this strange place of truth. It wasn’t so much that they couldn’t lie to one another, but that they were feeling each other more. Their emotions were clearly communicated to one another. A lie would require a separation between them that would be noticeable.
He touched her cheek. “So this is the truth serum?”
She nodded, feeling the arousal that came with his touch and the desire that vibrated between them. But she needed some answers before she surrendered to it. Before she gave herself completely to him.
