Page 34 of The Devil's Detail
“Carter, are you okay?” Ash is yet again staring into my eyes in concern. “Do you want to stop for a coffee? There’s that little cafe up the road you like.” I can see him trying to figure out what’s going on. We both look unhappy, and it’s been going on for weeks.
“Naw, just take me home. We have coffee there, you know.”
I try to grin, but he just looks more and more worried. He knows it’s not about the coffee—it’s about the human contact, the connections. But I’m trying to behave. In fact I know I have been. Because I haven’t seen Jackson in what feels like forever. But Ash’s job is security, so I’m not really sure what his problem is.
The weeks roll by. I’ve noticed that the Greystones, Barclays, and Russells are calling me on a weekly basis. Marcus, Xander, James, Bucky, Jonno, Evie… everyone but the babies. Although I do get to see them in the arms of their parents, so that helps. A little. When Marshall calls me, I know they’re worried about me. But nothing any of them can do will help.
Well, one of them can help me.
He’s started to drop in unexpectedly. Ducking in for a few minutes here and there then leaving. But while he’s here, it’s as if all the data is being assimilated. Watching me, weighing me with his eyes, so dark brown, they’re almost black. If it wasn’t for the caramel flecks, they’d look dead. But I still feel like I could fall into them and never get out. I wouldn’t want to.
I need to tell him. I need to make my feelings known. If he tells me no, then fair enough. At least I would have asked. I’m normally more up front, normally way out there, shouting it from the rooftops. ‘Look at me, my beautiful brown-eyed boy. See me. I want to spend all my time with you.’
Every time he pops up, my brain turns to mush. My speech becomes erratic. My flirting ramps up to epic proportions. His eyes roll to match it.
The worst thing? My cock is hard after every visit. It’s the only time it gets hard. Even when I’m flirting with some of the best looking actors on the planet, some who even flirt back—Nothing. Not a damn thing.
I considered going to the doctor. Pills may be required. I’m only thirty-six, how can I have an issue? But I know it’s not that. It’s him. He is the only one who can help. God, I want him. Only him.
His kind, considerate voice comes at me as he walks through a door onto a set I’m waiting to go on to. “Carter, good to see you. All okay?”
It’s his standard greeting. But I see the eyes boring into mine. His amazing brain computing the data. It’s become a bit of a routine.
“I’m good, sugar. All okay out there?”
I give him my obligatory response, wafting my hand towards the doors. But he keeps asking me.
I can see the other questions silently coming at me. ‘What’s wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? What the fuck is wrong, man?’
I see him and Ash discussing me. “Don’t let him lie to you, honey. I’m behaving. Never went off to a diner the other day. Stayed home. All quiet on the Carter front.” I try to enthuse my voice with flirty sarcasm. My standard fare. But even that falls flat. And I watch as they both look at each other. I might be behaving, but they know I’m not okay. I am not fooling these two.
And they’re right. For the first time in my adult life, my soul is dying, and I don’t know how to stop it on my own. Or resurrect the pieces that are already gone. I feel adrift, at sea, unable to goforward. And I know there’s no turning back either. The genie is well and truly out of the bottle. The one man who could heal me, love me, doesn’t want me. Doesn’t love me. But I’m helpless to not love him.
22
Jackson
“What’s wrong with him,do you think?” Ash is watching Carter on his film set. I’m shaking my head. Even here I can see he’s different. He’s not hitting on anyone, his social butterfly tendencies have clearly been held in a net. If not shrivelled into a cocoon.
“I've had the family call him. Even Marshall.” My eyes are not leaving Carter. “They say he seems fine, all good. But they probably can’t see him. And, to be fair, he is a very good actor.”
“One of the best,” Ash states proudly.
“Feeling sorry for him now as well? He’s got promotions and things next week. Maybe that will perk him up.” I watch the man, who is usually so vibrant, slink off to the back of the set. Bloody hell.
“Maybe. The minute the cameras are off, though, so is he. He’s been at home,alone,every night. He never talks to anyone, only at events. He’s had no friends around. Plus, he hasn’t baked anything in weeks, and he loves to bake.” Ash is listing the alarming characteristics that are definitely not my most famousclient’s. “He’s shrinking, Jax. And to be honest, I’m really worried.” He stops to make sure I’m listening.
I am.
“I know we wanted control, but I didn’t want to kill his spirit,” I say with feeling. That is the last thing I wanted. He’s a client, but he’s also a friend. I care about him.
“Tell you what, why don’t you start working out with him. If he’s depressed, that helps. I’ll even come and join you.” I smirk at Ash, whose eyebrows shoot up.
“Fuck me, he’ll have a heart attack if you’re bending and stretching in front of him. But it’ll cheer him up at least.” He grins. “I’m happy to use you as bait. Get the gym shorts out, Jackson.” He starts to laugh at my plan. “It might just work.”
I’ve been bidingmy time and letting them get into a fitness routine, but today I’m dressed for it, ready to do yoga right alongside them. Ash has had Carter in a full-on regimen of fitness training for weeks now. Time for me to join the show.
I’m just straightening the mat when Carter comes out of the house.
