Martha giggled.
“No, that’s quite all right,” she said. “I’d hate to miss my chance to dance with you.”
The viscount looked at her with a bit of intensity then.
“I’d never let that happen,” he said.
Martha blushed and looked away from the viscount. She knew her feelings for him. But was it possible that he might be feeling the same way about her, as well?
Before she could dwell on it too much, the viscount bowed to her and her family, politely excusing himself. Her heart skipped once more as she watched him walk away. She thought he might be going to mingle with some business associates, or to speak with his father. But oddly, he wove his way through the crowd and slipped out of an open door. She wondered where he could be going. Did it have anything to do with the people staring at them?
Chapter Twenty-six
Albert closed his eyes as the cool evening air hit his face. He took two more steps out onto the terrace, relishing the sensation of the breeze. He desperately needed fresh air to clear his mind. He felt terrible for securing one of Miss Elwood’s dance sets and then leaving her. But he had realized something powerful, and he needed to think about the implications of his new realization.
Despite all his intentions to end his courtship with Miss Elwood, and his conviction that she didn’t need him in her life, he could no longer deny that he was starting to fall in love with her. It had started to really take root in his mind when he realized that she had never looked at him with any amount of disgust. But there was more to her than that.
She was an incredible artist, so much so that it was giving him the itch to sketch. She could win over the people who were important to Albert in mere minutes, and she was amazing with children, with no effort at all. Not to mention that she was a genuine, sweet, caring woman, and clearly very intelligent, as well. And she was so beautiful, especially her brilliant green eyes. However, even though Albert now realized how he felt about Miss Elwood, he still wasn’t sure what he should do about it.
He felt terribly conflicted. He didn’t hate the idea of loving the woman who was to be his future wife. Nor did he hate the notion of her loving him in return. But that was part of his problem. He didn’t know if she felt even remotely the same way that he did. And he still wasn’t sure whether his feelings were worth putting Miss Elwood through being married to his scarred countenance for the rest of her life. Though, if she did love him, that would mean that she didn’t mind his scars. Then again, her love wouldn’t prevent her from being ridiculed.
He ran a hand through his hair, his thoughts leaping from one to the next. He didn’t know what he should do. It was never part of his plan to actually have feelings for Miss Elwood. But now that he did, he couldn’t decide how he should handle the situation. He closed his eyes, thinking about his conversation with Neil about him deserving happiness. He had thought that Neil was simply trying to play matchmaker with him, like his parents were, at first. But now, he entertained the idea of his friend’s words being true.
Deep down, Albert knew he could certainly be happy with Miss Elwood. He had tried to convince himself that that wasn’t the case. But while he could lie to other people, he could no longer lie to himself. That still didn’t help him solve his dilemma. Even if he chose to embrace his feelings for her, how was he supposed to do that? And what would he say to her?
The truth,he thought in Neil’s calm, matter-of-fact voice.Tell her the truth.
Albert knew that the fake Neil voice in his head was right. That was what he needed to do. Not just about his feelings. He needed to tell her how reluctant he had been to marry her, as well as his intentions to try to get her to call off their wedding. That would be the only way they could have a proper start to a real, genuine relationship.
He just hoped that knowing that he had been so against marrying her wouldn’t hurt her feelings. He couldn’t say he blamed her if it did. But he wanted her to understand that now that he loved her, he couldn’t bear the thought of not marrying her. And he would have to hope that would be enough.
He breathed deeply of the cool air, a sense of relief washing over him. It seemed that his recent turmoil hadn’t been from his conflict over his feelings for Miss Elwood, but from his lack of ability to admit to them. Now that he had allowed himself to embrace the love he was beginning to feel for her, the world seemed less heavy and melancholy, and he felt freer than he had in ages. He decided that it was best to speak with her as soon as he possibly could. He thought it best to call on her the following morning. He wished he could speak with her that night. But a ball was hardly the place for such a conversation.
With his thoughts more in order, and his decision made, Albert finally returned to the ballroom. He truly did feel better than he had in ages. He glanced around, searching for Miss Elwood. He found her speaking with her mother. He decided that he wouldn’t disrupt their conversation, even though he suddenly desperately wanted to be in her company.
Instead, he sought out his father, who was engaged in conversation with James. Albert normally would have avoided his cousin. However, he was in higher spirits than he had been in some time. He decided that he wouldn’t let James get to him that evening.
The earl looked up when he saw his son approach. He studied Albert for a moment, and Albert gave him a smile.
“Good evening, Father,” he said, bowing. “And to you, James.”
The earl gave him a slow, if cool, smile.
“Good evening, Albert,” he said. “James and I were just discussing Lord Liverpool.”
Albert gave a nod of his head.
“Made quite a change to our monetary system, didn’t he,” he said, more as a statement than a question. “What do you think about him restoring the gold standard?”
His father looked impressed, despite the fact that he and Albert had discussed this some time before the prime minister implemented the change.
“It certainly did,” he said. “And we’ve been assured that the change will not cause inflation.”
Albert nodded again. He recalled the news articles discussing Lord Liverpool’s efforts.
James snorted, gaining the attention of both Albert and his father.
“You don’t actually believe that, do you?” he asked. “It’s not possible to do something like that, without incurring negative consequences. How can they possibly make any changes to currency without changing the economy?”
