“The pink one, I believe,” she said.
Greta cooed in approval.
“That one will be just beautiful,” she said.
Cecily nodded, keeping her thoughts to herself. But in the back of her mind rang her own voice, clear and unforgiving:What will it matter how beautiful I look, when everyone knows how broken I am?
She forced the self-pity out of her heart, feeling shame for letting it sneak into her mind in the first place. That night was not about her, and she needed to be as sure about trying to enjoy it for her sister’s sake as she had said she was. Agnes truly deserved the best, and Cecily was not incapable of doing her part to ensure she got it.
When she was ready, Greta guided her to the door. The mirror Cecily once used to inspect her reflection after she was dressed had been removed the year prior. It only served as another ornament to trip Cecily, and she could no longer see herself anyway.
Sometimes, especially when she was getting ready for the rare social event she attended, she wished that she could still see herself. Not out of vanity, she knew that she was pretty just as Agnes was though, she had never thought of herself as the loveliest woman in London. She simply missed seeing the flush of excitement in her own cheeks as she dressed for parties and dances.
“You look so beautiful, Lady Cecily,” Greta said. “You should be most impressed at how lovely you are.”
Cecily blushed and smiled at her maid. She knew her face must have told the woman some of what she was thinking.
“I do not doubt your flawless skills at all, Greta,” Cecily assured her. “And besides, it is Agnes who matters most tonight. Will you tell me how she looks after the ball starts?”
The maid embraced her, and Cecily could feel her sympathy. She knew it came from a place of love, but it always made her feel guilty.
“I certainly will,” she said.
***
That evening, Cecily sat alone in the far corner of her parent’s ballroom. She still remembered most of the details of the room from before she began to lose her sight, but she had no idea how it had been decorated for that evening. She kept herself entertained by imagining that it looked much as it had for her own debut ball.
There had been pink and white banners all along the walls and matching ribbons wrapped around each of the pillars. There were daisies and white roses on every table, as well as woven into wreaths that hung alternatively between the banners. The crystal dinnerware had glistened with the shine from the silver candelabras, and the gold chandelier had cast a light over the entire room like something from a storybook.
Cecily also tried to put faces to the people whose voices she could hear. She made sure to not look in their direction, so as to not end up staring awkwardly at people she could not see. To that point in the evening, she had not heard any rude remarks about her. But nor had anyone approached her to make conversation. Until that was, someone sat down beside her.
Cecily smiled, instantly recognizing Greta’s floral hair oil. She reached for her lady’s maid’s hand, which the woman clasped on her own.
“Oh, Lady Cecily,” she breathed, leaning close to her mistress. “This is such a lovely ball. Everyone seems to be having a splendid time. Especially Lady Agnes.”
Cecily grinned.
“How is she faring with the gentlemen?” she asked.
Greta giggled.
“I assure you, she has no shortage of suitors vying for her attention,” she said. “I cannot think of a single moment since the ball began that she has not been speaking with a fine young man.”
Cecily sighed happily. That was precisely what she had hoped to hear.
“That is wonderful news,” she said. “I truly hope that she will find a match during this Season.”
Greta laughed again and patted Cecily’s shoulder.
“From the looks of it, it is possible that she shall find one this evening,” she said.
Cecily nodded. She was grateful to hear such news. She hoped that her success that evening would be the final thing she needed to stop feeling the reluctance to marry and leave Cecily alone. Agnes deserved happiness, and Cecily hoped that her sister would begin to realize it after her ball.
The evening drew to a close some hours later. Cecily was pleasantly surprised that no one had gone out of their way to be rude to her. However, toward the end of the evening, she had heard some whispers and felt the sharp sting of watchful eyes from somewhere in the room. She had not reacted, but she was relieved when Greta came to help her to her chambers and dress for bed.
She was too ready to fall asleep. But when she smelled the lily perfume that Agnes had worn for her debut ball, she smiled and sat back up, patting the chair beside her bed.
“It is about time that you came to tell me how things went,” she teased, giggling.
