Page 23 of A Brooding Christmas Promise
“But you are not going to marry him,” Amelia protested, as Charlotte shook her head again. “That is not going to happen and you are both well aware of that. “
“The only benefit is to him,” Charlotte protested, throwing up her hands and trying to ignore the flicker of delight within her heart. “He wishes to announce himself engaged so that he can remove any and all attention from thetonas regards his own situationandso that Lady Grifford will not attempt to pull herself close to him again. Though I do not know why he simply cannot state that directly. He does not needmeto pretend to be his betrothed in order to make it clear to her that he has no interest in attaching himself to her again.”
Her sister smiled softly. “It must have been just as he said, I think. He was shocked, panicked and confused and hearing her speak of her husband’s passing would only have heightened that further. So, yes he did notneedto use you in that way but it was all his mind went to in the height of his upset.”
Charlotte let out a sigh and sat down heavily opposite her sister, spreading out her hands. “Do not think that I do not feel any sympathy for him, my dear sister. I feel a great deal. Indeed, I cannot imagine what it must be for him to know that she has returned after all he has endured.”
“And after the years of solitude thereafter,” Amelia told her, making Charlotte’s heart twist. “The gentleman has only just returned to London! This is his very first foray into society for many years and now, to find, not only, that she has returned but mayhap also seeking to reconnect with him must be very difficult indeed.”
Coupling her hands in her lap, Charlotte let out another long, slow breath and then shook her head. “It must be, yes.” Her heart squeezed again and she shook her head, but this time, it was to herself, to the sense of compassion which seemed determined to make its way to her heart and mind, settling there. “I do not want to pretend to be betrothed, Amelia,” she said, though without as much firmness as before. “You know what I have determined. To step away from that –”
“But you would not be!” Amelia cried, throwing up her hands. “Charlotte, I do not mean to be at all irritating, but this is an experience that you shall never have otherwise! To have a gentleman’s sole attention, to be taken to the floor to dance in his arms, to have a closeness of connection, that is something that you will never experience otherwise.”
A slight tremor ran through Charlotte’s frame as she took a deep breath, trying not to allow the desire to pursue that breakthrough. “You are quite right, Amelia, but even if I were to accept, even if I was to pretend to be engaged, those experiences would be nothing but false, would they not? There would be no truth to our connection, no real happiness between us.”
“It would be something to enjoy all the same.”
Charlotte bit her lip, aware that the desire to experience what it would be like to be an engaged lady in the eyes of thetonwas beginning to push through into her heart. “And then when I made to step back? What then? What if…” Her eyes closed. “What if I let myself feel things I ought not to?”
Amelia’s expression altered in a moment. “You fear that you might fall in love with him?”
“It is a possibility,” Charlotte had to admit, her chest tightening for a moment. “I cannot pretend it is not.”
“Then,” Amelia countered quickly, “if you see such a thing happening, then you would have no other choice but to end the betrothal at that very moment, breaking apart your connection and assuring yourself that nothing more will happen. In addition, however, I think that you are much too sensible to permit such a thing. I am sure that you will guard your heart well.”
Charlotte considered this, looking away from her sister. She had been so determinednotto accept Lord Crestwood’s request but now, for whatever reason, she was beginning to consider it. “I would have to write to Lady Barcsay.”
Her sister blinked, then frowned. “For what purpose?”
“To inform her that this engagement, should she hear of it, is nothing that she needs to be concerned about,” Charlotte stated. “I do not want her to think that there is anything wrong nor do I want her to believe that I have stepped away from the commitment I have made.”
Amelia’s eyebrows lifted. “Goodness, Charlotte, you have a kinder heart than I! I would have done nothing of the sort, were I in your shoes. Instead, I would be quite determined that even if she should hear of it, I would give her no explanation whatsoever and let her stew in her discontent and confusion for a time – almost a recompense for how she has treated us.”
“That thought did cross my mind,” Charlotte admitted, wincing. “Do not think me as overwhelmingly good… and certainly do not when you hear that I have no intention of speaking to Lady Foster about it!"
At this, her sister began to giggle and, in a few minutes, the room was filled with the sound. Charlotte put one hand over hermouth, seeing her sister’s eyes dancing as she laughed. Soon, nothing but mirth filled them both and all thought of concern or worry over this potential engagement disappeared.
“Goodness, can you imagine the upset this will cause her?” Amelia asked, when she finally managed to catch her breath. “Are you quite certain that you will go ahead with this, then?”
Charlotte’s smile began to fade away. “I do not want to but I must admit that there is compassion within me for all that Lord Crestwood has endured. Besides he does appear to be an excellent gentleman who has been willing to come tomyaid with Lady Foster and thus, I suppose that I can agree to his idea for a time.” Her sister clapped her hands together in evident excitement but Charlotte held up one hand to silence it. “I am not to hear any words from you as regards this, however, do you understand? I do not want you to think for a moment that anything might come of this. I do not want you to expect that I might turn around and change my mind, simply because I am pretending to be betrothed to Lord Crestwood. He knows my intentions and I know his. Neither of us want to pursue matrimony so, therefore, neither of us shall.”
Amelia’s expression grew serious. “Of course. I understand.”
“And I am going now to write to our stepmother to explain,” Charlotte continued, rising from her chair. “And, mayhap to our brother also!”
“Yes, write to our brother and ask him also to make certain that our stepmother’s letters to her sister – or to anyone else in London – are held until you return home.”
A little confused, Charlotte looked back at her sister. “Why?”
“So that she will not think to reveal the truth to thetonand embarrass you with it,” Amelia explained. “Now, I will not disturb you further. I think you have made a good decision, Charlotte.”
With her hand on the door handle, Charlotte ignored the way her heart leapt about, demanding that she feel some sort of excitement at her pretend betrothal. “I do hope so,” was all she said, before stepping out of the room.
***
“I will agree.”
Charlotte could not help but smile as astonishment rippled across Lord Crestwood’s face.
