Page 96 of An Unwanted Widow for the Duke
“Does Papa not like me anymore?” Hector asked, pushing his peas around his plate. “Did he get bored with my stories?”
“His absence has nothing to do with you,” Wilhelmina assured, knowing that at least this part was true. “He has important matters on his mind. Fathers have to make sure that the estates are well-tended. Your father has a large estate, one that you will inherit when you are grown. Of course, he would want to ensure that you will have a good inheritance one day, Hector.”
Hector did not look the least bit convinced. His eyes were suspiciously red and watery, and his brow was furrowed in contemplation.
Wilhelmina tried her best to keep a kind smile for her stepson. It was getting harder as the days went by. Her unease grew, seeing her husband’s continued absence.
Gerard had chosen to shut her out after defending her in front of her fiercest enemy, Lady Farnmont. It didn’t make sense, and perhaps she was being a coward for not asking him about it.
One evening, Wilhelmina decided she could not take it anymore. She wanted to talk to him, even if it meant risking his wrath. Gerard had defended her and protected her. It was her duty to do the same for him if he was hiding his pain.
The study felt unfamiliar now. She had stayed away as much as she could, but it was the closest she could be to him inside the house. Gerard looked engrossed in the ledgers on his desk. Only the meager light of the tiny lamps and dying embers of the hearth illuminated him.
He looked like a man carrying the world on his shoulders.
“We need to speak,” Wilhelmina said softly, closing the door behind her.
His head rose, but the eyes that watched her were barely alive. They were haunted and exhausted. He should have been asleep at this hour, or perhaps she could persuade him to sleep after they had a real conversation.
“Now?” he asked.His tone was not sharp. Instead, it was resigned.
She didn’t know which one was worse.
“Yes, right now,” she insisted. “You have been avoiding me—that much I can tell. Please don’t insult my intelligence by denying it. And while doing so, you also ended up avoiding your son and your home. You can’t possibly think you can disappear into your ledgers and numerous activities and not return with an explanation.”
Gerard sighed heavily. He set his quill down on the desk, doing so fastidiously as if he would rather do anything other than talk about what was happening to him. To them.
“There is nothing to explain, Duchess,” he said wearily.
He had been calling her by her nickname, a familiarity that made her feel safe with him. Warm. Being called by her title set them back several steps.
But then again, didn’t she try to avoid calling him by his name at every turn? Didn’t she still call him by his title, even when nobody else was listening?
It went both ways.
It was only fair.
“Judging by your sigh, you have everything to explain,” she retorted, striding toward him. “Please do not evade me, Gerard. If I’ve wronged you, you must tell me. You must say something.”
Gerard seemed startled that she chose this time to call him by his Christian name, but his eyes quickly left hers to investigate the ledgers. His jaw flexed, seeming entranced by the figures.
“You told me that you still love him. That he was a kindred spirit, the one who saved you,” he said in a low voice.
His hands curled into fists over his ledgers, and his shoulders stiffened. Wilhelmina had never seen him like this before. He was trying to control his anger, but his words were a surprise.
“W-What?” she stammered.
“I’m talking about Robert,” he uttered. His eyes landed on her, hard and questioning. “You still love him.”
The memories from that afternoon come rushing back. Wilhelmina could still remember Lady Farnmont’s accusations. She could even hear her voice. Her grief over Robert had also spilled out before she could stop it.
“You don’t have to explain,” Gerard continued. He rose from his seat, his tall figure making her breath hitch. “I-I just thought that we were building toward something new. That what we have will not remain a marriage of convenience. But now, I see. No, it’s not your fault. You were honest with me. I was the one who went beyond what we talked about. Now I understand that I am merely the man who came after. After the one you loved, or still love.”
“G-Gerard, that’s not…” she trailed off.
She could not speak, not without feeling like something sharp was lodged in her chest.
Gerard advanced toward her, but she felt no fear. His face did not show anger. Instead, it showed a mix of hurt and pride.
