Page 37 of Prudence
“Roberta offers morning classes on Tuesdays,” I said, and her eyes flashed in annoyance at my clear meaning:Maybe you should attend those instead. I hadn’t meant to be rude. Then again, there was no other way my statement could’ve been interpreted.Go meditate somewhere else, please. I don’t want to be around you.
Still, she remained silent, focusing on the front of the room.
“Are you not going to say anything?” I prodded and watched as she pressed her lips together. The only response I received was a firm shake of her head.
I stared at her, intrigued by her silence before I recalled our exchange at the restaurant. She’d declared that she would keep her mouth shut around me, and I’d responded by saying it was a good plan. Christ, I really was an arsehole, wasn’t I?
“I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting,” I said, my voice gentling, and Milly cast me a quick, speculative side glance. She faced forward again, and something in her posture softened as she exhaled and replied at last, “I’m busy on Tuesday mornings.”
“Me, too. I have work.”
“Well, that leaves us in a bit of a pickle, doesn’t it,” she clipped, and something about her attitude sparked my interest. She hadn’t possessed this side when we were friends, but I wasn’t averse to it. I’d noticed it the night she’d turned up at my door to collect Deirdre. When I’d made the horrible comment about her having a kid while still in college and she’d fired back at me in response. I’d been reluctantly impressed. However she’d changed over the years, she certainly wasn’t a pushover.
I continued staring at her, almost physically unable to tear my gaze away. Finally, I managed to face forward. “I guess we’ll just have to get used to sharing this space, then.”
“Maybe we could share it a little farther apart? With you sitting at the back of the class where you were,” Milly replied, not looking at me.
Her challenging response had me reacting in kind. “This ismyclass. I think I’ll stay right here.”
My words had her turning to stare at me, and our gazes locked in a showdown. All the while, my brain shouted at me to get up and return to my usual spot at the back of the room. Then a faint waft of her scent filtered past my nose. I couldn’t tell if it was her perfume or just soap, but it smelled like fuckingheaven. A sort of white musk with a hint of lily and sandalwood. I found myself glued to where I was, unable to leave. She was so arrestingly beautiful as she stared me down that I had to look away first.
Stop thinking about her, just focus on clearing your thoughts.
“I’ll go, then,” Milly said, about to stand when I acted out of instinct, placing my hand on her knee. My palm tingled at the connection, like touching her had the ability to send tiny electrical shocks through my skin. She froze in place, staring wide-eyed down at where I touched her before her gaze lifted, and our eyes clashed once more. It was different now, something less hostile between us as I gazed at her softly and murmured, “Stay.”
I wasn’t sure why I wanted her to remain next to me. It was something I’d have to ponder later. Her throat moved as she swallowed, and then silently, she nodded. I found my fingers flexing on her knee ever so slightly, and I thought I heard her breath hitch, but I couldn’t be certain. Finally, I removed my hand. With any other woman, touching her in such a way might’ve been strange or inappropriate, but I’d touched Milly so many times back when we were friends, and there was something soothingly familiar in the connection.
I wondered if she felt it, too.
There were about thirty other people in the class, and when Roberta walked to the head of the room, lowering onto a mat to sit in the lotus position, I relaxed a little. She hit play on one of the many tracks she used for background noise, this one featuring forest nature sounds and a tinkling river. I focused on the faint rustle of wind dancing through leaves and exhaled heavily.
“Okay, everyone,” Roberta began in a soothing voice as she addressed the room. “Welcome to the evening’s session. Shall we begin?”
I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing while following along with Roberta’s guided meditation. Slowly, I forgot that Milly was next to me, and I sank into a peaceful state. By the time the session came to an end, my stress levels had reduced significantly. I opened my eyes, my attention drawn to the woman sitting beside me. I was much more at ease than I had been at the beginning of the class as I gazed at Milly, remembering the fondness she used to stir in me. There was a time when there was nothing I wouldn’t do for her.
Her eyes were still closed, her chest rising and falling with her deep breathing, and I couldn’t resist drinking her in. My gaze traced the graceful lines of her shoulders, her long neck and smooth skin. Tendrils of dark hair curled around her ears, and her pink lips were open slightly as she released a slow breath. At last, she opened her eyes, and to my dismay, I was still staring when she turned her head, catching me in the act.
I felt like I’d been caught in a snare I didn’t want to escape. I’d always been a sucker for her eyes, endlessly blue and innocent. They pulled me in like nothing else. Her breathing, which had been slow and even only a moment ago, caught suddenly, a stuttering stream of air leaving her lips. Milly ran a hand over her stomach then broke the connection.
“I really needed that,” she said at last.
“That good, eh?” I asked, my voice coming out throatier than I expected.
Her eyelashes fluttered, her body tensing slightly as she looked back at me, before her expression gentled. “Have you been coming here long?”
“A month or so.”
“Well, you were here first, so if you want, I can find another class. I wouldn’t want to …” she trailed off, stopping herself from continuing, but my curiosity was piqued.
“You wouldn’t want to what?”
She shook her head. “It’s nothing.”
“Milly, just say it.”
She bit her lip. “It’s just I overheard the girls talking at my house, and Gigi mentioned the situation with her mother. I understand it must be stressful for you being the sole carer for your kids now, and I wouldn’t want to make this class an uncomfortable place for you to be. I know how important it is to have an outlet when things are tough. With our history, I can understand how being around me might not be very … enjoyable for you.”
Everything inside me tensed as I listened to her speak. The idea of her knowing about Paloma leaving and Gigi’s depression over it had my protective instincts kicking in. It was none of Milly’s business what my daughter was going through. But then I looked into her eyes and saw only empathy and open concern. My defensiveness faded. She was being nice, offering to find a different meditation class so I wouldn’t be put out.
