Page 85 of Deep Blue Lies
“I think she was attacked to stop her talking to me.” I say it again, but she ignores me.
“OK. Ava, you need to stay there. Wherever you are, just wait there. I’ll come out. I’ll get the first flight I can, and I’ll meet you wherever you’re staying – are you in a hotel?”
“No…”
“Never mind. Just stay there. Keep your phone switched on. I’ll be on the next flight. We’ll get through this, we’ll make this right.” Then she sighs down the phone at me. “For God’s sake, Ava. I did tell you not to go out there. Why couldn’t you just listen to me?”
SEVENTY-TWO
The way Mum books her flight is very different. I get one text message, telling me she’ll be in the Alythos Hotel in Kastria in two days. That’s it, nothing more. And then I have to wait. I visit the hospital on one day because I don’t have to work and I need something to occupy my mind. Imogen is still unconscious, and it takes me forever to find a doctor who will tell me anything about her situation. When I do it seems that little has changed. Then I do one shift at the bar, and then I find myself on the bus from Skalio into Kastria, finally ready to have the conversation with my mother that’s been brewing for so many years.
I ask at the front desk for Mum’s room number, but the girl points me towards the bar. So I walk in and there she is. Sat at a table by the window, a bottle of wine in front of her. She beckons me over, then snaps her fingers at the barman to bring a second glass.
“You made it,” I say, as the barman comes over. I pay no attention to his appreciative glances, not just at me but Mum too. But her eyes flick over to his.
“How was your flight?”
“Fine.” She pours me some wine, not a full glass though. Idon’t care. I don’t want any, but it pisses me off nonetheless. I’m not fifteen anymore.
“I’ve hired a car. I’m going to see Imogen later on,” she tells me. I nod. “Would you like to come with me?”
“I think that depends on how this conversation goes,” I reply. I force myself to look her in the eyes, not lower my gaze, and I’m dimly aware this is how I’ve lived for as long as I can remember. Not quite looking her in the eye, not quite telling her what I feel. Or maybe there’s nothing unusual in this. Maybe this is just how any child treats their parent, until the moment they finally grow up and take their independence.
“Fair enough. A fair point.” She looks pointedly at my untouched glass, but picks hers up and takes a small sip. Then a second. She swallows.
“I didn’t want you to come here, because I didn’t want you digging into all this. But I didn’t know how to stop you,” she begins. Then she stops. I wait a moment then press.
“Why would you stop me?”
“I think you know that.”
“I don’t know anything, that’s the problem, I don’t know?—”
“Lower your voice, Ava.” Her words are like knives, stabbing into me. She stops, then offers an apologetic half-smile. “Please, Ava. Lower your voice.”
I don’t say a word, just stare at her.
“I hadn’t even remembered that I kept a diary. I don’t remember anything about what I wrote in it, but I can imagine it wasn’t exactly a work of literature,” she starts again, and I watch her face, I feel how sullen my eyes are.
“It definitely wasn’t.”
“It certainly never occurred to me, when you announced you were coming here, that anyone could be so…I don’t know, reckless – to hand it to you. It’s an outrageous breach of my privacy. But there we are.”
“It shows you weren’t pregnant, you didn’t…” Somehow my argument feels weak, the proof that she’s been lying to me should trump whatever rights she has, but I barely convince myself. “You didn’thave a babywhen I was supposed to be born?”
“Of course I didn’t,” she snaps back. “Can you imagine being pregnant while working at the Aegean Dream Resort? Ridiculous.” She shakes her head, as if I’m being unbelievably stupid for even imagining it. “Had any of the staff got pregnant they’d have been on the first flight home.” She stops again and sighs. “Except for Mandy.”
“So?” I open my hands in despair. “So, who the hell am I?”
She takes another sip of wine, brushes an eyelash or a piece of dust from her eye, sits up taller in her chair.
“To be quite honest, I don’t exactly know.”
Then she sits back and watches me.
“What the hell? What does that mean?” I say. I feel like I need to pinch myself, to wake up from this conversation.
“This isn’t the way I ever imagined this going, Ava. But I have imagined it, many times. I’ve always thought that one day we’ll need to have this talk.”
