Page 62 of The Reclusive Earl's Scandal
Humiliation swept through him at losing his composure for the second time in front of her. Heavens, no, it was probably more than that. But to cry before her, to have her wipe away his tears…
“I hate to cry in front of you,” he muttered, shaking his head. “It is not proper.”
“I have a father who would rather send his family into destitution than speak to his family about what troubles him.” Rebecca’s words were gentle, comforting. “I would much rather sit with you and see you cry, than know my life is destined to be the same as my mother’s. After all, you have been with me when I cried. It is not so different.”
Edward didn’t deserve such understanding. “I do not deserve your patience after I left you last night, and after… after I have agreed to marry you. Lord Billy is right with his cruel words, both about imprisoning you, and not giving you the best life that you deserve. He… well, you know him from when we were younger, when his terrible behaviour included a few nasty names and pushing me lightly. But he got worse when we grew up. He started to know the authority he would have one day, how it would make him and I equal. He realized he could best me at most things, and so he did. But having the upper hand was not enough for him. He had to becruel.
“He would steal things off my person, laughing, never returning it. He would poke and prod me to the point of me snapping so I appeared to be the terrible one. I would shout athim, at times, so in a way, to see me lash out last night would not have been new to him.”
“Yet it was provoked.” There was something knowing in Rebecca’s soft tone, as if she was realizing something.
Edward gave her a helpless look. “I left you alone with him last night.”
“He tried to tell me some things,” she admitted. “And I will confess I wondered at his stories, but he had twisted it all to make you look like the angry instigator.”
Edward nodded, laughing bitterly. “I was struggling. I was a boy who could not endure going out a great deal, but I was constantly forced to do those things that made me too nervous. I was not given the patience to find my feet, and even less so when Lord Billy pieced together how nervous certain things made me. He would tease me mercilessly. I would protest that I could not go somewhere, but he and his friends would drag me there. Things were… they were cruel at times.
“My nervous attacks became worse following my father’s death.” He closed his eyes, picturing his father’s kind face, the words that had helped him overcome so many of his attacks. Not all of them, but a lot of them for certain. “Lord Billy knew that, and it was partly the reason why I fled to Thornshire Hall. I knew I would not have to deal with him, or anybody else. I could find peace, and I had hoped to work through the nervous attacks at my own pace. Discover which events I wanted to attend and which I did not, find a common reason. I tried to work on it properly until my mother forced me back to London.”
Edward squeezed her hands. “I am ever so grateful because it brought me back to you, but my… healing, I suppose I could call it, was disrupted. I am not a better man, Rebecca, and you deserve...”
“I will decide what I deserve,” she told him gently.
I must pull myself together, he thought angrily.I must be better for her. I must assure her that she is not making a mistake, for I cannot lose her.But Edward couldn’t get out of the cycle of deprecation of knowing she did deserve better, yet not wanting to let her walk away.
“I will ensure this does not get in the way of our marriage,” he told her. “I will provide you with an enjoyable life, and you will truly want for nothing, and I will work hard to ensure you are not subjected to ridicule at my side.”
“Edward,” she murmured, her hand sliding up his hand to clasp his wrist. His pulse raced beneath her fingertip. “I am not marrying you for your ability to perform in a social setting. I like your company, and spending time with you has been a joy for me this Season. I enjoy balls, indeed, when I am not forced to play them like a chess game. I like the opera, and parks, and plays, but I also appreciate the quietness of an evening alone, together, reading by the fire. You have many books, and I am certain you can introduce me to ones I have not yet read.”
Her mouth twitched into a smile, as if she waited for him to laugh as well, but when he only continued frowning at his hands, Rebecca spoke again.
“I will support you no matter what,” she promised. “As you do with me, I shall do with you. We will be stronger at each other’s side. I am not making a mistake, and you are not condemning me to a bad life of imprisonment. I believe I know now what I am getting myself into, and that pleases me.”
Edward swallowed back a broken sound, exhaling deeply. “You truly mean that?”
“I do,” she told him, nodding. “All that's left now is to actually have our ceremony.” She grinned at him, a break in the tension he had caused, and he laughed softly. That smile of hers eased his chest a little, and he held her hands to hismouth, kissing them once. His heart swelled at the easy way she accepted things. Acceptedhim.
“I must tell you something,” he said, already trying not to laugh at himself for how ridiculous he was about to sound. “I purchased you your own estate in Bath. That was why I acquired it. I… I feared that you would need somewhere to go that was away from me, that you might be able to pursue whatever it was you wished away from prying eyes. Away from worrying over me finding out.”
Rebecca only stared at him for a moment before realizing what he meant. Her mouth dropped in shock, and she moved back so hard she sat on the bench opposite him.
“You mean to suggest you bought me an estate to find romance while we are married?”
“It sounds absurd now, but yes,” he muttered. “I want you to have your freedom.”
“And I will,” Rebecca huffed. “Withyou.”
Edward only laughed at himself again, shaking his head. “With me,” he repeated quietly, turning his face to look out of the window of the carriage.
***
Edward spent the next three days feeling lighter and more assured, and set about finalizing the wedding ceremony. He had gotten suggestions from Rebecca on what she wanted, and even if she still saw their marriage as a convenience only, he was trying to make the ceremony as lovely for her as he could.
Having requested to speak with the Bancroft cook, he had ensured a big wedding breakfast was being prepared, as well as a several-tiered cake. Rebecca had gone with her mother and younger sister to choose her wedding gown, and now Edward had made the final preparations for his own suit.
He was walking back, considering stopping at the Greenacre,finallyfeeling confident to test more limits, when a hand clamped on his shoulder. Before he could move, Edward was wrenched back. He cried out, stumbling, and immediately twisted to try to fight. He was pulled aside, off the main street, and his back slammed into the brick wall of an alleyway behind him.
The breath rushed out of him, his vision speckling for a minute.
