Page 82 of Deep Blue Lies
“I’ll go outside.”
I stand, walking the few steps to the doorway of the cafe with my thumb resting over the “call” button. I find a quiet corner in the shade, close myeyes, and press.
After six rings it goes to voicemail. Mum’s voice, cool and brusque, leave a message, she’ll get back to me. Obviously I don’t. Instead I hang up, then stare at my hands, which are shaking wildly. I literally have to use my other hand to steady the one holding the mobile. Then my focus shifts, wider than my hand, the street in front of me, the hospital behind it. The thousand-mile gulf that’s opened up between me and Karen – whoever she is to me. Or the gulf that was always there.
I go back inside, both Maria and Sophia trying to read my face. I shake my head.
“No answer. I think I need a drink.”
At once Sophia gets up and goes to the bar. I watch her back as she speaks with the barman, and moments later she comes back with a tall glass of cloudy white liquid.
“Raki,” she says, putting it down in front of me. “It’ll help.”
I take a sip, it’s strong aniseed and frankly horrible, but I take a large mouthful and force myself to swallow it. Something about the burning sensation in my throat does help a little.
“Is there another number you could try?” Maria asks. “A work number perhaps?”
I blink at her, then half-nod, half-shrug. “There’s the pharmacy.” I check my watch, trying to work out what time it would be in the UK now, but give up because my brain isn’t working properly. “I could try there.” I look at her and see she’s nodding, that I should. That I ought to try. I nod back, but take another large drink from the raki first.
“OK.”
I stand again and walk back outside. Mum’s work number is listed on my phone as “Mum Pharmacy”. I blink at it a few times and press dial.
This time it goes straight to voicemail. The office hours are eight to five thirty, and the store is now closed. I don’t let it finish, I don’t let it tell me the location of the out-of-hours service, because I’ve heard it thousands of times before. Instead, I hang up and screw my eyes shut. Fuck, why doesthispart have tobe so difficult? Isn’t the whole thing hard enough? Why is it so hard now just to reach her? Without really thinking I try her mobile again, not really expecting anything other than her voicemail a second time, but this time she surprises me.
“Ava?” Her voice is sharp, surprised.
“Mum?”
“What is it? What’s going on?”
SEVENTY-ONE
I pause, frozen. Captured in a moment speaking to her, with nothing to say.
“What’s going on, Ava?”
“Nothing, nothing’s going on.”
Silence. “OK. Well, it’s taken you long enough to get around to calling me. Did you run out of money?”
“No.No.That’s not why I’m calling.”
“OK. That’s something at least. Well, I’d love to hear an update.”
“Where are you?”
There’s a pause. “I’m at home. I’m watching television. Where are you?”
I look around. “I’m in Panachoria, in Greece.” I wait, wondering if she’ll remember the name. It seems she does.
“Have you been to Alythos yet?”
“Yes. I’ve been there the last three weeks.”
“What have you found out?”
“That’s a weird question. What do you think I might have found out?”
