Page 52 of Deep Blue Lies
“No. Never.”
There’s a pause, a humourless chuckle.
“What’s she like, these days?”
The sudden banality of the question knocks me sideways, I give a little laugh of my own, at the mental shift he’s asking me to make.
“She’s…I dunno – she’s just like always.” I stop. I remember her from the diary. How immature she sounded then. That isn’t the woman I know as my mother. “She said once how having me made her grow up in a hurry.” I risk a glance back up at his face. This seems to be what he expects to hear.
“I bet it did.” He shakes his head again, with something of a grin this time.
“So what’s she up to? She working?”
We’re really doing this, this line of questions.
“She runs a chain of pharmacies, we have three of them.”
“Nice.” He absorbs this without further reaction.
“I’m not…without regret, you know?” he goes on after a moment. “I’ve wondered whether what happened that daycontributed to what Jason did. I don’t understand how exactly. Karen told me she never said anything to Mandy, but maybe she did? Or maybe Mandy guessed, found out? Told Jason? And that somehow flipped him out? I don’t know. He was wound pretty tight. All of us knew that.” He breathes quickly, pulling himself back in his chair.
“What I’m telling you, Ava, I carry a burden of guilt over that, and I always will. But at the same time, if Jason was the kind of dude to beat his girlfriend to death, then perhaps it was always gonna happen, just a matter of time? Either way. I’ve chosen to focus on the other thing. There were three people saved that day. Not just the baby, but Karen. And me.”
FIFTY-ONE
After we speak, Simon asks if I’ll stay and eat on theCelestial. He explains how they have to keep the galley stocked at all times, because at any moment Antonov can turn up demanding a literal banquet. So tonight they’re eating lobsters, most of which will go in the bin. He even offers for me to stay the night in one of the guest suites and catch the bus back to Alythos the next day. But I don’t want to. I just want to get off here. Get the hell away.
So in the end, Dominic runs me back to the station, just in time to catch the last bus. It’s a relief to climb back on board, my knees hitting up against the cheap hard plastic of the seat in front. But I can’t relax, not after what I’ve been told, and my mind races the whole way home. It’s gone midnight though when I finally arrive back on the island, far too late for the bus to Skalio, but a taxi takes me there. It’s far too late to think clearly too.
I wake up late the next day. There’s a few moments when I justam, with the sun streaming through the cracks between the blinds, but then I remember that I don’t know who I am. Nor how I fit together. My phone already shows a message from Sophia:
I asked my mother about the adoption thing, she says you should check if you’re listed at the records office. She can help if you want?
As I’m reading it a second message comes in:
How did it go with Simon Double-barrelled-Denzil? Anything exciting?
I stare at them a long while, but don’t reply. Instead I stand up and take myself to the shower. I try to let the water wash away what I’m feeling, but it can’t, and eventually I give up, dry myself and find my phone again. There’s another message from Sophia.
Hi Ava, don’t mean to hassle, but Mamá’s going into Kastria today, if you did want to check the records office?
I stare at it a while, still wrapped in a towel. Then my thumbs press out a reply.
Sure. Yes. Thanks.
They pick me up at midday. Sophia comes into the apartment building to get me, while Maria waits outside in the car. Before we get there, Sophia asks again how it went with Simon, but I tell her I’ll explain later. When I get to the car, Maria is kind and chats lightly. I thank her but she waves it away, saying it’s no big deal, and she has to go into Kastria anyway to fill in a prescription for a neighbour. She seems to understand my need for this to feel as normal as possible. A regular outing for regular people.
“So, Alythos doesn’t have a main hospital,” Maria starts chatting as she drives. “But it has a clinic which does handle some births. So if you have a passport that says you were born on the island, it’s likely that’s where you were born, and they should have some record of it.”
It’s a simple but good idea. I can’t believe that I didn’t think of it.
“Yeah, thanks.”
I’m in the front seat beside her, and she turns to smile at me. “What’s less clear is whether they’ll agree to release it. Greek bureaucracy can be very opaque, and sometimes who you ask, and the way you ask, is more important than what the rules say.” She raises her eyebrows before turning back to the road.
“Sophia tells me it’s difficult for you to ask your mother these things?” Maria goes on, not turning back. “She doesn’t want you to learn about your roots?”
“That’s right,” I tell her.
