Page 39 of A Brooding Christmas Promise
“As did I.” Again, that rueful smile tipped her lips. “My sister and I saw them unexpectedly in a shop, and they both purchased masks. Yours is the only masquerade ball for some time, I think.”
“And one can step into a masquerade ball without too much difficulty, I suppose,” Samuel murmured, rubbing one hand over his forehead. “If I find them, then – ”
“Do not feel you must push them away from me for my sake,” she interrupted, astonishing Samuel. “I have some things that I wish to say to her, to ask her… and this evening might be the very best opportunity.”
Samuel held her gaze steadily, seeing her smile but also the glint in her eyes which spoke of determination. “Very well,” he said, slowly. “So long as you are certain.”
She nodded. “I am. Though now I should step away and leave you to the other guests who, I am sure, are looking forward to your company!”
“I would rather spend this entire evening inyourcompany and your company alone.”
The words left his mouth before Samuel could stop them but as he saw the gentle smile spread across Miss Millerton’s face, Samuel did not feel a single ounce of regret in speaking so. He was glad he had spoken of his heart, although it was not entirely all that he had wanted to say as he recognized it was not the right time to do so.
“But alas, I see that the other guests are still looking to you,” she murmured, taking his hand in her own for just a moment, pressing his fingers. “Mayhap we might dance later?”
He nodded fervently. “Yes, indeed.”
“Might I ask if there is a mistletoe bough there?”
Samuel’s heart ricocheted around his chest as she gazed back at him, her color still heightened but his gaze steady. “Yes, there is. Why do you ask?”
She dropped her gaze. “Because I do not want you to feel as though you must dance with me under it. After the last time, I believe… I believe you were a little uncertain and I do not want there to be any strain between us.”
Samuel acted before he could even think about what to do. He closed the distance between them, his arm about her waist, his eyes searching hers. It was a masquerade so they might not easily be recognized but even if they were, he did not care. “I was uncertain,” he admitted, his voice quiet but firm. “But I am no longer. My dear Charlotte, there is much that I wish to say but now is not the time for such things.”
Her eyes flickered but the smile on her lips made his heart sing, an expectation of happiness and joy filling him.
“I understand,” she murmured, quietly. “Then I look forward to speaking with you – and dancing with you – later this evening, Lord Crestwood. More than I can say.”
***
“Lord Crestwood, good evening. What an excellent ball this has been.”
Samuel stiffened instantly, turning to face Lady Grifford. She wore a mask but he recognized her voice at once and, as he looked into her eyes, warning began to ring around his mind. The terrace was practically empty and he did not want to be seen alone here with her, especially not this evening.
“Lady Grifford.” He inclined his head. “I stepped out for a breath of air but I should return to my other guests. Do excuse me.”
“Wait a moment, if you please.” Lady Grifford put one hand to his arm, catching him and pulling him back. “Do you recall the last time we stood on a terrace in this way?”
Samuel flinched visibly. “I do not wish to be reminded of that time, Lady Grifford and, quite frankly, I cannot understand why you would wish to think of it either.”
She smiled but there was a sadness in her eyes which Samuel could not avoid noticing. It etched itself into her expression, into the way that she lowered her head, into her sigh, into the heaviness which dropped into her shoulders. Sympathy began to rise within him but Samuel pushed it away. What she had done had been her own choice and though he was sorry that Lord Grifford had treated her poorly, he did not need to do or express anything further to her.
“I often think of what I did, of what I said and how much I must have injured you,” she answered him, her voice so soft, he had to strain to hear it. “At times, I daydream about the future I might have had, the joy which could have been ours, had I chosen differently.”
“And while that is true, there is no need to consider such things any longer,” Samuel replied, keeping his tone firm. The last thing he wanted was for Lady Grifford to think that he too often thought of such things. “I myself have, after some time in darkness and shadow, chosen to step forward in my life and now, I am certain I shall have happiness again.”
“With Miss Millerton?” Lady Grifford’s eyes flashed with something akin to anger, something which surprised Samuel. “Come now, you cannot believe that you will be happy with someone that you do not care for!”
Samuel’s jaw tightened. “And what makes you think that I do not care for her?”
“Because I overheard you, if you recall. I heard you say – ”
“I was lying.”
The words he spoke broke through Lady Grifford’s words and he saw her tense, color draining from her face, the light in her eyes seeming to dim just a little.
“I was lying,” he said again, though this time a little more gently. “I feigned pretence when I spoke to Lord Trenton, pretending to him that I did not feel anything for the lady and that I could not truly understand what it was he spoke to me about. That, however, was nothing short of a lie and my friend knew it!” With a slightly wry smile, he shook his head and spread out his hands. “I lied to myself also, I confess it. I did not want to admit what I felt, solely because I had promised myself I would never permit myself to do so again.” Seeing the glimmer of tears in her eyes, Samuel pressed his lips together for a moment, thinking of what he wanted to say but in what way it would be best to say it. He did not want to injure her but he also wanted to be entirely clear. “I do not think of what might have been, Lady Grifford. I think of what I now have and how happy I am in that. I hope you understand.”
