Page 38 of A Spinster's Unexpected Marriage
“Talk about what?” Lady Newton folded her arms across her chest but in the dim light, James caught the glimmer of tears in her eyes and his heart tore painfully. “What is it that must be said between the two of you that could not be spoken out in the open?”
Before James could answer, Lady Lamberton took a step closer to her, her head tilted in an almost coquettish fashion. “Do you really need to ask such a thing?” she asked, her words laced with irony. “Or is it that you cannot truly understand what a gentleman – a rogue, of course – might be doing standing in the shadows with a lady such as myself beside him?”
James closed his eyes, his whole body going suddenly cold.
“I thought…” Lady Newton trailed off, her voice fading to nothing as James opened his eyes to look back at her, seeing how she turned her head away. He knew what she meant by that. She had kissed him, had let a part of herself trust him only to now come upon him in the shadows with another young lady. A lady who had put her arms around his neck and refused to loose him. What could he say that would help Lady Newton to understand that he had not wanted this? What could he say that would encourage her to trust him?
“I – excuse me.” Martha turned on her heel and turned away quickly, leaving James open mouthed, words half on his lips, half held back as he tried to find something – anything – to say.
No words came.
“Well, Iamsorry that she saw that but I am sure that Lady Newton understands very well the sort of gentleman she is to marry.”
Without pausing for even a moment, Lady Lamberton had her arms back around his neck, only for a white hot anger to streak up James’ spine. It was not anger at her nor at her actions but rather at all that he had done in the past, all that had led up to this moment.Hewas the reason for this,hewas the reason why Lady Newton had now hurried away from him, no doubt distressed by what she had seen. If he had not given himself such liberties previously, if he had not been foolish enough to hope that he could continue on with his connection to Lady Lamberton once his engagement was at an end, then this would not have happened. Or even if he had recalled what it was that he had done so that he could then have written to Lady Lamberton and told her of his change of heart, then this entire situation might well have been avoided – but no, he had done none of that.
“Enough.” Grasping Lady Lamberton’s arms, he tugged them down as firmly as he dared, then stepped back. He caught the way Lady Lamberton’s eyes flared wide, her shock evident despite the shadows which surrounded her, but James only shook his head.
“I cannot continue on in this way,” he said, firmly. “Iwillnot.”
“I do not know what you mean.” Lady Lamberton put out her hands to him but James raised his palms out. “You said that once your engagement was at an end, we would resume our connection.”
“But my engagement isnotat an end,” James told her, aware there was a harsh tone to his voice but caring very little for it. “And now I have decided, Lady Lamberton, that it shall not be.”
Lady Lamberton’s swift intake of breath was obvious, her hand flying to her mouth in evident shock but James could not find anything within him to care about what she felt.
“I am sure that you will be very easily able to find another gentleman to come and take care of you,” he said, turning away from her. “But my own heart is now filled with another.”
“Can this truly be?”
The sob which Lady Lamberton choked out her words made James’ eyes close again, regret swelling up within him as he realised that he had not only injured Lady Newton but also Lady Lamberton. His shoulders rounding, he dropped his head and then turned slowly.
“I am sorry.”
Lady Lamberton said nothing, her hand falling to her side again though she did not look at him.
“I did not expect this,” James continued, knowing that this would mean very little to Lady Lamberton but finding himself needing to say it anyway. “I did not ever think that Lady Newton would warm my heart but she has done it. And now that I have recognised that, I find myself not only grateful for it but overwhelmed with an affection for her which I cannot turn away from. I do not want to injure her.”
“But you will injure me?” Lady Lamberton’s voice held a touch of anger now though there was still sadness ringing through her voice. “You will do this to me, who loved you at the first? I thought that you cared for me too, though I never asked for anything more than what we shared.”
There could be no answer to that and, recognising his selfishness, James dropped his head. He had not ever truly cared for Lady Lamberton but only for what she had been able to offer him. Could he say that to her? Could he truly cause her so much pain? With a scowl, James shook his head to himself, trying to find an answer which would not cause Lady Lamberton further pain. “Thank you for what you gave me,” he said slowly, finding a wave of shame crashing over him. “I am sorry that I have stepped back from you so swiftly and without explanation. I – I must go.”
Without another word, he turned around and hurried back through the gardens, caught with an urgent fear. Hehadto find Lady Newton, had to tell her the truth about what he felt and what Lady Lamberton meant to him now in the faint hope that she would believe him.
And if she did not, James could not imagine what his future would look like. It would certainly not be a happy one, he was sure of that. Not unless Lady Newton could find it in her heart to forgive him.
Chapter Twenty
“How are you feeling, my dear?”
Martha closed her eyes and sank back against the pillows all the more. “I am still rather fatigued, Mama.” She peeked out of one of her eyes, seeing her mother seating herself in a chair by the fireplace. “Has anyone come to call?”
Lady Hampshire shook her head. “No, they have heard that you became a little unwell last evening, of course, but I do not think anyone will come to call today. They will want to make sure that you are recovered before they do.” She smiled as she reached into her pocket and pulled something out. “You have received a few letters and notes, however. It is good to see that, is it not? Clearly there are those within thetonwho are still concerned for you.” A slight frown flickered across Lady Hampshire’s face. “I did think that your betrothed might come to call, though he did send you a note.”
“I am sure that he would have come if he felt willing,” Martha answered, pain slicing back through her again as she fought the urge to let all of her tears fall. “I will take the notes and read them if I might, Mama.”
“Of course, so long as you have the energy.” Her mother rose and set the notes at Martha’s hand. “Do you wish to have another tea tray?”
Martha nodded, hoping that her mother might leave her in peace for a few minutes to read and, much to her relief, her mother did just that. “I think I shall join you for dinner, Mama,” Martha called, just before Lady Hampshire quit the room. “I will be quite recovered then, I am sure.”
