Page 4 of The Penitent Duke
Lucian shrugged. “Might you consider that I want that?”
“You may want it but it is no life for a Duke – or for any man – to live,” Lord Radcliffe continued, quietly. “That is why I say that it is injurious to you though you will not agree with me, I am sure. Instead, you think that living alone, covering yourself in shadow and dark, is all that you require.”
“It is all that I deserve,” Lucian muttered, pushing one hand through his hair, instantly regretting speaking those words aloud. They were the words that continually rang through his mind, the words that filled his mind, almost his entire being. That was why he lived now as he did, why he skulked through the house and his estate almost entirely alone. He had robbed his betrothed of life itself, so why, then, should he enjoy anything this life had to offer? No, he would do his duty to the estate and to his title as he ought but that was all. The only reason he had accepted the wedding of his cousin was because of the urging from many,manyrelatives, who had all taken it upon themselves to write to him separately – though Lucian did suspect that they had collectively agreed to do so. He had not had the strength to refuse them all and thus, his one excursion to London was soon to come upon him.
“That is nonsense, Lucian.”
It was not the first time that his friend had used his Christian name, but it was rare enough for Lucian’s heart to catch with surprise.
“You did nothing to bring Lady Pearl to her end,” Lord Radcliffe continued, now making his way to the door. “All you did was ride along with her and before you forget,shetook that left path, not you. I believe that Lady Pearl was quite determined to make her way along there despite your protests, as you told me yourself, so what blame do you have for what took place? You were not one of the highwaymen, you were not one who set upon her in that rude and outrageous manner and therefore, you have no guilt. Though, I am sure you will tell me otherwise.”
“I will.”
Lord Radcliffe shrugged. “Then I shall continue to irritate you both with my insistent presence and my repeated promises that you are not to take on any blame in this, my friend. Now, I think I shall see you in London, shall I not? At a ball or two?”
Lucian shook his head, one hand clenching into a fist. “My friend, I have already made it clear that –”
“I am sure you will be convinced,” Lord Radcliffe interrupted, before Lucian could begin again. “Someone will encourage you to make your way to a ball and soon, all of society will be alive with the news of your arrival in London – and then what will you do? Bark at them, rebuke them for even speaking with you? Reject one after another with harsh, unkind words?” A hint of a smile played around his lips but it did not send any light into his eyes. “I hardly think you will do such a thing, Strathmore, even if you are determined to do so. Your character might have altered somewhat but you are not cruel.”
“You speak very confidently,” Lucian answered, a bolt of anger racing up his spine. “I have every intention of behaving just as I please which will, in fact, push thetonaway from me, making it plain to them that I have no intention of being a part of society. And I shall do so with as much harshness and as much determination as I deem fit.”
Lord Radcliffe opened the door, his words floating back towards Lucian as he made his way from the room. “We shall see, my friend. We shall see.”
Chapter Two
“My dear Rosalind, there is something I must tell you.”
Rosalind frowned, looking up at her brother. “That sounds rather serious, Grifford. Is something the matter?”
Her brother ran one hand across his eyes and blew out a long, slow breath – something which made Rosalind’s stomach twist with worry. She set her embroidery aside completely and then looked up expectantly at him, waiting for him to speak.
“I am sorry to have to tell you this, my dear sister but I have been… foolish.”
Rosalind’s eyebrows lifted. “Foolish?”
“Yes.” Grifford swallowed hard. “Father is aware of it. I have only just finished speaking with Mama and him.”
A coldness began to rattle down Rosalind’s spine, making her shiver. “You had better tell me what it is, Grifford. I do not understand.”
Her brother nodded but then sank down into a seat opposite Rosalind, rubbing again at his eyes. A heavy breath rushed out of her as he swallowed again, then winced. “I have been gambling. Heavily.”
Rosalind looked back at him, not understanding. Surely every gentleman gambled, did they not?
“When I say that I have gambled, I should also explain that I have done so to the point of… well, idiocy. On top of which, I have imbibed a great deal and have been told that, very recently, I was found entwined in the arms of a rich widow. The gentlemen who found me will not keep silent, I know it.”
Catching her breath, Rosalind put one hand to her mouth, realizing now what it was her brother meant.
“I am sorry,” her brother groaned, rubbing one hand over his eyes. “I have been unthinking and inconsiderate and I am truly sorry for it! I have not meant to be so and yet I know that the pain I have caused the family will be great. Our father has made it very clear to me that the disgrace I have brought will have a great and heavy impact on all of us – and especially upon you, my dear sister.” He closed his eyes and then hung his head. “I apologise for that.”
Rosalind could not breathe for some time, one hand pressed to her stomach, her chest squeezing painfully. She knew exactly what it was that her brother meant, seeing now that the actions of her brother would not only besmirch his own reputation but hers also.
And this, at the start of her second Season; the Season she had hoped to find a husband.
“I will do whatever I can to help you,” her brother continued but Rosalind, having managed to snatch in a breath, shook her head fervently.
“No. There is nothing you can do and nothing youshoulddo.” Letting her hands fall into her lap, Rosalind closed her eyes and took in a shaking breath. “To have you in my company while under the scrutiny of society would only cast the shadows you presently bear upon me as well… even more than they already do.”
“I am sorry,” Grifford moaned but Rosalind did not even hear the sorrow in his voice. Panic was beginning to rise up in her chest, her vision blurring as tears began to form, realizing just how much everything had now changed for her and for her younger sister, Emilia, who had not yet even made her come out. It was not only that her brother had ruined his own reputation, but he had also ruined theirs. Gentlemen would not want to be associated with Emilia or her because of what her brother had done, for no reputable gentleman would want the disgrace Grifford had brought upon himself to be associated with them and their family name.
