Page 32 of The Penitent Duke
“You seek to protect me from myself?” she asked, her voice so quiet that Lucian had to strain to hear it over the noise of the ballroom. “Protect me even from myself, I suppose, in almost demanding that I do – or do not do – what I believe I can? That means, Strathmore, that you must not think me sensible or that I have any wisdom of my own whatsoever!”
Lucian shook his head, struggling to find the words to explain. “No, it is not that. If Lady Pearl had listened to me – and if I had been stronger and insisted that she did not ride on horseback with me to the estate, then her life would not have been lost in the dreadful way it was. I cannot permit myself to make the same mistake again.” The ache in his throatreturned and Lucian looked down into Lady Rosalind’s face, trying to comprehend all that he was feeling and at the same time, not understanding even a little of all that was within him. She had known about Lady Pearl already but he had not told her everything. He had not spoken of his feeling of responsibility, of his regret in choosing not to act in the way he now believed he ought to have done. He had never explained his fear, of the dread that had filled him when he had seen her injured but now, even though he had not explained all in words, Lucian could see that she understood it all.
“I am not Lady Pearl.”
“I know you are not but my concern lingers all the same.”
Lady Rosalind’s lips pursed for a moment. “I am afraid that I will not permit you to forbid me or berate me for things as simple as taking a short walk through the park,” she continued, albeit in a gentle manner. “I will say that I can see now why you might be concerned but that does not mean that you can be unreasonable, Strathmore. And in suggesting that I was, in some way, responsible for this injury because I went for a walk is, I think, rather unfair.”
Opening his mouth to protest that this hadnotbeen what he had said nor what he had intended to express, Lucian closed his mouth again as he saw a slight glint in her eye. Though he did not want to admit it, she was correct in stating that he made it seem as though she was, somehow, responsible for what had happened.
“I am not about to be foolish but I am certainly not going to be held back from reasonable decisions,” she finished, pressing his hand as a spark shot up Lucian’s arm, sending his heart catapulting about his chest when she smiled. “I do hope you understand.”
The tightness in his throat grew swiftly though this time, it did not come from the emotions which had built up when he had spoken of Lady Pearl. Looking down into Lady Rosalind’s eyes, he let his breath out slowly, fighting to keep his heart away from her.
“I presume you are going to ask me to dance?” The corner of Lady Rosalind’s lips tipped upwards and Lucian could not help but smile. Strangely, her audacity did not seem to trouble him as much any longer.
“So long as you are well enough to dance?” he asked, as she took the dance card from her wrist and handed it to him. “I do not want you to be in any pain.” When she assured him she was well, Lucian made to sign her dance card, only to pause. Looking back at her, he held her gaze for a moment. “I truly am sorry for speaking as brashly as I did. I am sure that must have been upsetting when you were already in a great deal of pain and upset.”
Lady Rosalind said nothing for a few moments, though her eyebrows lifted gently. Then, she smiled and touched his arm. “I do appreciate your apology, Your Grace,” she answered, quietly. “That means a great deal to me.”
As you do to me.
The words that etched themselves into his mind confounded Lucian and he could only stare at the lady for a time. It was only when her gaze went to her dance card that he finally pulled himself from it, realizing what it was he was meant to be doing. Blindly, he wrote his name to two dances, recognizing that this was what he ought to do as her betrothed, and then handed the card back to her.
“The waltz, Your Grace?”
Lucian blinked, seeing her eyes a little widened, a flickering light in them. “The waltz?”
“Yes.”She held it up to him. “You have chosen that and the cotillion. A most intimate dance, Strathmore. I confess, I am a little surprised that you have chosen that one.”
With a slight shrug, Lucian searched his mind for a reason to offer her. “It is important that we give society the impression that all is well, I suppose.”
The light that he had seen in her eyes a moment ago faded almost instantly and Lucian opened his mouth to say something else, to pull back on what he had said, but nothing came to him.
“But of course.” Lady Rosalind smiled for only a moment, then dropped her head. “I shall make sure to dance it well.”
“I am certain you shall.”
Try as he might, Lucian could not see even the smallest flicker of light in her eyes now. It was as though he had painted them in darkness with his words, regret washing through him. Nothing he could say now would take away from what he had expressed and, though he told himself to dismiss it, Lucian was surprised at how much he wanted to see her eyes glow like that again.
What is happening to me?
As Lady Rosalind turned away, Lucian let out a sigh, the sound chasing after her. He already knew what was happening to him – and was fighting it with all his might.
Chapter Fourteen
“You are smiling.”
Rosalind looked up at the Duke of Strathmore, the smile on her lips falling away. “Your Grace?”
“You are smiling,” he said again, as Rosalind continued to let him lead her across the dance floor. “That is to say, youwere.”
“I am enjoying the dance,” Rosalind answered, honestly. “I was, truth be told, a little anxious about it all but it seems to be going very well.” This was more than she might ever have been able to say at another dance but given how closely the Duke was holding her and how intimate a dance it was, Rosalind had no difficulty in speaking with him. She said nothing more, however, holding the Duke’s gaze as they danced together.
What she had told him was quite true, shehadbeen enjoying the dance and, were she being entirely honest, had been a little surprised at just how well they stepped out together. She had been initially a little worried that she might forget how to let him lead and where her steps ought to go but now, it was as though they were gliding across the dance floor. The Duke was sure and certain in the dance, holding her gently but firmly enough so that she could follow his lead and now, she was barely giving her steps even a momentary thought.
“It is… pleasant.”
