Page 130 of Infatuated as They Come
“You nearly done with those forms?” the guy behind the desk asked, scratching a hand against his grey hair.
“Yeah, just need another minute,” I said.
I was down to the last question when my elbow bumped something on the desk. A Christmas tree. A tiny one that had nothing on the one back in Holly’s home. Last night put things into perspective. It was a wake-up call, a harsh slap across the face. It felt like I was choking on air every second I sat in that cell, so how the hell had Holly been feeling this whole time? Waking up with me gone, falling asleep on the couch waiting for me, dinners all on her own. She must have been so lonely…
She deserved better than to feel unloved. And yesterday all she had wanted was for us to do something special together. Nothing fancy, nothing extravagant. And there I went and dragged her to the damn country club thinking she’d love it.
Pen in hand, my eyes stayed focused on the little Christmas tree to my right. “After today, you’re not gonna need that thing, right?”
The man shook his head. “Guess not.”
I shoved a hand into my pocket, taking my wallet out. “How much will you give it to me for?”
He snorted, brown eyes filled with amusement. “That?”
“Yeah, that. How much?”
“It’s trash.”
“My girlfriend kinda has a thing for trash. How much do you want for it?”
“I don’t know.” He poked at it. “I got it at the dollar store, so… forty bucks.”
“You got it from the dollar store, so forty bucks,” I repeated, swiping out a few notes from my wallet and resting them on the desk. “That makes sense.”
He picked the tree up, placing it in front of me before he slid the money his way. “You must really like her if you’re shilling out that much for a tiny little tree.”
“Yeah, I do really like her. I like her a lot.” I reached over the counter, snatching at his notebook.
“Hey, that’s mine! That wasn’t part of the deal.”
“I just want a piece of paper. I just gave you forty bucks for a five dollar tree, you can give me some paper.” I ripped off a blank page, ignoring all the annoyed sounds he was letting out as I got to work. I didn’t even know what I was drawing, all I knew was that I didn’t want to go back into that room empty-handed, and Holly said she loved handmade stuff. She loved the simple things. Our quiet nights in together, our days driving around town, just us hanging out at my place. Those little drawings I used to make for her—the ones I hadn’t made in a while.
Pressing the pen to paper, I started making the soft lines of Holly’s long, thick hair, then her round face and her lips and nose, and then those eyes that were so fucking big and pretty, and I definitely wasn’t doing them justice as I drew her in the run down front office of an even more run down motel. I wished I could have painted her instead and captured the warmth of her brown eyes, or how soft her lips were, or how her flawless golden skin always made it look like she was literally glowing.
Instead, I drew her lying down in a bed of flowers and I imagined them being bright and blue and yellow and red. I imagined the sun beaming down on her. I imagined that I was there watching her, just looking at her, being with her, feeling her, taking her in. It was what we used to have, what made me happy and what seemed to make her happy andfuckdid I love making her happy. I had been doing everythingbutmaking her happy over the last few months.
Then I tried to channel what little good penmanship I had, jotting down some words that I hoped would prove that I meant it when I said that I would change and be better.
Holly
I’m sorry I haven’t shown you how much I love you, but I promise you that I will from here on out, and this time, this promise will be one that I won’t break. If there was a way to go back in time and fix all my mistakes, I’d do it in a heartbeat, but since I can’t, I just have to fix things between us, and I swear to you that I will.
I’m sorry for how lonely I made you feel. It hurts me to know that you were feeling that way, that you were sad, that you were waiting on me again and again. No more of that. No more lonely nights. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me and I need to start showing you that.
I want our days back. Where it was just us. They were my favorite and they still are. I’m sorry I let them slip away from us, but I will do everything to make sure I give them back to you. Forever is what I want with you. Longer than that, actually, and I wish I could somehow stretch out time and get more of it with you, even if it was just for a little while. Just one more day, hour, minute… Holly, I’d settle for one more extra second in the day if I meant I got to hold you in my arms. A second of looking into your eyes or hearing your laugh or seeing your smile. That’d make me the happiest man in the world.
I love you and I will forever. Nothing will change that. No one will ever change that.
“Hey, that looks pretty good,” the guy said as I finished up, leaning over thedesk. Then he picked up a photo frame and turned it towards me, showing me a very round, very orange cat. “Can you draw Benji? He turns eight in a couple days. My daughter will love it.”
I nodded. “Yeah, gimme some more paper.”
I did my best with Benji and then stepped over to the brochure display by my side, a sea of brightly colored pamphlets looking right back at me.
“Most of those places will be closed today,” he said.
“It’s okay. I just need something…” My eyes found the pinkest pamphlet there was. “Like that.”
