Page 28 of A Spinster's Unexpected Marriage
“I am quite all right.” His voice seemed louder and darker in comparison to hers and James winced inwardly, dropping his arms to his sides. “I am just a little in my cups, that is all.”
“Oh.” Martha hesitated, then took another step towards him. “If you do not wish to be seen with me because you have intentions for another young lady, I would prefer that you were honest with me. It is not as though I do not know who you are or that your reputation is somehow hidden from me.”
For whatever reason, this suggestion sent hot fire right through James’ frame. It made him straighten, his whole body tightening as he reached out, grasping Martha’s hand. “I amnotwaiting for some other young lady,” he said, roughly, his eyes fixing to hers as he finally made out her features, seeing the way her eyes were wide as they looked back at him. “I have told you that I will appear to be committed to you and – ”
“Appearto be, yes,” Martha interrupted, with more tenacity than James had expected. “That is what I meant by my question. Here you are, in the dark of the gardens, making certain that very few people can see you and I wondered if it was for a purpose.”
James scowled darkly. “It is for no other purpose than to hide myself away from the other guests for a few moments,” he stated, his breathing coming a little more quickly now. “Does that content you?”
Lady Newton hesitated, then lifted her shoulders in a half shrug. “It shall have to,” she answered, making James’ anger burrow right down into his heart. “I shall leave you now.”
“No.” James’ gritted his teeth, his hand still on hers as she attempted to turn away. “No, I do not want you to go, not when you clearly do not believe that I am telling the truth.”
She did not tug her hand away but instead, moved nearer to him again. Her chin lifted, her eyes catching a flicker of light as she gazed up at him. “Why does it matter whether I believe you or not?”
The question was not something he could answer. There was no simple answer for him to give, no explanation that made any sense. He did not know why he wanted her to believe him, why he wanted her to trust what he said but that desire was within him, nonetheless.
“There is nothing here to concern you,” she said, when he did not answer. “Please, do not think that I am judging you. I – I merely wanted to know.”
James moved a fraction closer, looking down at her. “And why did you want to know? Why were you so desirous to know of my intentions?”
Martha’s eyes flickered. “Because,” she continued, her voice a little breathless now, “because I wanted to ascertain as to whether or not thetonwere truly going to believe all that we say to them about our connection. If you were here to meet another young lady, then it would be reasonable to believe that thetonmight then struggle to believe that, should they discover you.”
“Mmm.” Feeling his anger begin to fade, James wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her close to him, finding his desire beginning to grow, chasing away the last few tendrils of frustration. “I will not pretend, Lady Newton, that the connection between us forcing my abstinence from the things I enjoy has not been difficult. It has beenverytrying but mayhap you might be able to lessen that trial a little?”
He grinned when he heard her breath catch, delighting in the fact that she had not pushed herself away from him. He would not force her to remain here, of course, would not demand that she let him keep her wrapped in his arms, but for the moment she did not appear to be seeking even the smallest escape. James remained where he was for a moment and then began to lower his head, his breathing growing a little faster as he felt her soften against him, her hand no longer gripping his tightly.
His mouth was an inch from hers, a heavy longing beginning to burrow through him when she let out the smallest, briefest breath.
“No.”
James halted, his ragged breathing uneven, his blood thundering through his veins, his heart filled with a desire which screamed at him to take what he so desperately wanted. “No?”
Martha stepped back from him and James, unwilling to keep her captured, let his hand fall from her waist though she did not immediately pull her hand from his.
She shook her head. “No, Lord Granton.” With a small sigh, she looked back at him, her expression steady. “I will not be another plaything for you, I am afraid. I am sorry that you find this situation so very difficult, that you are without the usualdistractionsthat you so very much enjoy but I will not let you use me to satisfy that.” With another breath, she took her hand from his. “I will only ever let a gentleman who cares for me pursue me with such intentions, Lord Granton, and I am very well aware thatyouare not that sort of gentleman.”
“I – I do care for you,” he found himself saying, only for Lady Newton to laugh brokenly.
“Your pretty words will not capture me, I am afraid, as much as you may wish for them to do so. I am not at all inclined to believe you, though I am sure you can understand why that may be.” Turning around, she began to make her way back to the others, leaving James to stand alone. “I do hope you will come to join me soon, Lord Granton, for we must make certain that thetontrust the picture we are painting for them, must we not?”
Her words echoed back towards him but James said nothing in response, finding himself stunned by the words which had just escaped from his mouth. He had told Lady Newton that he cared for her and though she had laughed at him, though she had chosen not to believe him, James found that those words came from a place deep within his heart and, therefore, were quite true.
I care for her?
Breathing hard, James pushed one hand through his hair, fighting for clarity. He could not have any sort of feeling for Lady Newton, could he? That would be preposterous, for that was the very thing that he had promised himself he would not feel. In believing that this was only a desire for a physical connection, he had pushed all other thoughts and suggestions aside, leaving him with only the shallow, meaningless desire.
But what now if it was something more? Something that he had never once permitted himself to evenconsider? What if there was now a true consideration of her, a genuine swirl of affection that threatened to grow even bigger should he permit himself to accept it?
But I do not want to feel anything!With a loud groan, James squeezed his eyes closed and curled his hands into tight fists, panic beginning to overwhelm him. This was not what he wanted and this was certainly not the sort of thing he had ever felt before. He wanted it gone, wanted it to be removed from himself and, as he considered, James shook his head and set his jaw. That was what he would do – what hehadto do. Hehadto get rid of whatever it was that had forced those words of care and consideration from his lips. It would be ripped apart, burned up and thrown away so he could return to the life he had enjoyed for so long.
Nothing was going to keep him from that.
Chapter Sixteen
He almost kissed me.
Martha shivered lightly as she recalled the moment that the Marquess of Granton had leaned down so close to her that she had felt her knees go weak. The nearness of him had been overwhelming and, worse than that, she had found herself wanting him to do so. It had been a most distressing realisation and, even now, Martha wished desperately that she felt nothing for Lord Granton. She wished that, as he had come closer to her, she would have been able to step back from him, would have turned her head away rather than gazing up into his eyes and wanting nothing more than to be closer to him than she had ever been before.
