Page 49 of The Devil's Detail
My response is resigned when Evie questions me a few days later, asking if I’ve seen Carter yet, or heard from Jameson Bonney. We had a full plane ride home to LA to talk through all my issues.
It was cathartic. The realisation that the reason I bailed on Mr Jameson Bonney, the ultimate mystery man and sex God, was that it was and probably only ever would be sex. And after the months spent with Carter, getting to know him—really know him, the man behind the facade, behind all the glitz and glamour—finding out he was so much more. He actually shone brighter than the showbiz razzle dazzle. To take him as just that was an insult to the man himself.
And I love it. The fact that the truth is more than the fiction perfectly sums Carter up. The depths of feeling he has for those he loves. The care. The generous spirit. He’s a full on fairy tale. And I’m prepared to slay any dragon he asks me to. To protect him, and to love him.
“Ash phoned and said he got a last minute call from Freddie, and headed straight out.”
“And Bonney? Nothing from him?” We’re stood in the kitchen of her Malibu home. She’s making sandwiches while the twins clamber up my legs, trying to coerce me into taking them into the pool. Again.
I take Rio from Evie, and point outside for the boys to get their swimming trunks. They sprint off with Nanny Valentina in tow.
“No, Bonney’s disappeared into the wind again. But to be honest, I said no to making another appointment. So I’m not expecting to meet him again.”
“So it’s just Carter still in the running.” She sounds hopeful. But then, Carter is her friend.
I shrug. “He’s hard work. Jets off around the world at the drop of a hat. Chat shows, auditions, filming… he’s a PR dream.” I’m being grumpy and she knows it. I half expected Carter to turn up on my door the instant we landed, but he didn’t. I think I might be a teeny bit disappointed about that. But I keep that to myself.
Instead, I try to distract her—and myself—off the topic of Carter entirely. “Where are the dads?” No sounds in the house, so they can’t be in. They’re noisier than the twins.
“They’ll be back shortly. Headed over to Gabe’s place to look at some guitar he bought.” She stops the food prep again and looks intensely into my face, eyes searching to see if she can see what’s going on with me. “What’s up Jackson? Really. I mean, if you don’t want to go into the spotlight, in all honesty, I would suggest you tell Carter ‘no.’ But if you want to try giving it a go, he’ll try and keep you out of it. And you can help yourself, you know. By not acting crazy, or doing anything wild.” She gives me a healthy glare.
I snort at her simple outlook on the situation. “I’ve seen how the media operate.” So has she, to that point. But I know she’s trying to help me come to my own conclusion, not hers. “I’ll be fair game. It’s my job to combat some of their antics. It’s relentless. And adding in Carter, it’s mayhem. Add another boyfriend into the mix, one who has high celebrity connections”—I point to myself—“Dynamite.”
I’m as dramatic as Carter at this point, and she pulls me back down, grounding me in a reality she knows all too well. “Is that it? I mean, you don’t have to go out every night. And you both work. If Carter has a film, he’s away filming. You can hide in your office every day. Surely that’s not the only reason?” I can see she’s thought about it. Hell, it’s the only thing I’ve thought about.
“It’s not now I’m worried about, it’s after it’s all over with. And believe me, it will be over with. The man is a relationship junkie. One in, one out.” I sit on the stool, holding Rio, who is drooling on my shoulder. She still looks beautiful doing it.
“So you’re at the ending before you’ve even crossed the starting line?” she accuses me.
I nod. “Don’t tell me you didn’t do that with Kell. Because I don’t believe you.”
She sighs. “Yeah, okay, I did. A bit.” She grins at me. “But I loved him, loved them. I’m prepared to put it all out there for what I get now. And if now, or in the future, things don’t go well for us all, I refuse to look back with regrets.” She points the knife in her hand at me. “I live for now, and plan for later. But if later doesn’t come, and I ask myself that question, have I done it all? Have I done what I wanted to do? The answer for me will be yes. And I refuse to not do something because I’m not sure of the future. That future may not come. So get on with it, Jackson. Take a chance, live a little. Or, if you’re with Carter, a lot. It’s not a life sentence, you know. You can opt out if you want. He can’tchain you into his life forever. And to be honest, I don’t think he would want you unhappy.” She comes over and kisses my forehead. And then plants one on her daughter.
