Page 32 of An Arranged Betrothal with a Beast
Captain Harrington’s smile twisted into a dark, heavy frown. “You are a foolish man, Crestwood.”
Rather surprised, Arthur looked across at his friend. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that you are a fool,” came the reply. “Here is a young lady who seeks to know you better, to grow in intimacy with you and your only response is to draw even further back? You tell yourself you cannot trust her words all becauseanotherlady broke your heart and in doing so, you punish both yourselfandMiss Townsend – and that is hardly fair!” With a grunt of frustration, Captain Harrington turned on his heel and stomped across the room, back towards the door. “And you say that you do not deserve her – then in that regard, I might agree with you! You are so determined to keep her back from you that you do not deserve the happiness that might be yours! The happiness you mightsharewith her! Do you know how many gentlemen and how many ladies would wish for such a joy as you have been offered at this moment? Do you understand how much of a fool you are for hauling yourself as far from it as you can? I do not think you do, my friend, else you would be hurrying to Miss Townsend’s side and apologising for whatever you did last evening that upset her. Now do gain some courage and come to breakfast. Look Miss Townsend in the eye and consider what happiness you can bring toherfuture rather than thinking only of yourself.”
With that, he walked from the room and slammed the door shut behind him.
Arthur could barely breathe. His friend had never once spoken to him in such a way and the shock of it reverberated right through him. It stole the air from his lungs, sent heat writhing through his veins and try as he might, he could not help but feel a hot, heavy wave of shame begin to pour down over him. Was this what he had needed to hear? His mother, sister and the Captain had always been sympathetic in their support of him, though in the last few months, there had come a little more sternness from his mother, though Isabella remained as sweet as ever. Now Captain Harrington was sending sharp daggers in his direction… but was it something he deserved? Had he become so lost in himself that it was much too easy for him to not eventhinkof what Miss Townsend might require or even desire from him?
Turning back, he looked out of the window again, only to see none other than the very young lady he had been thinking of walking throughthe grounds. Was she returning from an early morning walk? Or was she thinking about stepping out before breakfast?
“I should not hide myself from her,” he muttered aloud, absently rubbing at one side of his face as he considered joining her. His fingers touched at his scars and he frowned, worry rising up within him.
And then he recalled howshehad settled her hand against his cheek. How she had smiled at him as her fingers had felt the very same scars he now traced. Miss Townsend had not jerked back. She had not yanked her hand away and then stared at him, horrified. Instead, she had simply smiled – and he had caught her palm with a kiss before she pulled it away. In that moment, he had felt himself soften towards her, felt his heart yearn for something more, something profound and thereafter, had let that desire grow so strong, he had been able to do nothing other than kiss her.
I cannot hide from that now,he told himself silently, making his way across the room even though his heart beat furiously.I must face it. I must speak with her.Wincing inwardly, he recalled how he had stepped away from her, how he had pulled away so quickly when his heart had cried out for the sheer joy he was experiencing in that one, soft kiss. It had been a feeling most unexpected and something he was entirely unused to – and it had terrified him. Pulling back, pulling away had been the only thing he had been able to do, whilst calling himself a fool at the very same time. Making his way to the front door of the house, Arthur found himself wondering if that had been Miss Townsend’s very first experience of a kiss… and if it was, then what a dreadful experience it must have been for her! To have her so enveloped, so tight in his arms only to be released, to be almost thrown backwards as he called himself a fool repeatedly must have torn her with both confusion and upset – and then he had quit the room afterwards! He had walked out without saying another word to her.
Arthur’s shame grew with every step he took and he lowered his head, feeling the heavy weight of Captain Harrington’s words on his shoulders. Hehadonly been thinking of himself but to admit that, to find a new way to consider things meant considering everything differently, and Arthur was not quite sure how to begin.
“Lord Crestwood, good morning.”
