Page 56 of The Duke's Last Dance
When his father was asleep sometime mid-journey, Nicolas thought about the first letter that would arrive from Catherine. It would arrive shortly after they did, hopefully, because they would have already been gone a week, and she had promised that he would receive a letter every week.
He wondered what had happened in Town while they had been gone. If Lord Radcliff and Juliet were happily enjoying the first few weeks of their marriage, and if they had any idea what kind of things would come to them in the future.
However, the time he spent in thought was not always about Catherine. His father’s condition was swiftly deteriorating on the journey, and he was afraid that his father would not survive the week-long journey. He could see it in his mother’s face, too; she was also worried for his father.
He had never understood how his mother could love his father. Though he loved his father in some ways, he had never quite understood how other men – especially men like Lord Radcliff, who seemed to have free rein to do whatever they wanted so long as it did not disgrace the family name – could love their fathers with all their hearts.
His father had been a controlling, meddling man who wanted to maintain control over his family until the moment his final breath left his body.
That was the only reason he could think of that really fitted his father’s final wish to pass away at Gracemere.
Despite everyone’s predictions, his father did indeed survive the journey to Gracemere. He had survived the week, and now it was just a waiting game. They got him settled in the bed chamber, and Nicolas wanted to go unpack his trunks to get away from the mess for a while.
If his father had been able to survivethatjourney, he worried about how long his father would survive here, where they could keep a better eye on his health and make sure that any major issues were taken care of immediately.
“Thank you,” his father said quietly as he left the room.
“Of course, Father,” Nicolas replied. He nodded curtly as he left, and then shut the door behind him.
His mother remained in the room with his father, and that was all right with Nicolas.
He watched from one of the many windows in the hallway as a storm began outside. The clouds had been gathering for a day or two now, and the rapid change in the weather could have been the reason his father’s health had suddenly taken such a turn for the worse.
He watched as the rain began to streak down the windows. It would not have been worth coming if not for the happiness it brought his father. After all the contemplation he had given it the last week, he had realized that he did love his father, but it was a stiff love. It was a love that required him to be away from his father for a long time before he appreciated what his father was trying to do.
The marriage with Miss Alexia – while not right for Nicolas or Miss Alexia at all – was his father’s way of both trying to control him and trying to give him a good match for the future.
He just wished his father could have seen that he was in love with Catherine Radcliffe and decided it was a good match before thinking he could set his son up with Miss Alexia without any kind of backlash.
Someone sat beside him, and he looked away from the window and the rain. His mother sat beside him now, also watching the rain hit the window.
As he looked at his mother, he realized the last three months had aged her. Her hair had begun to turn grey, and there were now many wrinkles around her eyes and forehead. Her cheeks no longer had the same vibrant, youthful color they’d had when he first arrived home, even though it had begun to fade before that, too.
Her shoulders slumped, as if she realized no one was watching except her son and it was okay to not be quite as proper in front of Nicolas.
“I worry, Nicolas,” she began. “I worry that your father is not as strong as we think.” She took in a deep breath, but Nicolas could hear and see it. Her voice quivered. Her hands shook. It was not just worry that his father would not get over the illness; it was worry that she would not have anyone to look after her when his father passed away.
His grandparents on both sides of the family had passed away when Nicolas was very young, and so he was literally the only person his mother could rely on if she needed someone to look after her when his father was gone.
“Do not worry so, Mother. All will be well, no matter how father’s illness ends,” Nicolas said. He was attempting to cheer her up, but he felt that he was not doing such a good job. “I need not return to the Navy; I can get a job here in Town and be here to support you. After all, I am sure the Navy has plenty of other young men ready to serve, and more willingly than I.”
“You are good to me, Nicolas,” his mother said. “You have become a wonderful young man, and Miss Alexia will be pleased to have you as a husband.”
“Mother… I do not wish to think about my wedding at a time like this. Let us focus on Father and making sure that he will be all right and comfortable here,” he replied, his cheeks coloring.
Why did his mother have to remind him that he would have to marry Miss Alexia for his fortune? He did not, could not, and would not want to marry her. Even if she was not as self-centered as she was, he thought that there was a better match for him in Lady Catherine, and he was going to make sure that he kept his promise.
“Do we still have a large stack of paper in the study, Mother?” He changed the topic.
“We do, I believe… why do you ask, Nicolas? ‘Tis not like you to be interested in writing letters…” His mother puckered her lips.
“I made a promise that I would write to Lord Radcliff. He has been rather worried about my well-being, and thought it was foolish of us to bring Father here,” Nicolas started. Then he realized what he was saying.
He was lying to his own mother. He could have simply said he was writing to Miss Alexia, and everyone would have believed that until they saw the address on the envelopes. For it to be realistic, he had to be writing Lord Radcliff at his father’s residence.
“Ah. I see. Well, there ought to be plenty of paper in there. You may want to go see, though,” his mother replied.
He nodded, and then he got up from where he was sitting. There was nothing more he could do for his mother right now, and it was clear from how she was sitting that she wanted to be alone for a while. However, he was afraid to leave her alone.
