Page 70 of The Space Traveller's Lover
Shaillah is restlessly pacing in front of the twin golden columns leading into the space-tunnel. She looks up and around in despair. No matter how hard she thinks about going to the UniverseScope, she’s still in the same place.
“What’s going on? Rothwen!” she shouts, kicking the immovable columns’ bases as if she were fighting an imaginary giant.
In the middle of her outburst, she realises that Athguer has appeared in front of her. Standing under the high arch, he is patiently looking at her, waiting for her to calm down.
“Ah, Shaillah, it’s good to release your inner anger,” he says as she suddenly stops kicking and dejectedly stares at him. Her ashen complexion, from her lack of sleep, is plain for him to see.
“Where is Rothwen?” she moans.
“He is preparing our departure,” Athguer gently says.
“Why didn’t he mention anything to me? Not even Zula-Or knows where he is.”
“Oh, Shaillah. Never expect to know where Rothwen is all the time. That’s how he is—”
“Why am I not allowed into the UniverseScope? Why can’t I summon the scouting-crafts?” she snaps.
“Kuzhma-Or’s orders. You should stay down here during the reconstruction.”
“I suppose I’d better go back into my room. Or shall I call it my prison?”
“I was on my way to the lab towers. Do you want to come with me? It’ll do you good to think about something else.”
Shaillah can hear the muffled rumble of the transport-craft as it rises alongside the railings behind her. She turns around and walks towards the waiting craft without answering, biting her lips as she swallows the spurting bouts of bitterness and sadness.
She keeps looking towards the brightening horizon as they jump in and take their seats, avoiding eye contact with Athguer. As they slowly glide over the ocean into the pink-orange morning sky, he doesn’t interrupt her thoughts, letting her come to terms with her predicament.
“If it makes you feel any better, he asked me to look after you before he left,” Athguer says after a while, trying to break the lingering silence.
As the aircraft pushes through the dome walls and breaks out into the outer ocean, the capsule’s smooth body slides seamlessly through the densest concentration of jellyfish and wandering sea creatures that cannot disperse fast enough, provoking a subtle smile on Shaillah’s stony face.
“Kuzhma-Or is right. I shouldn’t be witnessing all the devastation. It would be too hard to bear,” she mumbles.
“Shaillah, it was going to happen anyway—one way or the other. Things are going to go the Rom-Ghenshar way,” Athguer replies in a matter-of-fact tone.
“Killing, exterminating, obliterating?” she mutters in distress, covering her face with her hands.
“No, no. Redesigning, transforming, expanding, creating a better world,” he ripostes with a reassuring tone.
“A better world?” she asks dismissively.
“Yes! When we finish rebuilding the cities of the new world—”
“A new world,” she says in a poignant tone, “ruled by the Rom-Ghenshars.”
“That’s the law of the universe, isn’t it? The superior mind will, in the end, prevail,” Athguer boasts, firmly staring at Shaillah.
The transport-craft reaches one of the towers. Steadily, it swerves around the enclosing iridescent rings as it rises higher and higher. Shaillahlooks away from Athguer’s piercing eyes as she keeps gazing at the tapering silvery walls all the way to the very top.
“I should not feel for the humans anymore, Athguer. But most terrible of all is the guilt … the guilt!”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Shaillah. You tried to convince them, they did not listen. It’s their fault.”
“Maybe it isn’t such a good idea to keep my memories. I feel so vulnerable, so tied to my past. It’s hard to bear. I can’t take it any longer.”
“Yes, you can, you can. You are a Rom-Ghenshar, remember?” he rebuts. “But with that very special ancestry I’m reluctant to destroy. It’s your memories that make you who you are!”
Shaillah is taken aback by Athguer’s deep-felt response. With a long drawn-out sigh, she tries to cast out her wrenching insecurities and jitters. “I thought you were wary of my memories, my state of mind.”
