Page 33 of A Brooding Christmas Promise
“An interest?” A streak of fire ran up Samuel’s spine. “I – I would not say… that is to say, I cannot be – ”
At this, Lord Trenton began to chuckle, shaking his head as though Samuel had caused him a great deal of mirth. “Goodness, my friend! You are not about to tell me that you care nothing for the lady, are you?”
“Will you keep your voice low, please?” Samuel hissed, coming a little closer to Lord Trenton. “There are so many guests here that – ”
“Guests who all believe you betrothed to the lady,” his friend interrupted, his smile lingering. “One begins to wonder if you might now be thinking that this engagement could very well continue?”
Samuel blinked furiously, attempting to shake his head and state that no, he had no such thoughts, only for the truth to hit him right between the eyes.
He did not want to separate himself from the lady.
I cannot want such a thing.Pinching the bridge of his nose, he squeezed his eyes closed tightly.I cannot! I have always toldmyself that I would not consider matrimony with any sort of seriousness until I had no other choice but to do so.
“That is no bad thing,” Lord Trenton continued, as though he knew Samuel’s thoughts. “To find yourself drawn to the lady is an excellent outcome, I must say!”
“Excellent?” Samuel repeated, his voice a little hoarse. “I do not think it can be. I have told myself that there is no possibility of igniting affection within my heart again, not after all I have endured.”
“But surely you can see that Miss Millerton is entirely different from the previous,” Lord Trenton said, speaking quietly now, his eyes searching Samuel’s face. “Come now, I – ”
“Do you wish to play cards?” Samuel gestured to the table ahead of them both. “That is what I have come for, nothing more.”
His friend frowned, a heaviness settling over his expression. “I do not mean to upset you, Crestwood. I only wish to encourage you, in fact.”
Encourage me towards her? It is not as though I need such encouragement.The thoughts began to throw themselves into Samuel’s mind and he winced, attempting to consider each one. “There is much I must think on, Trenton, that is all.”
“I see.” Lord Trenton, clearly understanding, made his way to the table. “Then yes, I shall enjoy a game of cards with you though I do hope that you will not ignore all that you have been thinking of and set it aside in the belief that you will be able to forget it. You have a chance of happiness here, my friend, and I would not want you to miss it.”
Samuel nodded but said nothing, sitting down so he might concentrate on cards rather on what that brief kiss with Miss Millerton had done to his heart. And yet, all the same, the desire to pull himself closer to her, to continue on with their increasingintimacy grew all the stronger so that even when he looked at the cards in his hand, all he saw was her face.
***
“Good afternoon, Lady Grifford.”
Samuel bowed and then straightened, lifting his chin as he looked back at Lady Grifford who had risen from her chair at once and taken a few steps towards him.
“I have come to call as you have asked,” Samuel continued, disliking every moment that he spent in her company. After last evening’s confusion, he had taken himself to his bedchamber and slept fitfully, tossing and turning as he battled all manner of thoughts. One of those thoughts had, unfortunately, been of Lady Grifford and of his promise to her – and how much he did not desire to call upon her. However, he was a man of his word and thus, he now found himself standing in her drawing room, hoping that the conversation would not last more than a few minutes.
“Youdidcome to call, as you said.” Lady Grifford’s eyes were flooded with tears as she gazed at him, never once lifting her gaze from his. “You cannot know how grateful I am for your presence.”
Samuel cleared his throat, looking away from her. “Whatever it is you wish to say, Lady Grifford, I am ready to hear it.”
Evidently a little frustrated, Lady Grifford cast her eyes up to the ceiling for a moment before shaking her head. When she looked back at him, there was a slight tightness to her jaw which Samuel had never noticed before.
“Must you be so formal?” A hint of annoyance ran through her voice. “We were so very close and –”
“Yes, I think we must be,” Samuel interrupted, again refusing to permit her to have any hint that what they had onceshared would bring out a tenderness within him. “Now, what was it you wished to say to me?”
Lady Grifford blinked rapidly though, much to Samuel’s relief, no tears fell. “Will you not sit? I have called for a tea tray to be brought, though there is some very fine French brandy in the corner if you wish?” She smiled briefly. “I know that you have always been partial to it.”
Samuel cleared his throat. “I do not wish for brandy at this moment, nor even for tea.” Seeing the flicker of hurt across her expression, he went to sit down, having no intention of being harsh but certainly firm. “The only thing I want, Lady Grifford, is to listen to whatever it is that you wish to say to me. Thereafter, I shall take my leave.”
“That is all you will do?” Lady Grifford sat down directly beside him, making Samuel distinctly uncomfortable. “Surely, you will have something to say also? You will have a good many things to tell me about how I have influenced you, yes? How you have been upset by all that I have done?”
Samuel shook his head. “There is nothing that I wish to say to you. There may have been, at one time, but not at the present moment. I have thought for too long about all that took place and ruminated endlessly. That has now come to an end and, thus, I have no interest in expressing anything to you.”
She closed her eyes. “Then I shall speak,” she said, a little more quietly. “Given that I was the one who caused you a great deal of injury, it is only right for me to not only apologise but to practically throw myself at your feet by way of an apology! I would do that if you wished it, for I know that I must have caused you a great deal of pain.”
Samuel looked back at her steadily. “Yes, you did, but there is no need to labor over the past, Lady Grifford. It is all at an end now.”
