Page 42 of The Duke's Reluctant Muse
Jonathan’s heart tore as he realized just how much he had injured her in stepping back from her in the way he had. He let his eyes close for a moment, taking in a long breath as he felt the regret of his actions stab at him. “I am sorry, Elizabeth, for not trusting that your view of me was as you have just said. We have shared such a close connection these last few weeks and I should have thought about that rather than focusing on my own mortification.”
“Yes, you should have.”
Jonathan looked up at her, seeing her smiling gently.
“But you have come back to me now.”
“Not in the way that I wanted,” he confessed, pressing her hands gently. “Elizabeth, I wanted to speak to you in private, to tell you of my regret and to offer you my apologies – and to tell you that I want nothing more than to have you by my side, always.” It was not the most delicate, nor the most flowery way of speaking when professing one’s heart but it was all that Jonathan could do, wanting her now to see just how much he cared for her. “I meant to speak to your brother about my feelings and my intentions towards you, but I was interrupted and then did not pursue another opportunity. My heart has nothing but you within it, Elizabeth, and even though I have fought against my feelings, even though I have been confused and uncertain about them, I have come now to a place of clarity where all I can see is you and the love I have for you. A love that is ever growing, that is steady and determined, a love that wishes to hold you tightly and keep you beside me for all the days of my life.”
His heart began to hammer hard in his chest as he looked deeply into her eyes, praying and hoping that all the pain andtrouble and confusion would meld together to create something beautiful.
“Oh, Nottingham.” Eventually, Elizabeth let out a breath and with it, a smile that began to spread right across her face. “You must know how deeply I care for you.”
Jonathan’s whole body started with nothing more than sheer relief. “You do?”
“I have been confounded – just as you have been – with all that I feel but yes, I am quite certain that all that I feel at present is nothing other than love.”
A slight dizziness took a hold of him as he looked into her eyes, seeing them gentle as though she knew exactly what it was he was feeling. This was not the way he had wanted to have this conversation but all the same, the outcome had been one that brought him nothing but joy.
“You love me, Elizabeth?” he asked, still hardly daring to believe it. “Even though I have such a heavy cloud weighing upon me still?”
“A cloud that is not of your making,” she said, firmly. “You have done nothing but care for your sister, have you not? You were willing to deal with the difficulties that followed simply because of your concern and care for her. That speaks of your character, that tells me that you are a gentleman of honour, who is willing to sacrifice his own standing for the sake of another. You have had a long, difficult battle but I hope that now, it is over and you might find yourself calm and contented at long last.”
Filled with a rush of affection for her, Jonathan took both of her hands in his own two, leaning a little closer to her, the desire to kiss her growing ever stronger. “It is only because of you that I have found such happiness,” he said, softly. “You guided me through your letters and through your presence. It is because of your unwavering encouragement and understandingthat I found myself drawn to you, seeing more of your beauty in every moment of our time together. And now I want that time to continue on, so that we are never far from one another, that we might know the greatest intimacy a gentleman and lady could ever share.”
“I want that too.”
It was not Jonathan himself who closed the space between them but Elizabeth. She leaned into him, her chin lifting, her eyes closing and her lips finding his. Jonathan, a little startled, caught his breath as his whole body hummed with a sudden, fierce pleasure as he finally found the fulfillment of the steadily growing desire within him. With a heart that cried out with happiness, he wrapped his arms around her as best he could and let himself linger, tilting his head just a little so the kiss might deepen. More than ever,thiswas what he wanted. He wanted to belong to her, to have her as his wife so that he might prove his love to her with every passing day.
“Say you will marry me, Elizabeth.” Barely breaking the kiss, he whispered those words against her lips, his eyes open to search her face, his breathing a little ragged. “I know that I have already announced our betrothal but I must hear it from your lips. I must know that this is what you too desire.”
Her hand pulled from his, only to press against his cheek as she rested her forehead against his own, her eyes fluttering. “My dear Nottingham,” she whispered, as Jonathan’s heart sang for joy, “I accept your offer of marriage. I want nothing more than to be your wife. I love you so very much.”
Jonathan kissed her again, hardly able to believe that his years of trouble, pain and doubt had come to such a wonderful climax. There had been many a time when he had fought back against his own fears, when he had struggled to see even the smallest bit of light in the darkness which surrounded him – but now, all of that seemed worth it for it had brought him tothis moment. A moment where he held tight the lady he loved, knowing that she loved him in return.
Epilogue
Elizabeth felt herself burn with the awareness that every eye was upon her as she entered the church. Her brother had, only moments before, asked if she was quite ready to step into the church and make her way to the Duke and though she had said yes, though she hadmeantit, she had not expected this weight of awareness to come upon her.
Look straight ahead,she told herself.Look to him.
The last few weeks had been a little strange, though filled with happiness, delight and expectation at the very same time. Thetonhad still been whispering about the Duke and her, for Lady Ludlow’s words had been believed by some and thus, Elizabeth believed, some of the members of thebeau mondewere waiting to see if the match was one that truly brought any happiness. Or, mayhap, whether or not it really was going to take place! Elizabeth had tried her best not to care, losing herself in the stolen moments with the Duke, when she had been able to be held tightly in his arms, feel the gentle press of his lips against hers. It had awoken her love all the more and now, as she made her way towards him, her heart yearned for him all the more until everything else fell away.
There was a gentle sheen in his eyes which made Elizabeth smile, wishing desperately that she could take his hand and step close to him – but the time was not yet. Still with her hand on her brother’s arm, Elizabeth waited for the clergyman to begin, aware of the solemnity of the moment.
As the clergyman opened the book of Common Prayer, his expression one of solemnity which added to the weightiness of the moment. Elizabeth dared a glance at The Duke but he was looking away from her, his gaze trained upon the clergyman and with a serious expression on his face, clearly sensing the gravityof their situation just as she did. His eyes turned to hers for just a moment however, and the happiness which grew up within her crept to such great heights, it pushed the corners of her mouth up regardless. She had never imagined that she would find herself wed this Season, had never thought that the gentleman who had saved her from a difficult situation would soon become someone she loved with all of her heart!
The clergyman cleared his throat, looked first to the Duke, then to Elizabeth and then to her brother, who reached to pat Elizabeth’s hand.
Then, he began and Elizabeth’s heart quickened in her chest.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony, which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in the time of man's innocence, signifying unto us the mystical union that is between Christ and his Church. It is not to be taken on unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly, to satisfy men's carnal lusts but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God; duly considering the causes for which Matrimony was ordained.”
Elizabeth closed her eyes, taking in every single word and giving it the consideration it deserved. This was the time when she would become the Duke’s wife, bound to him as he would be to her. It was a beautiful moment and yet one that required her full attention.
“First,” the clergyman continued, “marriage was ordained for the procreation of children, to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and to the praise of his holy Name. Secondly, it was ordained for a remedy against sin and thirdly, it was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity. God Almighty, into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. Therefore if any man can show any justcause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his peace.”
Elizabeth glanced at her brother, who smiled at her with a twinkle in his eye, for they both knew full well that there was no-one there to protest. Beside her, the Duke shifted his feet, his eyes catching hers as he smiled, perhaps a little impatient for the ceremony to continue.
