Page 16 of Thick as Thieves
I laugh at him. “What are you on about? Yes a party, party. You’re a dad, not a fucking monk.”
“What are you thinking about?” he asks. I can hear the uncertainty in his voice. But he knows I always sort the entertainment.
“Well, we can set it up in LA if you want, rather than France.” I raise my eyebrows at him, a mischievous glint in my eye. “Get Evie out, bring the nanny, and drag Kitten into another night of debauchery. If you’ve got a few days off, you can stay in LA then.”
“Okay, sounds good so far. What you thinking?”
He sounds so fucking suspicious now. I love pushing his buttons, winding him up. Didn’t think this would be such an issue for him. He’s in love so deep, his only concern is his wife.
“Well, inspired by you,” I point at him, “I thought the theme could be twins. Fancy dress, any sort of twinning, people can be creative.”
He looks at me. “What’s the entertainment going to be? Sets of twins fucking? That’ll freak her out, not get her in the mood!”
“We’ll do girl twins, and one man, so not so relatable.” I laugh.
“What do you want to do? See if someone wants to fuck the twins they’re with? You could invite one person and ask them to bring two others as the twins. Then they can decide if they want to fuck the twins or the single. Could be a fun night if people pick wisely.” He’s laughing now. “Bit tenuous, but it could work.” I can see his mind running it over. “You are such a fucked-up man. Are we twinning?” He gently pushes at me, joking. “We can be Castor and Pollux. I'd give you half my immortality any day of the week.”
“Would you give me half of your wife?” Once again, the words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them.
The laugh dies on his face. “Is that something you still want?” he asks me, his face deadpan. “Is it?” He pushes the heel of his hand hard into my chest, his breath coming in pants.
Mine starts to mimic his. I don’t move, I’ve turned to stone. But, I can’t help myself. “Yes,” I state.
He stares into my face, and I’m frozen. I know my emotions are laid bare on it. The want, the fucking hope. He’s known me since I was a baby. We’ve never not known each other.
“Fuck, Xan, still?” he whispers, rubbing the back of his neck. It’s one of his tells, how agitated he is. I can see it escalating. “She’ll walk away from me, from us. It’s too much of a gamble. We already tried it in France.” He blows out a huge breath at that. The trauma is still on his beautiful face.
I shake my head at him, long and slow, considering every word. “No, Marcus. You fucked up, didn’t think it through. You’d lost your mind. You need to be clear.Weneed to be clear on our intentions.”
He’s looking at me intently now, and I can see the anger building up in him as he contemplates what I’m asking of him. “And what exactly are we being clear about?” His hand is on his chin, rubbing thoughtful at it. “You want us all to date each other? Or you and her, and me and her?”
He settles both hands on his hips, his stance widening, getting ready for a fight. “What exactly are we being clear on? Or is it just a fuck?” His voice raises onfuck,incredulous. “Or a bit of sharing, then her and I go back to being together and you fuck off back to whipping people with Jonno?”
His eyes are widening by the second as he thinks about all the permutations. I can see he thinks none of them are good.
I stand and stare at him. I know what I want, but I don’t know if I can ask him. Then I think back to my dad telling me I had to be brave and make a decision. I thought at the time he was telling me so I could leave if I needed to, now I’m not so sure.
“What if I want it all? You, her, us all together.”
We’re stood in a corner of a fucking field in the middle of Chile. What the fuck am I doing blowing up my life? Marcus, my friend of thirty-seven years, the person I have loved man and boy, now in love with, and the husband of the woman I am in love with, is staring at me like I’ve lost my fucking mind. And I think he may be right. I feel like I have lost it. I feel like my insides have been sliced open and my whole guts are spilling onto the green grass. Staining everything.
“All of us,” he says quietly, “all together. You and me out in the open, then her, with you and with me. Fuck, Xan, that’s…” He goes quiet. “That’s what you want?”
I nod at him, not able to speak. He looks as shell-shocked as I am.
“Is that why you left?” he asks me softly.
I nod again, holding his intense green gaze.
When I finally look away, not able to hold it anymore, I focus up at the clear blue sky, blowing out the breath I’m holding. Worried he’s going to lay into me and then just walk away, leaving me grabbing at my innards scattered on the floor with all my wits.
“How long have you known you wanted that?” he asks quietly.
This must be bad, this man is never quiet.
“Forever. I’ve never lied to you about it. You probably thought I was joking, as usual. I told you at eighteen what I wanted. You wouldn’t then, couldn’t understand what I wanted, I don’t think I did fully. But will you now?”
I’m back to staring intently into his eyes. Pleading with him. My whole fucking body and life is pleading with him.
