Page 104 of His to Possess
I set the glass down with a loud thud, certain I’ll throw it at the wall if I don’t. I’m breathing hard, and I have to squeeze my eyes shut to keep from grabbing her.
“Philip,” she says again, sounding concerned. “Something is definitely wrong.”
“It was a long night,” I tell her, voice like gravel. “You’re right, you should change. Then perhaps we should both get some rest.”
I don’t have to look at her to know she’s shocked. “You want to go to sleep?” she asks, incredulous. “Now?”
“Like I said, it’s been a long night. You’ve been through a lot—”
“I’m fine,” she insists. “Or I would be, if you would look at me.”
“Lilah—”
She takes a step closer—too close—and raises a hand to my chin, forcing me to look at her. The sight of those deep blue eyes, so worried, has my stomach clenching hard. “Why won’t you look at me?” she whispers. “Why won’t you touch me?” She shakes her head. “You haven’t even kissed me since we came upstairs. I thought we were going to—”
“I can’t!” I burst out, brushing her hand away, hating the way her eyes widen in shock and hurt. She thinks I’m rejecting her. “I can’t touch you when I feel like this, Lilah,” I continue, unable to gentle my voice however much I might want to. “I can’t kiss you and I certainly can’t take you to bed.” I close my eyes as images of her in my bed—right where I’ve wanted her this entire time—fill my mind. “I can’t touch you right now.”
“Why?” I hear her swallow, hear her uncertainty. “I thought you wanted me?”
I let out an incredulous laugh. “I want you so bad I feel like I might explode.”
“I don’t understand. I chose you, Philip. I chose to come home with you.”
“I know.” I squeeze my eyes shut again. “And I’m so damn happy that you did, love.”
“Then why—”
“Because I’m furious, Lilah!” I shout, and this time I can’t stop myself from getting up in her space, towering over her. “I am so angry, right now that I’m scared to touch you.”
She looks up at me with wide, nervous eyes and I hate myself. I could have her under me in my bed right now, if I could just get a fucking handle on my emotions. But I can’t seem to stop this pounding fire in my blood. And there’s no way I’m touching her in that way when I’m not in control.
“Why are you angry?” she whispers.
“I’m angry about everything!” I grit out. “I’m angry that your father was such a fucking coward, that he put his pride before taking care of you. I’m angry that your mother put you in that position. I’m fucking furious thinking about you living in that monster’s house. And I want to kill every single person who tried to take you away from me tonight.”
Somehow, she remains calm in the face of my rage. “And me?” she asks evenly. “Are you angry at me?”
“Yes!” I practically roar, the small amount of control I’d managed breaking down entirely. “Youleftme last night! You lied about where you were going. Do you have any idea how terrified I was? Not knowing where you were? I drove around all night, going out of my mind.”
She winces. “I’m sorry for worrying you. But you’re not innocent in this, Philip.”
“I know that! Do you think there’s anyone I’m angrier at than myself?” I grab her arms and crush her to me, needing to feel her body against mine, needing to know that she’s here and okay, warm and safe in my arms. “I hurt you badly enough that you left me. That you put yourself in danger. I’m so fucking sorry.”
She squeezes me back, like maybe she needs the contact as much as I do. “I thought you didn’t care. I thought it was all a game to you.”
“How could you think that? After everything? How could you still doubt me so much?”
She takes a deep shuddering breath. “Because no one has cared about me for a long time, Philip. Why on earth would I think someone as wonderful as you might be any different?”
I curse, pulling her closer, lifting her feet off the ground as she grips me back. But it’s still not close enough. So I walk out of the room, carrying her in my arms, whispering in her ear the entire time as I stride to my bedroom.
“You are everything to me, do you understand? You deserve so much better than what the people in your life have given you, but I’m not them, Lilah.” I feel her body shake against mine, her fingers tightening on my neck. “Iseeyou, love. I see how brave and strong you are.” I kick off my shoes as I reach the bed then lower us both to the mattress, unwilling to break the connection. “I see how smart and funny and loving and loyal you are. You’re amazing, Lilah. Any man would be lucky just to be in the same room as you.”
“Philip—”
“I love you.” I stretch myself alongside her, brushing a kiss over her forehead, over her cheeks, hating the wetness I feel there, hating that she’s crying. “I’m sorry I hurt you last night but mostly I’m sorry that I didn’t do enough to show you that I would never do the things that sub told you.”
“I didn’t believe her,” she says through her tears. “Not until I came out and heard you talking with Jane.”
