Page 105 of The Holy Grail
Outside of her parents and Paige, Jules had never told another person she loved them, but she knew what it felt like, and it was time to throw the words out there and hope they landed smoothly. “Strong, strong. Like … love, strong.”
“Love?” His eyes grew impossibly wide. “Are you saying you love me?”
His surprised expression—or appalled, she wasn’t sure which—had her wondering if she’d just made a dreadful mistake. “Yes, I’m saying I love you.”
“Oh, my God, what a relief.”
“Really? Because you looked kind of horrified at the possibility.”
“Horrified? No, I wasn’t horrified.” He pulled her forward and smashed his lips to hers, with more force than finesse. “I’m extremely fucking happy you love me. Although, I had wanted to say it to you first.”
“You did? Then why didn’t you?”
“Because I knew I loved you the night I sort of stood you up at the French restaurant, which was way too soon to say it. So, I was waiting until it felt like the right amount of time had passed.”
“And what’s the right amount of time supposed to be?”
“I don’t know … six months?”
“Hmm, well, are you going to wait that long to actually tell me, or are you going to go for it now?”
He released a short chuckle before saying, “I love you, Jules.”
Hearing those words for the first time, from a man who wasn’t her father, sent a shiver down her spine. “And I love you, Mal,” she said, this time without any hesitation.
They sort of sat there for several moments, grinning like teenagers who’d just discovered weed, and then gradually Malcom became serious again. “So … getting back to Evan,” he said slowly, deliberately. “I need to know if you have feelings for him.”
She suspected he already knew the answer to that question, deep down. “Yes, I do.”
“Do you … love him?”
She paused, thinking. “I don’t know.”
“Jules …”
“I’m not trying to deflect. I’m really not. I’ve just never allowed myself to put a label on how I feel about him, but in the two years I’ve known him, he’s never been totally out of my head. Sometimes he was really in it, and it was hard to resist him, because he’s … hard to resist.” At his look ofWow, that was profound, she made a face at him. “Please. You know exactly what I’m talking about, having experienced him in the flesh, which, I might point out, is somethingIhaven’t. So, if anyone should be worried about what we have being threatened, it should be me.”
“You just said we were strong.Strong,strong, you said.”
“Yeah, but that was before it occurred to me you’d seen him naked. That changes things.” She turned the tables on him. “So, what about you? Do you … love him? I know it was a while ago, but if youdidlove him during that time, those feelings could still be there, somewhere.”
It was his turn to appear conflicted. “I did have strong feelings for him, but I was ashamed of them at the time. Was it love? I don’t know. Maybe. Are the feelings I still have for him love? I don’t know. Maybe. Like you, I never allowed myself to put a label on how I felt about him.”
“Last night, right before he passed out, he told me he loved me and questioned if the universe was punishing him in some way for something, or if it was just his bad luck to love two people, and have them be together.” She paused, then added softly, “He also said he wished he could learn to not love me and you … and that broke my heart.”
Malcom grabbed his glass of bourbon and drank the last of it in one gulp, because that broke his heart, too. “So, where do we go from here?”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“On where we want to go. We have … options.”
“Options?”
“We could continue on as we are, just the two of us. Happy and committed to one another,” she said. “Nothing would even have to change, really, and on those occasions when we run into Evan—when we’re out somewhere or getting together with Paige and David—we keep it friendly.”
“You really think that’s possible?”
