Page 61 of Tell No Tales
Klaus wanted to ask more questions about their relationship, but he didn't want to hurt Vadim further. Yes, their relationship had ended after two years, but Hesse's death seven years later had almost broken Vadim.
"You loved Hesse." Klaus felt it in his heart.
"Yes," Vadim said.
"You loved Efren?"
"I," his laugh was bitter in Klaus's ear. "I honored and respected Efren, which felt like love to me. I realized after Hesse died that it wasn't the same. I didn't love Efren the way he deserved, but I stayed because it was easier than being alone."
Klaus understood the loneliness in the admission. He'd felt the same way in the two long-term relationships he'd had. It didn't help that both were with clients who paid for his attention. The money had soured their affection over time, and then they'd moved on when Klaus refused to leave his profession for them.
Now, he was adrift with no profession and no benefactor. All he had was his impossible attraction to Vadim. Did the death weaver know what he was doing to him by holding him like this? There was nothing sexual about their position or the gentle stroke of Vadim's bare fingers through his hair, but Klaus felt like his nerves were hardwired to the tightness in his chest.
He had feelings for this man, feelings that would eventually come back to bite him, if they weren't already sneaking their way into Vadim's head through the connection between them.
"Can you feel that?" Klaus asked.
"Feel what? Is there another ship nearby?"
Klaus sighed with relief. "No. It's nothing."
Before Vadim had come back to their makeshift cabin, Klaus had been building up the courage to approach him and demand to know when they were going to fuck, already. Now, his desire seemed so far away, buried under the tender sting in his heart.
It didn't matter if they fucked now or ten years from now. It wouldn't change anything between them. Klaus was in love with Vadim.
He'd made a mistake when he'd begged Vadim to save his life. He would have been better off if Vadim had let him die.
Chapter 15
Vadim
A week passed at sea. Five days in, Vadim glanced up from his favorite reading spot on the aft deck when Hannah called, "Land ho," for the Quadrilles, but he didn't think twice about the island where Efren had ambushed him and sunkImperial Fool.What was done was done. Vadim would allow Efren's ambush to sink his ship all over again, even though they'd lost two of their four conscripted children to the waves.
Two more days passed with little communication with Klaus. Vadim had no reason to be upset with him, but he needed the distance. He'd promised himself he wouldn't kiss Klaus again. He'd already kissed him twice, and both times they'd ended up sharing orgasms. Wonderful orgasms, but stolen, nonetheless. Klaus didn't want Vadim. Any warm body would do to embrace the fact he was still alive.
Vadim didn't want to be just anyone to Klaus. He didn't mind being furniture, though, if he could pull Klaus into his lap and stroke his hair. Klaus had the kitten, and Vadim had Klaus. Except he didn't have Klaus, not the way he wanted him, panting beneath him and thrusting against him as they brought each other to completion.
He couldn't think like that. If they didn't fuck, he could pretend their mutual orgasms were just burning off steam. He could move on without breaking his own heart in two with longing for a connection that never happened. They'd never had penetrative sex, so what they'd done hadn't been real.
It felt real enough, with the way it pulled on Vadim's heart whenever he had the chance to watch Klaus from across the ship's deck, or when he looked through the thin netting of his sail to Klaus on his mattress below. Klaus no longer slept naked on top of his blankets, thanks to the late autumn seas. Vadim both hated the change and thanked his lucky stars Klaus was no longer pleasuring himself where Vadim could see.
He flipped onto his back and forced his thoughts to his studies. He still wasn't sure how Martiz's dagger fit with the focuses healers used. Was it a focus, or was it something else, an enchantment or a separate spell? Vadim had been over every part of Hesse's journal three times, except for the one section he'd skipped containing the mechanics of necromancy. It was short, since not much was known, but it was knowledge Vadim didn't want.
All his life, Vadim had been called a necromancer behind his back. People thought death weavers had control over all aspects of death, including reanimation. Now that Vadim had balance between his life and death magic, he feared he would become his worst nightmare.
Worse, he would become exactly what Coryn had hoped he would be. She'd never said those words, never spoken treason within Hesse's hearing, but she had asked Vadim far too many questions about the connection between death and life over the years.
Now, it all made sense. Coryn had known about Hesse's journal. She had probably read it herself. Perhaps she'd planted it at Hesse's bedside for Yvette's father to find. Vadim's cover story all those years he was moonlighting onStarlight Specterhad been sailing with a merchant vessel. Had she believed him, or had she known he was a pirate all along?
If Coryn and Delilah thought Hesse's journal was important, Vadim was still missing something in its pages. Despite his fears, he needed to read that section of the book.
Yes, it talked about binding a soul to its body in death, but it didn't explain the weaves. Nor did it talk about the time it would take for the body to decay, which Klaus had mentioned from his time in the pleasure houses.
Vadim shivered, wondering how many people had fucked corpses thinking they were alive. Wouldn't they notice the temperature difference? Or the smell? Gods, the smell.
Unable to sleep, he paced the deck until sunrise. Later that morning, he found Klaus in the galley. Mewskers was on the bench beside him with his own little saucer of fish guts. They were almost out of beef stew. Their main protein source was now the fish or the occasional sea bird Hannah zapped out of the sky with a bolt of lightning, already half-cooked before it hit the deck.
Today's meal was fish stew and root vegetables. The best part about it was the warmth that seeped through Vadim's gloves as he carried his bowl to the table.
