Page 35 of Deep Blue Lies
May 19th, 2000
I slept with Neil last night.
It was kind of awkward actually, because Neil shares a room with this guy Baz, and Neil thought he wasn’t there, but he was, so we had to go to my room, and I had to beg Imogen to sleep outside. It’s OK, we have these hammocks strung up on the balcony area now, they’re made from old sails from the dinghies on the beach, and they’re really comfortable, and it’s warm enough to sleep out all night. And Imogen was really good about it, so she just came out to the hammocks, while Neil came into my room.
It was nice. I wouldn’t call it exactly spectacular. And yeah, for the record, I didn’t come. Actually, he only lasted a minute or so, which was sort of funny, but he’s got a hot body so it doesn’t matter. Afterwards, we cuddled for a bit, then I said he should go, so that Imogen could come back to her bed.
This all happened because the clients have arrived – about sixty,which isn’t that many, when we get busy there’ll be three times as many.
Anyway, after work, we all came back to the staff house and got drinking, and that’s how it happened. We were playing cards, and Neil kept cheating, looking at my cards, and I kept pushing him away, and it was really funny. Then some of the other guys went to sleep, because we all have to get up early to get the hotel ready, and he said he was going to get a bit of air before he went to bed. And since we were already outside, I knew what he meant, so I said I’d go with him.
We didn’t even make it to the beach.
There’s a little shed, down by the pool, where the cushions for the sun loungers are kept, and we went in there and started kissing. It got pretty heated pretty quickly, and we could have done it there, but Neil said we shouldn’t, because if Jason saw us there, or if one of the guests caught us, we’d be on the next plane home. Besides, neither of us had any condoms on us, but Neil had some in his room.
So we went back, and luckily Imogen was just cleaning her teeth before going to bed. So I asked her if she’d mind chilling out for a while in the hammocks.
And yeah. That was that.
TWENTY-NINE
I stop again, because there’s something I need to face up to. It’s not just that it’s weird reading about your mother having sex – though it is – it’s also what this means. It’s like, all the while I’m reading, I’m doing the maths in my head. My birthday is May 20. My date of birth is 20/05/2001 – that’s the year after Mum first went to Greece. So this Neil guy, he couldliterallybe my dad. If Mum was still sleeping with him around August 13, which is when she had to conceive me.
But there’s this other thing too, kind of connected to what Kostas said. And right now, it’s really nagging at my mind.
It’s hard to explain, like a lot of this. But I’ll try my best.
You see, even though my birthday is May 20, there’s this weird thing about it. Actually it’sveryweird, although I’ve tried not to think about it too much. I’ve almost got used to it, like it’s just part of who I am. Even though…even though that makes no sense at all.
I was about to turn twelve when it happened, maybe it was the night before? I remember we had the fire going in the living room, this old gas type that glowed orange and red. Anyway, I know I was excited about my birthday coming up, and I was telling Mum I couldn’t wait to unwrap my presents, or for my party – or something like that. But this was right when Mum’s boyfriend had justleft, one of them. She was pretty messed up, and she was drinking. I don’t want to give the wrong idea – Mum’s not an alcoholic, but sometimes she does drink when things get her down. I guess this was one of those times for her.
Anyway, there was me, saying how I was looking forward to my birthday, and Mum had emptied at least one full bottle of wine, and maybe a bit more, and she just looked at me in this really weird way, and told me that tomorrow wasn’t my actual birthday, it was just the day we’d chosen to celebrate it on. And I remember I asked what she meant by that, and who “we” were – but she wouldn’t answer then, and she’s never said since. The few times I was ever brave enough to ask what she meant by it, she always cut me down straight away, or even denied saying it in the first place.
So then. August 13 is the date where I’m finally going to discover who Daddy is. Except maybe it isn’t. And maybe I’m not?
I read on. One way or another, I have to find out.
THIRTY
May 25th, 2000
It turns out Neil is a dick. A dick who doesn’t know what to do with his dick. His tiny dick. I wasn’t thinking we were like a couple, or anything like that. But after we slept together the other night, he could at least acknowledge me? But…no, it turns out he’s a dick. First of all he totally ignored me the other night, when we all went out in Skalio, then I heard he spent the night in Sally Nanny’s room – she’s one of the nannies, and she’s called Sally – hence the name. But she’s rancid. She has these massive tits, that she sticks in the boys’ faces all the time, but they’re super droopy already, like she’s fifty. I felt a bit humiliated actually, but Imogen was good about it. She stayed with me all night at the bar, then we walked back together, singing songs about Neil and his super-tiny dick.
I said before how she might be one of those people who’s a bit shy at first, but really fun when they get going. And she is, but there’s a bit more to it. She told me this big secret, her parents are Mormons. I didn’t know what it was at first, I thought she said morons! And maybe I wasn’t that far off, because they have these really strict rules about alcohol, and no sex before marriage and stuff likethat. She’s not fully Mormon now, like she does drink a little, but her family don’t know. Anyway Imogen was saying she reckons half the waiters in town have got the hots for me. She said I have the best body in the whole of Skalio. Hers isn’t that bad either, to be fair, and because her faith doesn’t let her wear a bikini, it’s not like people see if she’s a bit fat.
May 26th
I love this freaking island!!! Last night was so awesome. We went to this bar on the other side of town, and it played this cool music. And mostly it was just me and Imogen, but we had this amazing talk, and we danced for ages. It was like neither of us were worrying about boys at all. Then when we got back to the staff house we sat outside and kept talking, long after everyone else had gone to sleep. There were these bats flying around, and you’d think it would be creepy, but it wasn’t. And then Imogen made this origami bat, and she told me I had to keep it forever, soI never forget this time. And I won’t forget, I promised her.
June 6th
So we’ve been here nearly a month already – it’s crazy. I’ve not written in a while, because we’ve been soooo busy. Like, working every day, obviously (except for one day we get off). And then we’ve been going out most nights too. I’ve got to know Imogen really well. It’s not just because we’re roomies, it’s also because she works in reception, and I’m by the pool, which is just outside. So when things are quiet she comes down to the bar where I am, and we can just chat with the guests, or help out if it gets busy. And if I’m quiet I can go in there, to chat to her too and still see the pool if anyone wants to get served.
We had a really big heart-to-heart too. It turned out she was feeling a bit, like intimidated maybe, by how easy I was finding it to hook up with guys (since Neil I was seeing Harris for a few days, but then I ditched him for the waiter I talked about before, he’s called Stephan). Anyway, Imogen told me she’s only ever had one boyfriend, this boy from her church back home. (I wasn’t wrong before, he actually was an American football player!) But here, she’s really got the hots for this guy in the gardens – Kostas. I liked him too at first, but he’s not really my type, he’s kinda quiet and doesn’t really go out. But I told Imogen I’d help her hook up with him. So I’m gonna be playing Cupid. That’s a Greek thing, right? It’s gonna be super fun…
THIRTY-ONE
July 1st
