Page 71 of Brutal Alpha Beast
I realize that these are things Danielle and I could have been discussing had we not been preoccupied with fighting, avoiding each other, and then unearthing the painful, hidden reality of our past.
I can’t believe I could have forgotten who she and Monroe were for so long. I also can’t believe that I treated her the way I did.
I feel fucking awful.
“She doesn’t,” I say. “I think it’s a simple spell for them to get rid of them in the moment, even though many will appear afterward. It helps to get a shifter to distract the beasts while they cast it. But other than that, there’s little more that can be done.”
“Right,” Sawyer says. “Well, fuck.”
“Yeah,” I respond.
“And there haven't been any shadow monsters since?” Jasper asks.
I really did love her. I remember that feeling, all the way back to when we first were paired up together in that class. It felt like I could talk and listen to her for hours without getting bored. Even when my friends judged me, and at that time, I was more susceptible to their judgments, I didn’t care.
I defended her. I should have defended her more. I should have declared our friendship. I shouldn’t have let it be so secret.
What kind of precedent did that set? It made it so much easier for her to run away, to erase herself from the pack.
“Ellis, for Gods’ sake.”
I’m jolted back to reality. “What?”
“Jasper is asking you a question.”
Jasper and Sawyer both look at me as though I’ve gone crazy. With all the tampering that’s been done to my mind, it’s hard to feel like I haven’t.
Who knows what’s real anymore?
“Shit,” I say. “Well, I thought he was asking you. Yeah, no more of them since.”
“Are you good?” Sawyer asks me, frowning a little and looking pissed off. I could tell them what’s happened; their counsel might be helpful, but at the same time, we have enough problems to solve as is.
“Good,” I say, briskly pushing back my chair and standing up. “I need to get some water. I’ll be back.”
It’s not like I don’t notice the look of confusion on both their faces after I say this, especially considering we have a water fountain here in the meeting room, but I choose to ignore them and walk off.
Everything can be explained later—when I’m not feeling like a crazy person, and we’ve figured some of this crap out.
Without thinking, I keep walking, and unsurprisingly, my body leads me to mineand Danielle’sold secret spot.
It feels different now, knowing what this place was actually for.
As I look up at the sky and lean against the shed, I think back to that day ten years ago.
It’s all so visceral, the love I had for her, the way her body felt beneath my touch—the way that first kiss finally puteverything in its place. I’d dreamed about kissing her so many times before that day.
How could I not have wanted her? She knew me better than anyone else.
And then, in that split second, everything changed. The regret of how I lashed out tears a hole in my chest, if things could just have been a little different, if I wasn’t still so blinded by my hatred and distrust…
I looked for her. I remember going into the forest and calling her name when neither she nor Monroe returned after a couple of days.
I knew the severity of what my words had done.
And then, in the forest, I forgot. That’s when the spell was cast. I had no idea what I was doing there, thought I’d shifted and passed out.
Who’s really to say who was more in the wrong?
