Page 33 of A Christmas Miracle for the Frosty Marquess
The biting cold outside was sharp and unforgiving. Yet Julian found it more comforting than the warmth of the fires inside his home. As Julian stepped into the winter night, the air offered a chance for his thoughts to form into shards of icy clarity. His mind was spinning, overwhelmed with pain, anger, and confusion. And though the cold was harsh, it granted him the merciless freedom of solitude, a space where the cacophony within could roar its loudest, leaving him to navigate through the mess of his tangled feelings.
Chapter Fifteen
Clara stared out the window at the receding figure of Julian as he strode hastily away, the tails of his dark coat billowing behind him in the afternoon breeze. Confusion churned in the pit of her stomach, forcing her to close her eyes and take a deep breath. One moment he had been standing beside her, inquiring intently about her work at the orphanage, and the next, he had vanished without so much as an explanation.
Could it be that she had mistaken his interest as genuine when it was merely polite, or worse, an affectation? No, that couldn’t be. For Clara remembered the intensity in his gaze, the way his eyes had met hers with an inexplicable earnestness.
Her mind drifted to years past, to simpler days when friendship bloomed between Julian and her. If she were to peel away the layers of etiquette, of social expectations, and of her own fears, she would find that a part of her still felt the crush she once had for Julian, which she had locked away like a precious jewel in a safe.
For all his remoteness, a fragment of Julian existed securely within the confines of her heart, as it had for years. She had never told Julian of her affections for him when they were young. Part of her had always wished she had. But now, as he disappeared, she couldn’t help feeling a bitter relief that she hadn’t.
“Forgive him, Clara,” Elizabeth, who had risen to join her at the window without her noticing, said gently. “This is a grim time of year for him. I imagine he’s just a bit overwhelmed.”
Clara turned to her friend, shaking her head, and offering a weak smile.
“I understand,” she said. It was partly true. She did understand that Julian was struggling with the holiday season. And with him mentioning his mother, she could guess that the biggest part of the reason was because he missed her so dearly. But her thoughts went back to what he had said, about her being kind like his mother. It wasn’t long after that that he had frozen up on her again and then run as though for his life. What she didn’t understand was how he could be so warm and friendly in one instant, as though they were once again old friends, and then acting like nothing at all had happened between them.
She voiced none of this to Elizabeth, however. Instead, she simply gave her friend a more genuine smile and shook her head.
“You mustn’t blame yourself,” she said. “I know that you have only been trying to help us bond as the family we are soon to be.” She paused to clear her throat as she choked on the words. “And I am sure that in time, Julian will see that, as well.”
Elizabeth nodded, and Clara noticed the annoyance in her eyes. It was one she recognized well, that of a sibling who was irritated with their sibling for doing something childish at an inopportune time. Fortunately, Mary joined them at the window, smiling wanly at them.
“I understand the holidays are a stressful time,” she said. “If the rest of you would like to leave, as well, Mother and I can finish up the baskets.”
Elizabeth and Clara both shook their heads firmly, but it was Elizabeth who spoke.
“Not at all, Mary,” she said. “If Clara, Amelia and William are still willing, we would be happy to stay.”
Amelia and William happily agreed. Clara, though having lost a bit of her heart for the activity, reluctantly nodded.
“We’d be delighted,” she said.
With her hesitant proclamation, everyone set back to their tasks. It didn’t take long for the previously merry atmosphere to return to the group. Elizabeth, Mary, and Hannah were fully engrossed in conversation with Amelia and William. Their enthusiastic words blended into a cheerful chorus that normally would have swept Clara up in its lively current. That afternoon, however, it all seemed distant and indistinct, as if she were hearing it from the other side of a thick pane of glass.
Her thoughts went back to the interaction with Julian earlier that morning. It made her head spin how quickly he went from being interested in her most cherished work to rushing out the door as though his tailcoat was on fire. She accepted part of Elizabeth’s explanation. But if that were all that was troubling him, why would he not keep a steady demeanor in her presence?
“Clara, you seem miles away,” Amelia observed, snapping Clara back to her present surroundings. “Is everything all right?”
Clara summoned a smile, its brightness belied by the confusion that clouded her eyes.
“Yes, yes, of course,” she said. “I was merely woolgathering.”
Her sister looked at her with sympathetic skepticism.
“Woolgathering or lost in the mysterious musings of Julian’s abrupt exit?” she asked.
Clara could not hold back a soft sigh.
“A little of both,” she said, carefully keeping her voice low. “One moment, Julian and I were having what I believed to be a meaningful discussion, and the next, he was gone. I confess, it has left me disoriented. But I do understand that he has been having a tough time lately. I just do not know what to make of it all.”
Amelia put an arm around her shoulders, putting her lips up to Clara’s ear.
“I know this must be a trying experience for you,” she said. “But there is a great deal of goodness in Julian. I believe that in time, he will begin to open up to you more.”
Clara blinked in confusion at her sister’s words.
“What makes you say there is goodness in him?” she asked.
