Page 120 of Bazooka
She sounded indifferent, but her expression was of a former beauty queen deprived of her crown and title.
“I have no clue what I am, Patricia,” I said with a sigh. “If you gave me a straitjacket, I would put it on. If you gave me astronaut gear, I would head to Mars. More than that… I don’t know what to tell you.”
“I get it. Look, to be honest, I thought I had a chance with you for a while, but I was clearly wrong. What’s the deal between you and Luz, anyway?”
I laughed. “That’s not explainable. He’s job, but also not. He’s a stranger, but not really. He annoys me, but I care about him.” I shook my head, trying to find the right words. “I mean, after I catch Mendoza, I’m leaving this town, so… who the fuck cares?”
“That little shit will be crushed when you leave.”
For some reason, her words made me mad.
“I thought you didn’t like him.”
Patricia chuckled. “Oh, I hate the sight of him, but he will get hurt.”
“And I won’t get fucking hurt?” I exclaimed. “Wont’ I get hurt by leaving him? By being alone again? By having my heart fucking ripped out of my chest because I don’t know what’s happening to me?”
The shocked look in her eyes told me I’d overshared.
“Shit,” I muttered, dragging a hand down my face. “I’m sorry. I have no idea what came over me. I’m usually not like this.”
Five hours later and one psycho arsonist more behind bars, I headed home. I walked into my apartment, only to smell… yeast?
“I know it’s too late to bake,” Luz shouted from the kitchen. “But I had to try out this recipe.”
He was wearing a T-shirt, an apron, and a puzzled look on his face. Probably not much else. I was ready to devour him, but also to kill him.
“Why aren’t you at Jordan’s place as we agreed?” I asked him, hoping I didn’t look as unhinged as I felt.
“‘Cause I wanted to see you,” he replied matter-of-factly. “Surprise!”
I put the gun in a cabinet drawer, itching for a fight.
“And what do you see?” I said, seething.
“An angry person?” he offered.
“You think?” I shouted.
“You’re not the boss of me,” he stated, raising his chin in defiance. “I wanted to surprise you. I also made you a fucking focaccia so—”
“A focaccia?” I exclaimed. “You were making a focaccia while I was chasing a psycho arsonist all over the football field? You dared to disobey me again? You endangered yourself by coming here, when you know how much I worry about you?”
“Oh, but there’s more to it than that, isn’t it?” Luz hissed. “It’s Officer Vile, isn’t it? Something happened, didn’t it? Did you fuck her? Is that why you’re so crazy? Did you figure out that you’re into girls after all, and I’m a fucking mistake? Is that it, Baz? Or are you just afraid to feel something for once in your fucking life?”
I blinked. “What are you even talking about?”
“You don’t want me here because I care about you, you bastard!” he shouted. “And what bothers you even more is that you care about me, too.”
I scoffed, pouring myself a glass of water from the tap.
He grabbed me by the arm, making me look at him.
“Kiss me.”
“No! You don’t deserve it, not after disobeying me.”
“Love me.”
