Page 14 of The Reclusive Earl's Scandal
“I do not have to go,” he muttered to himself. “It is not a ball, merely a friendly gathering. I will see my old friends when I am better.”
Better.That was what he had told himself for a very long time, imagining a day where the thought of making plans didn’t send him spiraling. Where he could finally explain why going to a ball with his mother and sister out of obligation was onlyjustmanageable, but the thought of going out in his own time to meet with his own friends had him rattled and shaken like snow caught in a globe at Christmas.
What on Earth are you so afraid of?
His mother’s question echoed through him as he returned to his study to pen a brief note to Thomas, pleading mention of his faux presence, promising to catch up on the next one. He couldn’t endure his mother’s probing, and he hoped the other man would vouch for him.
WhatwasEdward afraid of? He still could never answer why that dread shattered over his head, slicing him with shards he couldn’t avoid. All he saw was his father slumped at a dinner table, the clamor around his death. He saw his baby sisters, curled up together in one cot, inseparable.
“Twin ravens,” he had murmured aloud, still only a young boy himself.
And then there had been only one raven, growing up strong, growing up alone, and Edward had deprived Elena of herlast, remaining sibling. Even if she didn’t recall the twin she’d had, she knew and felt the loss. She would knowsomething. Eloise’s name was barely ever breathed throughout Thornshire, another name, another loss, buried.
Perhaps that was why Edward panicked. The fear of more loss; perhaps it was the culmination of everything his mother let go unspoken that had tangled in him, forming into this anxiety. She must have drowned in her own grief, surely. She must have ached for her lost love. But in being unable to speak of her grief, she had turned cold, overpowering. Unlike her, Edward could not shove it all down. He didn’t know anything about Elena, and sometimes grew too scared to discuss anything from their childhood, or even the event of their father’s death.
Edward finished his letter to Thomas and handed it to a footman before proceeding to take another lap around the townhouse, trying to chase away the ghosts with his presence.
***
“I have prepared a strategy for you.”
Edward turned to his sister as they stood in a corner of the ballroom at the Saltsborough townhouse. The dancing was in full swing, ladies sweeping their skirts, and men eyeing the fuller dance cards even if they knew they would not fit their names onto it, but it meant that was the lady they ought to impress for their popularity.
“I have a strategy,” he lied. “I discussed it at the Greenacre with the other men two days ago.”
“Yes, but they do not know the ballroom as I do.”
He stared at Elena, impressed by how she spoke. She did so as if she was older than her seven and ten years. “Is that so?”
She nodded. “It is a chessboard, brother, nothing more, nothing less. You must checkmate your opponents.” A vague gesture meant the men, he assumed.
“And I must steal the queen?” he mused, smirking.
“Precisely.” She paused and frowned. “Wait, no, not literally.”
Edward gave a small laugh at that, missing these silly moments with his sister without their mother breathing down his neck, influencing Elena. This, he could handle, for she meant well, while his mother only intended pressure. Elena was still a puppeteer, perhaps, but she was nicer about it, at least.
“All right,” he humored. “Show me your strategy me.”
“Lady Catherine is once again in attendance. You must dance with her as you did last time. I would like to see that. Lady Mary Avery is also present. She is quiet, and not your most potential match, but she is high-ranked, and will do you good to be seen dancing with her. Furthermore, there is...”
“Lady Rebecca Bancroft,” he interrupted, finding his friend across the ballroom, already swept up in a lord’s arms. Her smile was not as bright as it had been with him, but instead she looked as though she focused hard, as if she thought harder, and he wondered what sort of strategy she herself had. “I must dance with her.”
He didn’t realize the silence was due to his sister’s surprise until he turned to face her. Her brows were raised, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Perhaps you are slightly interested in this whole parade after all, Edward.”
“Nonsense,” he said quickly.
“Nevertheless, I am glad you have caught the attention of a duke’s daughter. I do not know why you have not mentioned reconnecting with her sooner. I recall her although only vaguely.” Edward went to argue the meaning, but Elena was already carrying on. “However, you must ensure this remains afriendlyconnection only. I really feel Lady Catherine is your best option. She is absolutely perfect.” The lights of the ballroomshone in his sister’s wide, hopeful gaze, and Edward’s sharp edges softened again.
However, despite Elena’s enthusiasm, Edward continued to feel that heaviness of dread pooling in his stomach. He’d enjoyed speaking with Rebecca, and wanted to do so again, but he didn’t want her to be any part of the marriage game he was being forced to play. He wanted to dance with her out of genuine enthusiasm, not because she was a potential match, friendly or not.
I liked her bluntness, Edward thought.I liked that we both admitted having to look for spouses.Surely Elena understood that it was only a platonic connection if they both had eyes on the ballroom for a wife and husband.
“And yourself?” Edward urged. “Who are you dancing with? I must verify them.”
Elena sniggered, dismissing him, but he remained stubborn. That was one of the reasons he had been brought back to London, after all, to oversee her entry into society. After a moment, she gave in, and nodded at a group of young lords near the wine bowl.
“I have enjoyed the company of Lord Matthew several times.”
