Page 57 of Prudence
I took the opportunity to study Dad, worry cinching around my chest. Like I said, I’d never known him to be sick and had certainly never witnessed him faint before. Mam came into the room then with her phone clutched in her hand.
“The paramedics are on their way. Hopefully, they won’t be too long.” She knelt by Dad next to Milly before reaching out to squeeze her arm. “We were so lucky you were here,” Mam said to her, and Milly sent her a kind smile then focused on Dad again.
“Padraig, have you had any unusual symptoms lately?”
He appeared to think about it. “Well, a couple of headaches, and the other day my vision got a little bit blurry.”
This seemed to give Milly pause. “What about talking? Have you found yourself having trouble pronouncing words or speaking clearly?”
Dad shook his head. “No, none of that.”
“Any numbness in your limbs or difficulty with balance?”
“Aside from falling over today when I passed out, no.”
“What about the other day?” Mam interjected gently. “You said your hand was tingling strangely.”
“Yes, but I wouldn’t call that numbness exactly,” Dad replied.
Milly pressed her lips together, the cogs in her brain turning, and I desperately wanted to know what she thought might be wrong with him. I didn’t want to ask in front of Dad if something was seriously wrong, though. “When the paramedics get here,I’m going to recommend they run your bloods and send you for an MRI,” Milly said.
“Why?” Mam questioned. “What’s wrong with him?”
“I can’t give a diagnosis without running tests,” Milly replied apologetically, “But I do think you should treat this seriously and have your doctor explore all the possibilities to ensure it isn’t anything serious. There’s no need to worry right now. Fainting can be down to something as simple as exhaustion or even a B12 or iron deficiency.”
“Well, one of those is easy to fix anyway,” Mam said, eyeing Dad pointedly. “If this is down to exhaustion, then you can finally retire and start relaxing a little bit more.”
Her statement had me tensing because Dad retiring meant me taking over at work, and though Paloma as well as my siblings and friends had all expressed their confidence that I’d do a good job, a niggling sense of self-doubt remained. Still, if it meant keeping my dad from keeling over again, then I’d do it. I’d do anything to make sure he was okay.
“I’m not exhausted. I was feeling fine this morning,” Dad argued, but Mam only pursed her lips together unhappily in response. Getting a man like my father to slow down was like getting a yappy dog to quit barking. Not easy. And even if he did retire, I could just imagine him creating lots of projects for himself. He wasn’t the kind of person who could merely sit still.
Milly continued asking Dad about possible symptoms before the paramedics finally arrived. She stepped away, exchanging a few words with one of them before she approached me, placing her hand softly on my arm.
“I can wind up the party if you want to go with your parents in the ambulance,” she offered, and I gazed down at her, memories of what transpired between us earlier flashing through my head. My mouth on her neck, how soft she was, her addicting scent. Everything about Milly drew me in.
“Thank you, yes,” I replied, and we exchanged a meaningful look before I had to leave. Only one person was allowed in the ambulance, so Mam stayed with Dad while I drove with Nuala and Tristan. All the way to the hospital, I oscillated between worrying over Dad and picking apart what I’d overheard between him and Milly. I remembered the few times I’d run into her aunt back in the day, and she hadn’t liked me very much.
At the time, it had baffled me because I’d never normally encountered people who disliked me so immediately without knowing anything about me. But I was more or less a carbon copy of my father, especially when I was a teenager. I’d seen pictures of him when he was young, and we could’ve been twins. If Milly’s aunt saw in me a replica of the man who’d gotten her pregnant and then refused to marry her, it made sense she wouldn’t want her niece anywhere near me. Was that what had happened? Had she told Milly everything that transpired between her and my father and warned her that I would be just the same?
I started to look back on those days, seeing everything though an entirely new lens. Every interaction with Milly was different now that I had this information.
Then my mind went to that day on the beach when I’d gotten down on one knee. I remembered Milly’s face, how she’d seemed so at odds with herself, more regretful than outright rejecting. And events before that day, how she was around me, the way she’d always watch me, then look guilty about it. If I caught her checking me out, she’d wear this expression like she was ashamed, and I’d put it down to embarrassment or shyness, but maybe that was only part of it.
I’d thought the reason she’d wanted to remain friends after I’d asked her to be my girlfriend was because she’d needed to focus on her studies. Now I questioned if that was even the case. Had her aunt spun a tale about Dad that made her feellike she couldn’t be with me no matter how much she might want to? Milly had always shown subtle signs that she found me attractive, how her breath would catch when we touched, how her pupils dilated when she looked at me. It was why her always keeping me at arm’s length had never made a lot of sense.
The morning after her Leaving Cert results night, when she’d slept over in my room and I’d dropped her home the next day, I distinctly remembered her aunt’s car being in the driveway. I also remembered the way she’d tensed up as soon as she saw it. Milly had thought I hadn’t noticed her reaction, but I had. And it made even more sense that she wouldn’t want her aunt to know she’d spent the night with me—even if all we did together was sleep—because her aunt had probably despised my father and likely saw me as just another version of him.
“You seem tense,” Tristan commented as we sat in the waiting room at the hospital. Nuala had gone in search of a coffee machine, so it was just the two of us. “Worried about Dad?”
I cast him a wry glance. “Aren’t you?”
“Of course, I am, but you seem more than worried. You seem … I don’t know, confused or something.”
Iwasconfused. Confused and angry that Milly had never told me about my dad and her aunt. We used to talk for hours back then. Surely there was a moment when she could’ve brought it up. Then again, maybe she didn’t want to paint an unfavourable picture of my father. I’d always looked up to him, and back then, I’d basically hero worshipped him. He was everything I’d wanted to grow up and emulate.
“Has dad ever spoken to you about his relationships before Mam?” I asked, and my brother frowned.
“No, but he was in his mid-twenties when they met, so I’m sure he wasn’t a virgin.” Tristan’s attempt at humour fell flat before he studied me even closer. “What’s wrong? Do you knowsomething I don’t? Please don’t tell me you found out he had a lovechild before he met Mam, and you confronted him about it, andthat’sthe reason why he fainted.”
