It seemed as though everyone couldn’t turn their attention away from the altar fast enough to give him glowers of disdain. Albert struggled to not return the glares. Even on someone else’s wedding day, members of the ton couldn’t resist showing him just how hideous they thought he was. He hated that he let people who could clearly be so petty get to him so much. But he also knew he was partly to blame. He was out, mingling amongst them, knowing full well they would look at him, just as they were then. However, he wouldn’t have been doing it, had it not been for his father’s grand plans for his life.
Albert sighed, trying to put on a brave face as he and his parents made their way to their seats. Unlike the first months following the accident, his skin had thickened against those looks from high society. And he only needed to tolerate them a little while longer. Soon, the whole wild notion of him having an arranged marriage would be over, and he could go back to the countryside and resume his reclusive lifestyle. He could hold out that long, surely.
It's only a game of pretend,he thought, waiting for the ceremony to begin. He had been spending time with Miss Elwood, and he needed his father to see it and take notice. She was a sweet, and rather pretty, young lady. But that was all the more reason for Albert to want her to end the courtship.
And he was sure that she would, especially now that she saw just how the ton viewed people like him, and anyone associated with him. He was sure that any day, she would see that being married to a scarred gentleman would be nothing but a burden for her for the rest of her life and run far away from him.
It took a few more minutes for the final guests to be seated. Once they were, the church musician began playing soft organ music at the front of the sanctuary. All the guests turned to see Miss Elwood starting down the aisle as a bridesmaid. Behind her, the bride was waiting to be escorted down the aisle by her uncle. But Albert only took brief notice of them, despite it being Miss Isabel’s wedding. For the moment, something else held his attention.
The Miss Elwood to whom he was supposed to be getting engaged wore a dress somewhat similar to her cousin’s wedding dress. It was made of lovely muslin, with a simple satin ribbon around the waist. Her hair was pinned with silver combs adorned with pearls, and she was carrying a small bouquet of white roses and baby’s breath. The white gloves were also muslin, and plain, and yet they gave the whole outfit an elegant look. She was staring straight ahead, and Albert could see a faint pink tinge to her cheeks. He thought she also looked a little misty eyed, and he guessed that she was feeling emotional, as many people did at weddings.
He didn’t realize he was imagining how she would look on their wedding day until she had taken her place at the front of the church to await the bride’s arrival. As he took in Miss Isabel’s, soon to be Mrs. Johnson’s, dress, his mind gave him an image of Miss Martha Elwood in it. Only, in his imagination, she had flowers in her hair, and a tiara, rather than a bonnet, like the bride had.
He closed his eyes tightly, grateful for the prayer that would lead the wedding service. Why had he been thinking such things, when he had no intention of getting married? He knew it must have been the wedding that was just beginning, and the atmosphere surrounding it. Still, he hid his blushing cheeks, doing everything he could to change the direction of his thoughts.
He did well, following along with the vicar as he proceeded with the ceremony. He wasn’t paying any real attention, but it helped him to stay distracted by making the effort to do so. Until that was, he looked up at Miss Elwood again. He hadn’t intended to do it. His traitorous eyes just didn’t seem to be able to stay off her, for a reason he could not fathom.
He hadn’t expected her to look at him back, however. She was serving her role as bridesmaid, now holding the bride’s bouquet and, until then, she had been watching the marrying couple with adoration. But as soon as he looked in her direction, she looked up in his. The result was them locking eyes, and Albert’s heart stopping. Her eyes did, indeed, have tears in them, making them look like shimmering green pools. But as she looked at him, her cheeks turned pink, and she gave him a slow, small smile. He couldn’t help returning it as he looked at her, for far too long to be appropriate. Was she thinking about what it would be like for them to get married, like he had been?
The idea forced him to look away from Miss Elwood. It was one thing for him to momentarily forget himself and entertain such notions. Ultimately, he knew he had no intention of marrying her. But he couldn’t give her any more reason to think they would be wed than she already had. Nothing more could come of their relationship than the moderate acquaintanceship they had. And he couldn’t do anything to make her think otherwise before he had the chance to speak with her about it.
The vicar’s deep voice grew louder, his voice carrying throughout the church. It was time for the couple to recite their vows, and the room fell even more silent than it had been before. Everyone was waiting with bated breath for the couple to exchange their vows. Albert focused on the couple, trying to truly pay attention, feeling guilty for having been so inattentive throughout the earlier parts of the ceremony.
