Page 124 of Infatuated as They Come
“Where are you going?” he called out.
“I need to pack.”
“What do you mean? You’re leaving? You can’t leave.”
“I can and I will and I am,” I said as I stormed up the stairs and down the hallway, but that didn’t deter him from following after me.
“Where are you going?” he asked. “To a hotel? Or back to New York?”
“None of your business.”
“Holly, please.”
But I slammed my bedroom door shut before he could get in, shoving my clothes back into the bags I had packed them in, in such a rush that I was pretty sure I was leaving some behind. My eyes fell on my dresser and I spotted my necklace, just about to sigh in relief when my body went stiff.
The sparkling, silver pendant was no longer attached to the chain. It sat there in two separate pieces. Broken, no longer connected, torn away from each other. I must have stood there for a minute straight before I finally shoved the pieces into my coat pocket, and when I opened the door, my dad was still standing there, a pleading look on his face that made me feel guilty and furious all at the same time, because he had no right to look that way. But I ignored my conscience as I pushed past him, right to the back of the house where Sawyer’s room was.
“We need to talk about this,” he said from behind me. “You can’t leave on Christmas.”
“Nice job breaking my necklace. Is there anything else you want to ruin?”
“It fell apart as soon as I took it off. It’s not my fault it cost fifty dollars.”
I spun around, stilling there on the spot, because in the midst of our argument he still couldn’t see how cruel he was being. “He probably spentmonthssaving up to buy it, just so he could give me something special. It’s the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever gotten and I like it more than anything you’ve ever given me.” And again, that pained look crossed his face, like he was suddenly off center and I was responsible for it, like my words were cutting too deep, but I couldn’t stop myself. “It’s the best thing anyone’s ever given me and I’m so lucky it’s me who gets to wear something so sweet and thoughtful and special. That Igotto wear it.”
“Please don’t leave,” he said, dejection there in his voice. “Not today, Holly.”
“This is your fault. I’m leaving because of you.” I snatched Sawyer’s bag off the floor and zipped it open, and of course, all his stuff had already been packed, like my dad had been waiting to do that since me and Sawyerarrived.
“I’m trying to like him,” he whispered behind me. “I am. You think I’m not, but… Holly, how am I supposed to like him when he’s not at all what I pictured for you? You could have anyone you want. You could have a man who gives you everything you’ve ever wanted, and you settle for a guy who can’t even afford to buy a necklace that’s worth something. I mean, half the guys in my office tell me they have sons who have been dying to ask you out, wouldn’t you prefer—”
“Do you think that’s what I want?” I snapped with my back to him. “To be sold off to some rich guy with a rich son who just wants me so I’ll look good on his arm? Is that all you care about? Do you even want me to be with a guy who I love or is it all about money for you?”
“That’s not what I’m saying! That’s not what I’m trying to do, I’m just… You can have both. You don’t have to pick between the two. Why won’t you choose someone better?”
“I already chose and I chose Sawyer and I’ll keep choosing Sawyer. You can line up every rich colleague and his son in your office—I’m still picking Sawyer.”
“You’re going to pick the guy who’s got you living in some dump instead of in a penthouse on Fifth Avenue? Does he even know the kind of sacrifices you’re making for him?”
That had me turning around to face him, finally ready to meet his eyes again. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about. He’s the one who’s been making sacrifices. Early mornings, late nights, skipping lunch, just so he can earn money to look after me. He comes home hungry and exhausted and sore but he does it all over the next day. He’s giving up his time and energy and body. He gives up so much. You don’t see that. You don’t even know, because you don’t ask or care about him, you don’t try like he does. He triessohard and it means the world to me that he does it all for me. He puts me first every single time, even when it means he has to come second or third or forth. Do you think about that? Do you even consider for a second what he does for me? How he pushes himself so hard for me?”
His lips stayed pressed together and I wondered what was going throughhis head, if I had gotten through to him, but the air stayed cold and silent for a long minute, and the breath I finally took in felt painful. This was the man who used to check for monsters under my bed and carry me on his shoulders no matter how tired he was and hug every cut and scrape away. He felt long gone. Like he didn’t exist anymore. Who was I even looking at?
“Maybe next Christmas you’ll be a different person,” I said, voice sounding strained. “Maybe you’ll be better and stop being so awful. He’s not staying here after today, and neither am I. I love you and I’ll miss you when I go back to New York, but right now… I can’t stay under the same roof as you.”
The breath he let out was long and shaky, giving me the faintest of nods. His brows were pulled together, pain there in his eyes. I could see it, and it hurt to know that I was responsible for it, that I was the source, but there was nothing left to do but go.
“I love you too,” he finally said.
“Goodbye,” I muttered, veering around and storming down the staircase, struggling a little with the too many bags I had brought along but thankful that I couldn’t hear his footsteps behind me.
Mom and Sawyer were in the living room, sharing a whispered conversation. She had his hand on his shoulder as they spoke and I just stood there watching, wishing my father could show the boy I loved the same respect. Mom noticed my presence, her eyes soft as they landed on me, but they widened when they lowered to the bags I dumped on the floor.
She stood up fast. “Please tell me you’re just going to go stay in the guest house. Please.”
“I think it’s best if me and Sawyer leave,” I said, my eyes landing on him for a second. He was standing up, one hand pushing through his hair. “It’s not good for the both of us to be here.”
“Holly, you can’t leave on Christmas,” Mom said. “You only just got back. We haven’t seen you in months.”