“I suppose if you’d have thought too hard about the whole Kell and Xan thing, we would not have this little beauty here,” I relent. “Or those gorgeous two out there. And hopefully two more into the mix,” I say softly to her, touching her pregnant stomach.
“If I’d have thought too much about anything in the future, there may not have been a James, and therefore a Bucky. So, whilst I know you’re worried, I think in order to know for certain, you’d have to give it a go.”
She ponders something for a moment, then pulls out the same concern Carter thought I was having. “Is it your work? Do you think your alpha hero security teams won’t like having a gay leader? Or a leader with a boyfriend?” I can see her mind working yet again through the issues, or perceived issues.
“I gave that a bit of thought, and no. My teams are all pretty accepting. They work in a world of differing sorts. Having a gay client has never been brought up as an issue. So no, not really. And if a client doesn’t want me, or my company, to look after them just because I chose to date a man? Then they shouldn’t be clients of mine anyway. We all, thanks to Jonno, have the luxury of having a choice. We don’t need the money. We do things because we like them,” I state with conviction. Although it’s true none of my staff would be bothered.
“Well this is an interesting debate.” Kell's voice comes at us from the boot room. He and Xander walk into full view, Kell homing in on Rio in my arms. “Hand the kid over. It’s my turn for a cuddle. Xan’s been hogging her since they came back the other day. She smells divine. Don’t you, my lovely daughter.” He plucks Rio out of my arms. “You can take charge of those two.”
We look outside to the pool, where Tommy is being hassled to get in with the boys. They both have swim trunks and arm floats on.
I grin at Tommy being bullied by two little boys. “Can’t wait for these other two to be born. You’ll be begging me to come and babysit.”
“You’re right we will. We have more than enough kids to share. We’re happy for anyone to come. The more the merrier.” Xander grins at me as he moves towards the doors to wave at the boys. “Tommy doesn’t stand a chance. They are a force of nature,” he says, proudly waving at them all in the pool. “So are you going for it then, Jackson. With Carter?”
“Whoa, Jackson. Going to be weird seeing you dangling on the arm of Carter Maywood. He likes his boyfriends to wear matching outfits. That last guy he had was always colour coordinating them both.” Kell tries to maintain a straight face, really digging into what he thinks will be one of my biggest insecurities. But when Xan nearly sprays him with the sip he just took, Kell loses the battle and starts to laugh.
“Fuck off, I will not be dangling on anything. And no way in hell am I wearing a colour coordinated outfit. See, this is what I mean.” I turn to Evie, flapping my arms towards the two grinning men. “And it’s only these two. I don’t think this is going to be worth it.” I pout at her, in mock disapproval.
“Jackson, I’m teasing you. Of course I wouldn’t expect you to do that. And to be fair, if Carter does—which he won’t, because I don’t actually think he liked doing it with Gary—then he has truly lost his mind. He knows you. It’d be like trying to get Xander to coordinate. Or hold my hand in public. Anytime I try, he tells me to fuck off.” Kell is grinning at his husband and wife. Jesus what a household we are.
“Why don’t you two go out in public together. Nobody knew you were together?” I ask them curiously.
Xander shrugs. “We agreed years ago, anything we had was just between us. And besides, we weren’t together. He did his thing, I did mine. It wasn’t until Evie came back to us that things changed.” He walks over and takes Evie’s hands, stopping her from making her sandwiches to pull her in for a hug. “I fell in love all over again. With them both. We couldn’t not. There are not many things that are private in our world. But us together, is one I would guard with my life.”