But as he watched Mr. Johnson repeat his vows to his almost wife, Albert’s heart squeezed, and his thoughts wandered once more. He was no longer thinking of Miss Elwood, however. Rather, he was recalling all the times he and Cordelia had discussed exchanging their vows. They had both been so excited about their upcoming wedding. He had even taken to speaking a few words of the vows to Cordelia when they picnicked or strolled through the park together. It made her squeal with delight, and he had loved seeing that smile on her face.
As he saw the love with which the couple gazed at one another during their vow reciting, there was no denying that they cared deeply for one another. He had to look away, hoping no one noticed. All it did was remind him of the love he once had for Cordelia. Sitting in the pew of that church, he wished he had never had such feelings for her. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t be so hurt right then. But would that change the way he felt about marrying Miss Elwood?
When the vicar announced the couple man and wife, everyone in the church began softly applauding. Albert joined in, cursing himself for sending himself back to such a dark, emotional place. He was glad that no one could read his mind, especially during something as supposedly happy as a wedding. He just hoped that no one could read his expression.
All they can read is the scars, fool,he thought bitterly. He tried to keep a blank face as the ceremony drew to a close. He wanted to look casual, even pleasant. But he couldn’t wait to flee the church.
Chapter Nineteen
Martha followed her parents as they made their way to the vestry to join the newlywed couple as they signed the wedding registry. The guests erupted into respectful but joyful applause as the couple faced the pews as official husband and wife. Martha embraced her cousin, who was practically sobbing with tears of joy. Isabel hung onto her for a long moment, and Martha held her patiently.
“I love you, Cousin,” Isabel said, squeezing Martha tightly.
Martha patted her back, pulling away so she could kiss her cousin’s tear-streaked cheek.
“I love you more, darling,” she said.
The couple was then met with several cheers. Martha stepped back as Isabel and Patrick Johnson faced their guests, waving to them in tandem as they stepped back down onto the floor of the sanctuary. Martha blinked back tears as she watched her cousin and her new husband make their way back down the aisle.
She followed behind, smiling as the newlywed couple were met with more boisterous cheers outside the church. She was truly happy for Isabel. And watching everyone applaud for the couple warmed Martha’s heart. For the first time since hearing of Isabel’s engagement, she felt nothing but joy.
A few minutes later, Martha climbed aboard the carriage opposite her parents. They were chatting away about the wedding, and how happy they were for Isabel and Patrick. Martha was barely listening, however. Her thoughts had drifted to her own pending engagement to Lord Billington.
She had always dreamt of marrying a man she loved. But as it stood, that wasn’t to be her fate. She found herself replaying the wedding ceremony, and the complete devotion and adoration in the eyes of both Patrick and Isabel. There was no doubt in her mind that Patrick was as madly in love with Isabel, as her cousin was with him. It was something that fairy tales told young children was possible, but few people ever truly experienced.
And yet, Martha knew that many young women wished desperately to find the same thing, only to find themselves in arrangements much like her own. Her fate was not unique, and yet many people found happiness in those arranged marriages. But could she possibly be one such person? Could Lord Billington?
Her heart fluttered as she recalled how he had looked at her during the wedding ceremony. She still didn’t know him well, but she was learning his eyes, and the look he was giving her seemed to mirror what she was thinking right then. She had once believed that he could never be anything but cold toward her. But in the past couple of days, he had proven her wrong about that. What if she was wrong about their future happiness, as well?
As the carriage came to a halt, Martha was pulled from her thoughts. She silently scolded herself for having let her thoughts drift so far away from her cousin, on what was to be one of the best days of her life. Martha could dwell on her ponderings when she went to bed that evening. Right then was supposed to be a time for celebration for her cousin and her new husband.
Her father helped the ladies from the carriage, and Martha dutifully followed her parents inside. The excited chatter that had begun at the church was amplified, now that they were out of the sacred building. People were laughing and talking about how happy Isabel and Patrick looked. Martha smiled warmly. She was thrilled to see so many people happy for Isabel. The atmosphere helped her settle into a celebration mood, and she was smiling by the time they reached the breakfast table, which had been set up, in place of refreshment tables, in the ballroom. Martha sat beside her mother, who was smiling, with tear streaks down her cheeks.
“Oh, I can hardly believe it,” she said. “Isabel is married. And soon, you will be, as well. Both my girls, married and beginning their own lives. My heart is so full.”
