Page 19 of Thick as Thieves
“There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, Xander Barclay. You are fucking amazing.” Her eyes force her will into my brain. “It was her, all on her. She was vile, a bitch. She could have left you with your dad. But she chose to be cruel. She chose that, not you.”
She nods towards the grave. “Just like my mum was depressed. I didn’t do it. She just was. She ended up depressed, and never sorted it out. Your mother was just a fucking idiot.”
I look at her, this amazing girl, and start to laugh. She smiles at me and then starts to laugh with me. We are both holding onto each other. She brushes the hair gently out of my face.
“You have nothing to prove. Nothing. Not one thing. You don’t have to worry whether she loved you. Or if you need to be loved better or harder. Because you’ve got us. And certainly Marcus, he loves you, we sort of like you.” She grins slyly at me. I grin back in response. “But if you want to talk to someone else, come talk to my mum,” She points at the gravestone. “As I said, good at listening, anything else, forget it.”
Then her eyes light up further. “Come see Marshall. He’s alive and the best talker and live listener in the business. But just someone to listen, come here and chat, leave her a stone, and me, so I know you’ve been. It can be our code. Don’t tell the others, and I won’t.” She looks at me expectantly and then stands up, waiting for my decision.
Scrambling up beside her, I take in a deep breath. “I was pissed off, getting fed up with everything and everybody, but I feel better here with you,” I tell her, my heart rate picking up as her scent messes with my senses.
“Good. Don’t get fed up because of her. She’s not worth it, never was really, and you know it. If she didn’t love you, so what, we do. And moi,” she points to herself, “am so much better it is not even funny.” She grins at me, full of swagger, fucking Greystone bullshit.
I stretch out my hand towards her, hooking my little finger around hers, regaining contact. “Do you love me, Evie, like you love Kellen?” I ask the question I’ve been dying to know the answer to.
She says nothing for a while and then muses out, “No, not like I love Kellen.”
My head drops forward, eyes on the cold hard ground. The grass flattened from where we sat. Not the answer I was looking for. Yet, she doesn’t move, doesn’t let go of my finger.
I feel the infinitesimal pull and I automatically look up into her stunning, captivating eyes. They’re blazing with a white heat pouring out of them and her. I gasp as the full force of it hits me. Stepping forwards into it, embracing it. Loving it. I’ve never felt anything like it. I would throw myself fully in and burn alive in it if I could.
“I love you like you, Xander. Just you, no one else.” She steps into me, kissing me. Full-on, blow your hair back, kisses me. Grabs hold of my head and pulls me closer to her.
I put my arms inside her coat and pull her waist to me. A primal growl rips from my lips. Her body responds to it. What the hell is happening to me? We stand in that graveyard, kissing, touching and making out for a long time.
Moving her towards the church, I drag her into the entrance way, out of prying eyes. Pushing her against the wall, I kiss her again, caressing her, stroking her, unzipping my hoodie, pulling out my T-shirt from my jeans. I need her hands on me. I put her hands up inside my shirt, letting her fingers move over me. Wishing she’d move them elsewhere but knowing she won’t.
I have a massive hard-on, and push into her body so she can feel what she does to me. I pull her shirt out of her skirt, needing to touch her skin. I feel the smoothness of her stomach, her muscles. I move my hands up and skim the underside of her bra. God, my brain is all over the place. I dream of this body and mine, I dream of these tits in my hands.
She opens her neck up to me. “Xander,” she breathes out.
I don’t think I’m going to stop. I can’t stop.
She opens her eyes and looks at me as I kiss along her jawline.
“He loves you, Evie. He wants you. I love him. He’s the only person who really knows me and loves me. We can’t do this.” My voice is so fucking low, and I’m gasping out the words.
She nods. “I know, but I love you too, Xan. And not like him, like you, just Xander.” She drops out of my arms and touches my lips. “You’re so beautiful, Xan,” she whispers as she presses her lips to mine, and leaves.
I stand in that churchyard for ages after, wondering what the hell just happened to me. I’ve never had anyone make me feel like that. “What the hell did she do?” I sit for another hour and then leave, picking a stone up and placing it carefully on the grave of Lynette Parker.
9
Xander
Chile
We stand in the shadows watching James blow the festival wide open. He’s shirtless, as are Bucky and Fin, the girls are losing it, and the place is rocking. The crowd has gone wholly crazy for them. We won’t be headlining long—they will be. And to be honest, I’m fucking happy about it. If we can get away with playing less and sending out quality stuff, I would let him take over now.
I watch Marcus watching him in wonder. He turns and grins at me. “Can you fucking believe how good they are? They’ve come on again since the summer, with the live stuff. Have you helped him, Xan? I can see some of your stuff in this.” Every word is said in awe. Every word has love in it.
“Not much. They’re real smart.” I’m taking no credit for this, it’s all them and their hard work.”
Gabe and Levi appear and smile up at the stage. As we’ve drawn a bit of a crowd around us, James sees us all and comes over, blowing us all kisses.
“Say hi to my dads,” he says to the crowd, and they go wild when they see where he’s pointing.
“Good job he isn’t singing with us tonight,” says Gabe, “he’ll be knackered.”
