Page 120 of The Holy Grail
Jules turned back to Evan. “That being said, I’m sure I have a few issues which will need to be dealt with to maintain the integrity of our relationship, and I’m sure you do, too, because God knows, none of us is perfect.”
Her voice resumed its business-like tone. “So, are you honestly going to give up on us, on your Holy Grail, without even trying? Are we—” again, she motioned between herself and Malcom, “—not worth it? Because we thinkyou’reworth it. Or was all your talk about loving me and Mal just some drunken bullshit fueled by George Clooney’s tequila? Because if that’s all it was, then yeah, hit the fucking road, hot bartender, and we’ll see you the next time we all get together with Paige and David.”
For a moment, Evan couldn’t help but think he apparently had a kink which involved being verbally carpet-bombed by a smoke show of a woman, because he had some decent wood in progress underneath the table.
“Nowit’s your turn.” Jules told him, breaking through the silence that had settled over the room.
Chapter 37
Evan bends the knee
Even though Evan had known he’d get the floor, he still felt put on the spot as Jules and Malcom both sat expectantly, obviously waiting for words to come out of Evan’s mouth. Taking a deep breath to counter the unease creeping over him, he was momentarily distracted by Dawn Corleone climbing down onto his lap and meowing. Like he’d done before, Evan put his arm around, then under her, and pulled her little body against his side. As he used his free hand to pet her head and face, he felt himself relaxing somewhat.
Was she a therapy animal or something?
“So,” Evan began slowly, “you unloaded a lot on me there—not in a bad way,” he hastily added. “Not necessarily in a good way, either, but that’s a lot to unpack. First, let me say you and Mal are absolutely worth it, and I’m sorry if you’re actually thinking you’re not … if that’s what I led you to believe.” He paused to rub behind Dawn Corleone’s ears and find the right words for what he was going to say next. “I know Mal is pretty much your first real relationship, and he’s been in only a few more than that, one of which ended in divorce, but I’ve been in more than I care to say. Some short, some long, some good, some bad … and I know you two will be taking a chance on expanding your relationship to include me. Now, I’ve been here before, with other couples who had experience in triads, and my fear is if we do this, with your—” he broke off to point from Jules to Malcom, “—lack of experience, the odds are already not in our favor. And if we do this and shit goessouth, I’ll be fucked. I’ll lose both of you, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to get to the other side of that.”
“You don’t think it would hurt for us to lose you?” Jules asked incredulously.
“No, I think it would, but you’d still have each other. And that’s a big fucking difference.”
“He’s right,” Malcom said.
“That’s why I’ve been so … hesitant … for lack of a better word, to get into a triad with you two. You’ll both need to be really strong, mentally and emotionally, for me to willingly risk my entire self. It’s not a matter of me not being willing to put in the effort—that actually chapped my hide a little bit, by the way—because I’m willing to put a shit-ton of effort into the three of us, but not if it seems like a losing bargain from the beginning.” He took a deep breath. “And this kind of seems like a loser for me.”
“I disagree,” Jules said, just as Malcom said, “Fair point.”
“Fair point?” Jules asked, turning to him with a frown.
“Yes, I can see his point. He has the most to lose. He’s loved you longer than I have, and he’s loved me longer than you have, so …”
“Okay, I understand that,” Jules said to Evan. “But does not trying make you happier?”
“Of course not, but losing you both would definitely make meunhappier. Likewayfucking unhappier.”
“What if you didn’t lose us? What if we were strong enough to make it?”
“Then I’d be the happiest asshole ever.” Evan sighed. “The problem is most of the weight will rest on Mal, who literally just took a baby step into the sunlight a few days ago. In terms of a coming out party, it’snot.”
Jules looked curious. “Do people really have coming out parties?”
“I just meant, with the exception of you and me, no one else has been made aware of Mal being bisexual. And I technically already knew it, so the only person who knows he’s ‘come out’ is you.” Evan looked at Mal. “Unless you’ve spoken to your parents or anyone else about it in the past few days?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Didyoumake an announcement?” Jules asked Evan.
“No, but I never hid it, either, so most of my family knew from the beginning. I just treated my attraction to men the same way I treated my attraction to women—if I was going out with a girl in high school, I’d say I was going to the movies with whatever hername was, and if I was going out with a guy, I’d say I was going to the movies with whatever his name was. It was pretty easy for everyone to figure out.”
“Did everyone accept it?” Malcom asked. “I mean, everyone except your dad? Jules told me he thought you were a deviant.”
“Jesus Christ.” Evan narrowed his eyes at Jules. “Have you told himeverythingI’ve ever said to you?”
Not in the least bit embarrassed or shamed, she replied, “Well, probably noteverything, but I have told him a lot. Sorry.”
Since that didn’t even come close to sounding like something which might have been in the vicinity of an actual apology, he simply shook his head in annoyance and focused on Malcom again. “Everyone accepted it without judgment, as far as I know, except for my dad, and he kept his intolerance between himself and me. I think he did that because he didn’t want anyone in the family to know how he felt, in case they would think less of him, but he let me know in private.”
“How did you deal with that?” Malcom asked.
