Page 35 of A Housekeeper for the Earl of Drinkwater
Sincerely,
Caroline Wigmore
By the time he reached the end of the letter, Edward had gone numb. He stared at the pages long after he’d finished reading them, forgetting his cooling breakfast in front of him.
“Is everything all right, my lord?” Clarke asked, his earlier smile gone.
Edward shook his head, tossing the letter on top of his uneaten food and standing.
“Not at all, Clarke,” he said without looking at the butler as he left the dining hall.
Disoriented and distraught, Edward stormed from the room, glad no servants were around to see him as he headed from the dining room to the back door of the manor. He went to the stables, bypassing the maddened stable hand to saddle his own horse and heading off into the nearby fields.
He rode until he could no longer see the manor. And then, he rode a little further. Only then did he slow the beast beneath him to a walk and allow himself to think once more. He had memorised Caroline’s letter, and he reread it over and over in his mind.
I am already married,she wrote.I could not wait any longer, Edward . . . I hope you can find your own happiness, and that you can be happy for me, as well.
He snorted, recalling the heaviness he’d felt at reading her new name.I am certainlynothappy, Caroline,he thought bitterly.Not for myself, or for you.
He had been away at war for two years, but if his memory served,Wigmorewas a dukedom, and a wealthy one at that. Truly, it should be no surprise to him that Caroline had chosen to marry a wealthy man with a higher rank than him, rather than wait for him. But they had loved each other, or so he had thought. At least, he had loved her. Hadn’t he?
Now, it was difficult for him to believe she had ever loved him. If she had, she would not have given up waiting for him so easily. But then, could he blame her? As dejected as he felt, he allowed himself to consider that they were very young when they promised themselves to each other. Neither of them knew much about the world, and they had never experienced courtship or romantic feelings before.
And then, there was the matter of his lack of . . . devastation. It was true that, had he learned of her marriage while he was still serving in the war, he might have been so heartbroken as to feel he could not go on without her.
Perhaps it was just the shock of returning home to find his whole family either dead or dying that prevented him from feeling the loss now. Or, maybe, their love had just been a dream he’d nurtured to keep himself going as he fought in battle after battle. All he knew was that now she was out of reach, he felt nothing but a kind of relief at losing the love he’d once believed he couldn’t live without.
He did feel a sense of loss, however. As ashamed as he was to admit it, even to himself, he felt a great sense of loss over knowing there was no longer any hope of saving the estate with Caroline’s dowry.
Part of him missed her, but he wondered if that might be because he’d become so familiar and comfortable with the idea of marrying her. In any event, she was never going to be his now; he did not have her, or her money.
And yet, even as he had these thoughts, he realised his mind was beginning to clear. Without the possibility of marrying Caroline and having her dowry, he was able to focus more directly on his plans for the estate. He supposed he would eventually mourn what could have been, but now did not seem like the right time.
Pushing aside all thoughts of lost love and money, he turned and headed in the direction of the farms. There was still a little light left in the day, and he had been working hard on some new ideas. He felt it only right to sit down with Stamp and discuss them with him. If he agreed with the proposals, and if Edward could sell another heirloom or two to fun them, they could begin implementing them immediately. He knew the farmers were busy with their own farms but getting equipment working and rebuilding barns and suchlike for storage was also important.
He need no longer worry about neglecting Caroline while he worked on helping organise the repairs. Therefore, he could volunteer himself where necessary, to speed up progress. And as rent was now coming in from the colonel, and as he sold more heirlooms, he could begin hiring workers to come in and help, as well.
Satisfied, he trotted down to Stamp’s smallholding. He felt confident in his plans, and for the time being, he forgot all about CarolineWigmore,as she now was. Even with everyone giving it all their effort, there was still much hard work ahead. But Edward was prepared to put everything he had left into bringing his estate back to life.
Chapter Fifteen
In the following days, Serena went about her duties with extra love and care. It felt good to receive such praise for something she enjoyed doing so much, and it was even more rewarding to see the changes that came faster every day.
But that was not the only reason she worked harder than ever. Mrs. Chantry had told her that her work was lifting the earl’s spirits. She would have continued to work forever, without any salary, just for that reason alone. Especially after Mrs. Chantry told her everything that had happened to the earl.
She cried sometimes at night, thinking of how horrible it all must have been for him. She regretted not being able to spend more time with him, to get to know him better and offer her condolences.
She tried to convince herself that she only wanted to offer kindness. She even admitted that she was also a little curious about his limp, which he never discussed with anyone, as far as she knew. And, for a time, she believed it.
She kept herself busy with her work each day, and she was often exhausted by the end. But soon enough, she had done almost all she could do, aside from minor daily upkeep, in all the ground floor rooms in the house. She’d made good progress and, in less than a month since her arrival, she was ready to begin work on the first floor.
As she dressed for the day, about three weeks or so after starting at Chimneys, she found herself thinking again of the earl. She rarely had anything to do with him. But when she did, he was always pleasant, warm, and kind. He ensured she had all the supplies she needed, and he seemed to truly care that she should feel comfortable with her duties, and in his home.
And he is so handsome,she thought as she tidied her hair. She blushed at the mere thought, but she could not help but smile. She knew, of course, that she should be having no such thoughts about her employer. But each time she saw him, he looked more and more beautiful to her, despite the deep pain and sadness in his eyes.
And even as she scolded herself for thinking so, another, more prominent, thought came to her mind unbidden.He is handsome and wonderful, and I will never be able to stop caring for him.And even though she knew nothing could ever come of her feelings, she still cherished them.
Besides, there was somewhere for them to go; she was beginning to love the mansion as much as she cared for its master, as if it were a part of him. She certainly loved her work, and there never seemed to be enough hours in the day.
