Page 68 of Infatuated as They Come
“Let me shower first and I will. But you don’t have to wait for me. Just go to sleep.”
“I don’t mind waiting for you. You work so hard. And then you’re gone all day…” And I wanted to say that I missed him again, that I felt a stupid ache in my chest not seeing him all afternoon and night, but he didn’t deserve to feel even the tiniest bit of guilt.
“You look tired too.” He kissed my lips gently. “Go to sleep. I’ll be back in a minute.”
I was so exhausted from practice and my classes and my stupid long list of readings and the articles I had been working on for The Daily Post. I was tired from staying up so late and tired from missing Sawyer as he gave me one last kiss to the forehead, his footsteps soft as he left the room.
I fell asleep before I knew it and woke up the next morning to an empty bed. I stayed there, turned on my side, hand outreached to feel nothing. The spot was completely cold, which meant Sawyer had left long ago. I trudged out of bed, feeling miserable and lonely and stupid as I made my way to the kitchen, hoping the drawing Sawyer always stuck to the fridge would cheer me up, but all I saw were the little pink magnets attached tonothing.
I was being so dumb and selfish and childish. Did I need some little drawing to wake up to just to get me through the day? No. My boyfriend had better things to do, and I had to grow up.
Chapter 15
Holly
Thursday was finally upon me and I was far too nervous as me and the girls walked from Claudia’s dorm room to the stadium. There were a million butterflies in my stomach and they just seemed to double the further we walked.
Everything so far had been going well. Practice in the morning was fine and there hadn’t been any last-minute wardrobe malfunctions—though that possibility still hung in the air—and my muscles felt all loose and relaxed after all our group stretches. But my nerves were still present. I just wanted everything to go well. It had been a hot minute since I had organized so much choreography and the last thing I needed was to make an idiot of myself in front of a whole stadium of football fans. A big part of me wanted to impress Claudia as well.
The chatter from the girls was soft and light. They were all bright, positive vibes: everything I should have been. I was a cheerleader. I wassupposedto be cheerful, but all I could feel was a hot, uncomfortable wave of nerves.
I eyed my phone as we walked, my white sneakers patting against the ground. I saw a few texts that made me smile despite my ever-present nerves. There were sweet words of encouragement from my mom and dad and Annie and Brodie, but nothing from the person I really wanted to hear from.
“Let’s go team!” Claudia suddenly shrieked, and I realized then that our long walk from the dorms had finally brought us to the stadium.
Sophie had been right next to her, pressing her hands to her ears. “Girl, come on. Save it for the game.”
“What?” Claudia said. “Just tryna pump you all up!”
I laughed, wishing I could channel some of Claudia’s never-ending energy. I dumped my bag on the ground next to Natalie’s and pulled out my pom poms, getting ready to get started on our warmups for the night. The game was a good half hour away and when I looked up into the crowd, I could see the seats quickly filling up. My eyes scanned left and right and up and down, trying to locate that familiar face that hadn’t felt so familiar lately, but my quick search didn’t give me who I was looking for.
Warmups went by with ease, my muscles and joints feeling extra loose. I tried to keep my brain focused on the routine I had learned off by heart, but my eyes kept wandering to the crowd trying to find Sawyer. Was it weird to miss someone you lived with?
“You okay?” Natalie was suddenly standing before me, her head tilted and her voice laced with worry. “You’ve had that look on your face all night.”
I shook my head. “What look?”
“That look that says something is on your mind. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, just…” My eyes moved back to the hoard of people in the bleachers. “My classes were extra hard this week.”
“Don’t you just love college?” she asked.
“So, so much.”
She squeezed my shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll ace all your classes. Don’t stress!”
“Thanks,” I murmured.
“We’re on!” Claudia said from behind me. “Are you okay? Don’t be nervous!”
Spinning around to face her, I nodded. “I’m okay. I’m ready.”
I forced myself to focus on the routine, to just channel all of my energy into my high kicks and toe touches and double hooks, but it felt so rigid and mechanical as it carried on. Nothing was flowing like it usually did. My brain was telling me what move I had to make next, not my body. I wasn’t feeling it. Instead, I kept searching for Sawyer’s green eyes in thatcrowd. Sawyer had seen me cheer plenty of times before, but it had meant a lot to me that he showed up.
The whole routine just felt like me trying to force myself through one move and then to the next, biding my time until we got to the end. Natalie’s and Millie’s soft, strong hands were on me as we moved on to the final stunt, their hands grasping my hips as they hoisted me up and into the air so I could finish off the routine with a simple stunting position I had done a million times before.
I lifted one of my feet and raised both of my hands into a V shape as they grabbed at my ankles, keeping upright and steady as my stupid brain wouldn’t stop telling me to look for Sawyer. My quick search told me he hadn’t shown up. It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did and I certainly shouldn’t have lost my footing, a sharp cry leaving my lips as I went from standing tall to feeling like I was falling.
