Page 3 of Bazooka
Tye laughed. “Nice try, Luz.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I said, ignoring my friends’ reproachful looks.
“Oh, Luz,” Tye Thorsen said, sounding amused. “Bazooka would rather let someone extract all his teeth than give you his phone number.”
“Oh, fuck off,” I muttered sulkily. “I forgot how big of a dickhead you are.”
“Find someone else to crush on, Luz,” Tye added. “Perhaps someone who isn’t straight and uninterested in your ass.”
“Again, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stated, raising my chin in defiance. “And I’m not crushing on anyone.”
“I said my piece,” Tye said, stifling a yawn. “Anyway, have a good one. And stay out of trouble, if that’s even possible.”
“Yeah, not gonna happen.”
I hung up, fuming.
“Who’s crushing on whom again?” Wagner said, keeping a blank face.
“Oh, give it a rest already,” I murmured, finishing my cocktail. “Don’t you have a company to hack or a virus to unleash or something?”
“Not presently.”
“Then eat your cake.”
“It’s contaminated.”
“We just want you to be happy, Luz,” Dakotah said, squeezing my hand. “You deserve it.”
“I am happy,” I growled. “Don’t I look happy, Alain?”
“You look just how I feel,” Alain replied with a frown, touching his forehead. “And I feel as if I have a fever. Maybe it’s that nasty flu that’s going around.”
“It’s summer, Al,” I reminded him. “There’s no flu going around. You’re probably just hot.”
Dakotah looked anxiously over his shoulder. “I need to pee, but the restroom line is so long. Darn it.”
After he left, I reached for my phone, which kept pinging with texts. I scrolled through a dozen happy birthday wishes, hoping to see the one name that wasn’t there. Then, because I was a masochist, I searched for that name and the three-month-old texts.
Me:Hey, Bazooka. Long time no see. Not since the wedding, right? The grooms were so handsome, but do you know who was even more handsome?
Me:Me. Just kidding. It was you. God, you can rock a suit. I would have complimented you then, but you didn’t want to talk to me.
Me:I know that we basically just met, but youdidsave my life. The Butcher of Smitsville would have butchered me if it weren’t for you. I will be forever grateful.
Me:Oh, and that blonde slut who was hitting on you at the wedding... I didn’t mean to set her hat on fire. It was the wind, you know? It just happened.
Me:I’m not a pyro, okay?
Me:Are you there?
Me:Would it kill you to text me back?
Me:You can’t ignore me forever, Baz.
Detective Levi “The Bazooka” Bradley entered my life one warm autumn night. He came to Smitsville to help the local police catch a serial killer, and I was the bait. After he saved mylife, he returned to New Mesa without a second thought, while I couldn’t put him out of my head. It was the first time someone had rejected me, so it was a hard blow to my ego. He said he was straight, but it didn’t discourage me because he could always change his mind, right?
Then I went to Thorsen and Carter’s wedding… fine, I crashed it. Bazooka was there, but he could have been on the moon. He ignored me all the time and wouldn’t talk to me. He refused to dance with me, which was foolish because I was a superb dancer. He brooded by the wine buffet and chatted to the blonde slut with an ugly hat who just wouldn’t leave him alone. When I pulled her to the side and informed her that I was his future boyfriend, the bitch laughed in my face, so… maybe Ididset her hat on fire. Maybe it wasn’t the wind.
