Page 109 of Infatuated as They Come
“Yeah, I know.”
“Look at you. Mansions and country clubs and fancy suits.”
“This is a really cheap suit.”
“I couldn’t tell. When did you become a country club guy?”
“I’m not. But I just wanna take her somewhere special. Somewhere that’s not… you know, cheap.”
She tilted her head at me. “That girl was down here all summer. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t care about cheap.”
“Sometimes I wonder if that’s enough. Maybe she gets tired of doing free stuff, cheap stuff. Maybe she wants country club dinners and fuckin’, I don’t know…” I threw a lazy hand up. “Whatever the hell rich girls do in their spare time. And things in New York… It’s kinda been a mess. As soon as we got there I just got stuck into work. Early mornings, late nights. I barely ever saw her. I hated it. But… I didn’t know what else to do, you know? That’s what I’m meant to do, right? Look after her. Make sure she’s safe. And then Christmas had to fuckin’ show up and make it all worse.”
“Every year like clockwork,” Lindsey said.
“And then I found out she was getting me a bunch of gifts and all I could think about was what the hell I was gonna get her. I mean, she bought me atruckjust because she could, and all I got her for her birthday was a necklace that cost a few hundred bucks. What do you get a girl who’s got more money than God? I thought I’d make her something. She likes handmade stuff. She told me no one ever gives her stuff like that.”
“You made her something from scratch? That’s so sweet.”
“I hope she thinks so. I’ve been working on it for the last month. Took me a few tries to get it just right, and I wanted it to be perfect.” My hands loosened my tie as I shook my head. “God, I was at that studio every damn night. Weekends too. She was all alone in that apartment again. I keep fucking up. I keep making mistakes with her.”
“What other mistakes are you making?”
“We had this stupid fuckin’ fight before she left. She doesn’t even wanna go to the damn country club,” I said, letting out a humorless laugh, my hands pushing through my hair. “Her dad said all this shit to me and I let him get to me. I keep doing it. I keep messing up. Again and again and again. I love her. I want to spend every single minute with her, but sometimes it’s like I’m in over my head with her. And every time I feel like I’m doing the right thing, like I’m doing what I’m meant to be doing, I manage to make things worse. How do I keep doing this? How do I keep making mistake after mistake? I just want her. I want to make her feel good, make her feel happy, make her smile and laugh. God, her laugh is my favorite sound in the world. Shouldn’t I be doing everything I can to hear it all the time?”
“Whatever he said, you can’t let it get to you,” she said, arms crossed over her chest. “You love her and that’s all that matters. Who cares what he thinks?”
“He’s real good at getting under my skin,” I said. “Just like Holly used to be. I guess it runs in the family.”
“What did he say to you?”
My jaw ticked. “The same shit he always says. I should be used to it by now, but it feels worse ‘cause of everything that’s happening—with how me and Holly have barely seen each other. It just feels like whatever I do, it’s never enough.”
“Look, don’t worry about her dad. You’re with the girl you love, right?” she asked softly. “And you want to be with her forever, don’t you?”
“Longer than that if it’s possible,” I said.
“You need to tell her everything you’re telling me. You need to look her in the eyes and make sure she knows. Don’t you want her to know?”
“I do. Really bad. I miss her and I love her. I love her so bad it hurts and I’m just trying to be…everything. I’m trying to fix every problem but I keep making it worse. I’m good at fucking things up and Holly’s good at fixing them, but it can’t be like that forever. I just want to make her happy. I want to see her face every single day and kiss her and hold her and Christ, I should be with her right now.” I jolted, pushing my hands through my hair. “I gotta go. I’m so fucking stupid. Why am I so fucking stupid? She makes me stupid.”
“Go, go, go.” Lindsey shoved me backwards. “Go see her!”
“I… Yeah, I gotta go,” I muttered, looking over her shoulder. “Tell the—”
“I’ll tell them you said bye. Go see your girlfriend!” Lindsey insisted, giving me another shove. “Get out of here.”
Lindsey forced me out of the door and I shoved my hands into my pockets, feeling the little pom pom keychain and giving it a squeeze. The air was cold and the sky was on the verge of turning dark and I should have been sitting across the table from Holly, looking into her eyes, watching her smile, hearing her laugh. I really missed that sound. When was the last time I heard it in New York? When did we last eat dinner together? See each other in the morning? Spend our whole night just being together? She deserved so much better than that.
I was just about to jump into the truck when I felt a strong hand on myshoulder. It was a hand I knew too well, and I was dumb as fuck for coming back, because a second later, my dad was shoving me up against the truck door with a lazy grin on his face.
“You’re back already?” he asked. “That girl already got sick of you, huh?”
“We’re not doing this.” I pushed his hands off me. “Not tonight. Not now.”
“What happened? She get tired of you like I said she would?”
My eyes rolled as I turned around, but that was a huge mistake I usually knew not to make, because I was being shoved into the door again. Every day with the man standing behind me had been a battle. Defending myself had become an impulse, a necessity, the only way to survive another night. It was taking everything in me to not put my hands on him. Fighting back meant making things worse, and making things worse would make me late, and I had a goddamn date to get to.
