Page 62 of An Arranged Betrothal with a Contrite Duke
“I understand,” he said. “And in the spirit of keeping the rest of our conversation away from them, would you do me the honour of accompanying me on a walk through the castle grounds? I owe you an explanation. For everything.”
Lydia regarded him with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension. Michael expected her to change her mind, deciding that her anger was too total for her to listen to him after all. But after a moment, she nodded her assent.
“Very well, Michael,” she said. “I shall walk with you. But we must make it quick. I must return to the school to help Miss Carrick.”
Michael nodded. He knew that the school needed her as it prepared to open to the public. And he intended to be there standing by her side as her husband when it did. He just prayed that he could get her to forgive him. He offered her his arm, which she reluctantly and tensely accepted. His heart sank. He couldn’t help wondering if it wasn’t already too late to show her how he felt about her.
As they began their stroll, Michael struggled to find the words to express his remorse and newfound devotion. The gravel crunched beneath their feet, the only sound punctuating the silence between them. The path led them through a lush garden, its blooms giving way to the vibrant hues of spring. It was a day that would deserve a marriage proposal if he and Lydia weren’t already married. But perhaps, he had something to offer her that was just as beautiful as a wedding proposal.
“Lydia,” he began, his voice shaking slightly. “I cannot begin to tell you how much I regret my actions that led to our current situation. I was a fool – a selfish fool – and I didn't know any better. When I first sought your hand in marriage, it was for all the wrong reasons.”
Lydia stopped and looked at him, her eyes searching for the sincerity in his words.
“And what reasons were those, Michael?” she asked. “Can you say them to my face now?”
He hesitated before continuing. Not because he suddenly didn’t want to make things right with his wife. But his shame was great, and he found himself choking on his words. But he forced himself to swallow his pride. He didn’t want to hurt Lydia even more by saying the words aloud. But she deserved to hear it if that was what she wanted. And he deserved to have to face what he had done.
“I must confess, my original intentions were far from noble,” he said. “I saw you as a means to an end, to help me acquire that priceless vase I so coveted.”
Lydia nodded slowly. Michael could see that she was biting the inside of her cheek. She wasn’t looking at him, but he guessed that she was trying not to cry. That broke his heart even further, and he reached out to comfort her. But she pulled away, glancing up at him just long enough to shake her head.
“And it didn’t occur to you that I am a human being?” she asked. “You didn’t think that I might want something more for my life?”
Michael sighed.
“I know, it was a terrible thing to do,” he said. “No one should ever do that to any other person. I know that now. But I didn't know you then, Lydia. I didn't know the depth of your kindness, your intelligence, and the love that you held within you. All I knew was the pursuit of dusty old artifacts.”
Lydia took a shuddering breath, wrapping her arms around herself.
“Did you not think that if you were just honest with me about the whole situation, I might still decide to marry you?” she asked. “Perhaps, I wouldn’t have been happy to be traded in such a way. But I am not insensitive to the face that my father needed to use an object to serve as my dowry. And we were already put into an arranged marriage in the first place. But at least then, I wouldn’t have been under all these false pretenses.”
Michael dropped his head and nodded, momentarily speechless as he choked back his own tears. He knew Lydia was right. He could have told her the truth, as he had realized the night before. He had plenty of chances. But he had been so afraid that she would call off the marriage that he couldn’t be a proper man and give her the opportunity.
“I did a terrible thing,” he agreed. “And I don’t know where to begin begging for your forgiveness. I would give anything if I could take it all back.”
Lydia finally looked up at him, and he saw clearly that she did have tears in her eyes.
“But that’s just the point,” she said. “You cannot. It is done. As is the damage it caused. I let myself believe that you were a good man, Michael. But you proved to me that I will never be anything more to you than something worth trading. And who’s to say that you wouldn’t trade me again if you ever found something else of value that called to you?”
Her words stabbed Michael’s heart. He knew that he would never do such a thing. She was his wife, and he loved her. But she didn’t know that yet. And she was well within her rights to ask him such a thing. He had done it once, after all, with the help of her father. He reached for her hand, but she pulled away from him again.
Michael's voice cracked as he continued.
“Lydia, I see the error of my ways now,” he said. “I've come to know you, and I could never do anything to hurt you ever again. It was shameful for me to do it, even before I knew you. But now that I do, there is no way that I could ever do something so heinous and horrible to you.”
Lydia studied him, her eyes still filled with doubt and hurt. It pained Michael to see the repercussions of what he had done. But that was another thing he deserved. It was the least he could do after putting those things in his wife’s heart, to see what it was doing to her.
“And how could I possibly know that?” she asked. “How do I know that you aren’t trying to get me to forgive you, just so you can do something even worse next time?”
Michael took a long, deep breath. This was his chance to show Lydia how sincere he was. It was his chance to confess his feelings for her.
“Because I've fallen in love with you, Lydia,” he said. “That vase, those artifacts – they mean nothing to me now. You are the treasure I've been seeking all along. I was too stupid to see it before we were married. But I see it now. And there is nothing in the world more precious and valuable to me than you.”
Lydia's eyes glistened with unshed tears as she listened to his heartfelt declaration. She opened her mouth as if to speak. But she closed it immediately, as though deciding the words she wished to speak were incorrect.
“Michael,” she breathed. “How do I know that you mean what you say? This whole thing has hurt me, to be sure. But I would be hurt far worse to learn that you were just saying this to accomplish another goal.”
Michael moved closer to her and gave her a pleading look.
