Page 22 of The Penitent Duke
A heaviness draped itself over Lucian’s shoulders and he dropped his chin, fixing his gaze to the floor. “I cannot let it go. It is a part of me,though I think I understand what you mean when you speak of Lady Rosalind.” He dropped his head a little lower. “Truth be told, I had only thought of the practicalities. I require a wife; therefore, I must find one. Lady Rosalind would do very well, since she has no other great hopes of a match, given her situation with her brother. That is how I have put things to her.”
A slight flicker of mirth came into Lord Radcliffe’s eyes though Lucian, having only glanced at his friend, pulled his gaze away just as quickly. “I presume that she did not respond particularly well?”
Lucian sipped at his brandy before he replied, remembering the fierceness of Lady Rosalind’s demeanor. “She was astonished at my request, it seemed. Her father had informed her of it and permitted her to come and talk to me about it all, in lieu of him which, in turn, astonishedme.”
Lord Radcliffe’s lips quirked. “So you were both rather taken by surprise, yes? But I think it quite wise for Lord Fairmont to send his daughter in to speak with you. After all,sheis the one who will be marrying you. Though, given your grimace, I might imagine that you did not take as well to that as I might have done.”
A rueful chuckle left Lucian’s lips. “I did not make the best impression. I believe that I let my emotions catch me at one point and that was embarrassing indeed.”
“In what way?”
Lucian closed his eyes, sighing. “I told her that often, ladies did not listen to advice and went against what was best for them, so determined they are to follow their own path.”
“Oh.” Lord Radcliffe frowned. “You spoke of Lady Pearl in that moment, did you not?”
“Yes.” Lucian sighed and closed his eyes. “I did not mean it, of course. Not in the way that she accepted it, though I did tell her that I find her tenacity and firmness to be a fault in her character.” He watched as Lord Radcliffe’s eyebrows lifted, though his friend did not say a word. “Her response was to remind me of how much I do not match the requirements of a gentleman for any young lady. She certainly has spirit, Radcliffe. More than I had perhaps anticipated.”
Lord Radcliffe smiled but it was gentle, rather than mocking. “Did you think to step away from her, then?”
“I did, for a time, only to remind myself that I do not have any other choices, really. I want to remove from London, I want to return to my estate and yet, it is wise to consider matrimony before I do so – something that you have shown me. If I was to pull my offer of marriage away fromLady Rosalind, then I would have to go and seek out another suitable young lady and that might take me a good deal of time.”
“And then, once you had singled such a lady out, she might refuse. Or her father could refuse.”
“Precisely.”
“So you are to continue on with her, then?”
Lucian nodded slowly, realizing that Lord Radcliffe had given him a good many more things to think upon. “We are to take a fortnight. Rather,shewishes to take that time to consider things and we have agreed to spend a little more time together also, though quite what difference that will make, I do not know. She already knows who I am and I know her.”
“But not particularly well,” Lord Radcliffe pointed out. “Mayhap she is hopeful that there is another side to you, a kindness and consideration that she has not yet discovered.”
At this, Lucian harrumphed quietly, scowling.
“Do say that you will, at the very least,thinkon what I have said?” Lord Radcliffe asked, rising to his feet to go and fetch the brandy decanter. “You know that I seek only your happiness and, if she will accept you, Lady Rosalind’s also.”
“I have no need of happiness,” Lucian answered, his tone dull and gaze heavy as he looked back down at his empty glass. “Though I will think on what you have said as regards the lady herself.Thatis something worthy of thought, indeed.”
His friend smiled. “I am glad to hear it though, Strathmore, as you have heard me say before and as I shall say again, there is no need for you to continually cling to this sense of responsibility and the guilt that comes with it. It is not yours to bear.”
Lucian scowled, his heartbeat beginning to quicken. “If it is not mine to bear, then whose is it?”
Lord Radcliffe lifted his chin, his gaze steady. “Do you truly wish for me to say? Or is it that you already know the answer?”
The scowl on Lucian’s face grew even heavier as he looked back into Lord Radcliffe’s face and knew precisely what it was that his friend would say. He would say that it had been Lady Pearl’s own doing, that she had made the decision to come with Lucian, had made the decision to ride and had made the decision to take a slightly altered path from him. Yes, Lucian agreed silently, all of that was true but there was also the recognition that he, as her betrothed and as the Duke of Strathmore, could have been firmer, more determined and decisive… and if he had been, then Lady Pearl might now still be alive.
“It is a burden you have placed upon yourownshoulders,” Lord Radcliffe murmured, quietly. “A burden that you need not carry. You need to release it, Strathmore, if you are ever to have even the smallest semblance of contentment.”
Acknowledging this with just a nod, Lucian finished his brandy and then got to his feet, feeling as though the conversation with his friend was now becoming weightier – more than he had anticipated. He did not want to think about his past, did not want to consider his role in Lady Pearl’s death. Indeed, it was a burden that he had taken upon himself but Lucian was quite certain that he deserved to carry it.
“Thank you for your willingness to listen to me, despite my reluctance when it comes to apologising,” he said, as Lord Radcliffe too got to his feet. “I meant what I said. Iwilltake into consideration everything you have said, I assure you.”
“I am glad to hear it.” Lord Radcliffe set one hand on Lucian’s shoulder for a moment. “Mayhap we shall both find ourselves wed by the end of the Season. What a surprise that would be!”
Lucian tried to smile but his heart only twisted, recognizing that the happiness, the hope and the anticipation in Lord Radcliffe’s voice and expression was more than he himself felt when it came to the prospect of matrimony. For him, there was a heaviness, a frustration and a pulling back from the idea and, even though he knew it was the right thing to do as regarded his own responsibilities, he also knew that he was reluctant.
He had no choice though.
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