Lifting his head, Arthur swallowed hard as Miss Townsend walked towards him. The morning sun danced across her brown hair, sending flickers of gold and copper into every strand and her green eyes were more vivid than he had ever seen them. There was faint color in her cheeks though Arthur did not know whether that came from the morning air or from being in his company.
“Good morning, Miss Townsend. I saw you out walking and thought to join you.”
Her eyebrows lifted. “You did?”
“I – I think we must discuss last evening.”
Her color heightened. “What is it that you wish to discuss, Lord Crestwood? We shared a kiss. I do not think there is anything too profound in that.”
The tension in his throat clawed at him. “I would agree with you. However, I – ”
“I am surprised at your agreement, given that you tore yourself from me, told me that you were foolish to have kissed me – me, who is to be your bride – and then walked from the room without so much as another glance in my direction.” Her chin quivered and Arthur’s heart tore at the sight of gentle tears in her eyes. “I do not understand what took place within you, Crestwood. I am aware that you were a little… overcome with brandy but you were still in your senses. You understood what I was saying and I understood you. For the first time, I felt as though our connection was growing, strengthening. But then you broke it apart, shattering it completely when you discarded me.”
“I understand that you are pained by my actions. I do not quite know how to explain myself but I should like to tell you that I am sorry.” Arthur inclined his head but did not reach out to take her hand, though his heart urged him to do so. “I should not have kissed you.”
“No, youshouldhave done!” Her loud exclamation surprised him though sparkling tears fell from her eyes to her cheeks. “We are to be wed, Crestwood! I am to be your wife and I am to bear your children, should we be blessed with any. How can you tell me that you ought not to have kissed me? Do you not understand the suffering that comes with your disregard of me? Can you not see the pain and tears at my very soul when you call yourself a fool for kissing me?”
Arthur closed his eyes and reaching out, waited for her to take his hands. There came nothing but silence for some minutes and he did not yet open his eyes, finding the tears on her cheeks and the sadness in her eyes almost too much to bear. When, finally, her fingers touched his, he let out a ragged breath of relief, and finally looked at her again.
“I have not only had Captain Harrington rail at me but now I have you also,” he said, with something of a wry smile. “But I deserve it, Abigail. I know that I do.” Letting out another breath, he shook his head, relieved that her tears had stopped. “There is so much confusion within my heart and mind, so much doubt and uncertainty and none of it ought to be placed upon your shoulders. I told myself that our engagement ought to be just as a business transaction for I did not expect – and did not want – to be drawn to you. I have been fighting it. When you spokeup for me at the ball, when you broke down Lady Templeton’s intentions of joining us at the house party, my admiration was unable to be withheld. Our dance brought feelings to the fore that I wanted to remove from myself at once, for fear that my heart would be injured again.”
“Because of Lady Clara.”
Arthur nodded. “I have much to learn, Abigail. I am sorry that I injured your heart. I am sorry that I called myself a fool and removed myself from you so abruptly.” With a deep breath, he squeezed her fingers. “Might you give me time to find my way? This is not something I think I can step back from any longer. I cannot continue to build this wall up between us but I need time to understand how to take it down, piece by piece.” Searching her face, he let hope begin to build in his heart as her expression softened, a small smile at her lips. “Could you give me that, Abigail?”
“Of course I can.” The pressure on his hands was returned as yet another tear fell to her cheek, though she brushed it away quickly enough. “I am sure that –”
The sound of a rumbling carriage had them both turning as one, though Arthur found himself more than a little irritated at the interruption. Confused as to who would have taken the carriage out so early in the morning, he led Miss Townsend away the path so they would not be knocked over by the carriage.
“Who is it?” she asked, as the carriage passed them and then came to a slow stop at the steps to the front door. “Were you expecting more guests?”
“No, not as yet. The ball is not until this evening and – ”
“Oh, Lord Crestwood, how glad I am to see you!”
The loud voice of Lady Templeton ran out towards them both and Arthur frowned immediately, offering his arm to Miss Townsend so she might take it before they moved forward together. “The ball is not until this evening, Lady Templeton. Might you have mistaken the time?”
