Page 31 of The Penitent Duke
She is not Lady Pearl. The accident was not her fault and she did not behave in any way inappropriately nor push her decision forward despite all warnings. You cannot treat her in such a way!
Scowling, Lucian rubbed one hand over his face as the carriage rolled forward to Lord Radcliffe’s townhouse. Indeed, he was well aware that there was a difference between Lady Rosalind and Lady Pearl but he could not agree with Lord Radcliffe about such a statement. Surely, he had spoken a little too boldly to Lady Rosalind and yet, his wordshadbeen too harsh and he had misjudged her in a way that he ought not to have done but that was not because he viewed her as though she was the very same as Lady Pearl.
Unless… I did. Unless I permitted fear to take a hold of me.
Lucian shook his head, trying to clear that thought.
“All is well,” he muttered to himself as the carriage rolled on. “I shall dance with Lady Rosalind this evening, provided she is well enough, and continue on from there.” A niggle of worry came to him as he thought, wondering now if he ought to apologise, if he ought to tell Lady Rosalind that he recognized he had been too harsh and regretted it. It was not something he had thought to do in a long time for he had, these last few months – if not years – found himself caring less and less for those around him, including Lord Radcliffe. Now, however, there was a concern that he ought to make amends with the lady, fearful that she had been upset by his actions. Lucian tried to tell himself that he did not care about her feelings or the like but the niggle only grew to the most distressing heights so that, as he walked into the ballroom, he could think of nothing but her.
“Your Grace.”
Lucian barely glanced at his host, nodding briefly. “Good evening. I must go in search of my betrothed, do excuse me.”
It was, of course, very rude of him indeed to make so little of his greeting but Lucian did not care. The urgency that pushed him to find Lady Rosalind was growing ever stronger until it felt as though it might break him apart – and that gave him pause. Stopping, he ran one hand over his eyes, then took in a long breath before standing tall again.
Why am I feeling so very much for this lady?
Swallowing against the fear which rose in his throat, Lucian continued to make his way around the room, his eyes searching for her. When he finally caught sight of her, such a joy reached up through him that it was as though the sun had shone, in all its brightness, right in the middle of the room, his heart clattering wildly as he hurried towards her.
“Lady Rosalind.”
He bowed, then reached out for her, only to snatch his hand back as he realized what he was doing. The smile he wore was pulled away, a frown replacing it as he saw her eyebrows lift, perhaps also a little surprised at his actions. Lord and Lady Fairmont melted away, perhaps eager now to leave Lucian and their daughter in conversation but, for whatever reason, Lucian could not find anything more to say.
“Your Grace.” Lady Rosalind’s words were clipped, her eyes a little narrowed. “You have finally come to see me, then?”
“I – I wanted to make certain you would recover and not crowd you with my presence.” It was a poor excuse and clearly not one that she believed, given the sharpness of her gaze. “I… I was aware that I had not left with a particularly good impression made, truth be told. Though I do hope you received my gifts and my notes.”
She lifted her chin. “I did. None of them, however, contained an apology and that, Strathmore, is what is most desired.”
It was the second time she had referred to him in such an intimate term and it still caught Lucian off guard. She was his betrothed but he had not expected her to speak to him in such a way so soon after their engagement.
“Ah.” When he did not answer, Lady Rosalind shook her head. “I see that you do not think that there is any requirement for you to apologise. That, I suppose, is something I should have come to expect.” At this, her gaze pulled away from him and she folded her arms over her chest. “All the same, I –”
“I am sorry for being brutish.”
The words left his mouth before Lucian could stop them, leaving him blinking in surprise at his own sudden – and genuine – desire to take her upset away. Slowly, Lady Rosalind turned her gaze back towards him and Lucian spread out his hands, stumbling over his words.
“I can see… that is to say, I did not mean to appear as harsh as I sounded, Rosalind. The words came from a place of concern, that is all.”
“Concern?” Lady Rosalind shook her head though her hands fell back to her sides. “I do not understand. What does concern have to do with berating me for taking a walk through the park with my maid? Something, I might add, that is perfectly acceptable for me to do and something for which I was already granted permission!”
Lucian swallowed tightly, the truth beginning to press down hard on his heart. Glancing this way and that, he then reached out and took Lady Rosalind’s hand, tugging her gently towards the side of the ballroom. His hands began to grow hot, his skin prickling as he turned to face her again, seeing the wideness of her eyes and the surprise lingering there.
He closed his eyes. Quite why he wanted to tell her the truth, he did not know, but the desire was there, nonetheless. Something about that accident had altered him in some way, a way that he could not clearly express, but it was there all the same. Was it a need to protect her now? To save her from the very same fate that had pursued Lady Pearl?
“What is it, Strathmore?”
Lady Rosalind’s voice was gentle now, a quietness there which had not been present before. Taking in a long, steady breath, Lucian closed his eyes and silently demanded that he keep the truth back from her.
And then, instead of doing what he wished, he began to speak.
“When I heard of your accident, I was reminded of what had happened with Lady Pearl,” he said, more harshly than he meant. The words brought pain and sorrow with them and Lucian forced them out, seeing how her eyes searched his. “I was previously betrothed to Lady Pearl, as you are aware.” Biting his lip, he paused, pain beginning to course through his jaw as he clenched his hands tightly. Why was this so difficult to share with her?
“She insisted on riding with me,” he continued, his voice rasping now. “I did not want her to but she was quite determined. Shewouldcome back to the estate with me on horseback and even though I told her it would not be wise, she was determined and I… well, I gave in.”
Lady Rosalind frowned. “And because of this, you believe that I should not be able to take walks in the park?”
Lucian threw up his hands. “Can you not see that I am trying to protect you?” he asked, his voice rising now. “I ought to have protected Pearl from what happened – from the thieves that chased her over the cliff and into the sea – and thus, I am begging you to do what is wise so that you will be protected!” Breathing hard, Lucian looked down to see his hands grasping Lady Rosalind’s, though quite when he had taken her hand in his, he did not know. Making to release it, his breath hitched as her fingers curled lightly around his, her eyes softening.
