Page 59 of Reptile Dysfunction
“Years of being the proper, responsible older brother,” he says with undisguised glee. “Let me have this moment.”
From the pool area, excited voices filter in. The Revelation Day celebration is in full swing, with the water ballet scheduled as the afternoon highlight before the evening’s more formal ceremonies. According to Sloane, half the town is already seated around the pool, including her parents, the town council, and representatives from every business that’s signed with Guardian Solutions.
“No pressure,” I mutter to my reflection.
A soft knock at the door interrupts my moment of self-doubt. Sloane pokes her head in, eyes widening at the full effect of my performance attire.
“Wow,” she says, entering fully. “That is… impressively sparkly.”
“If you laugh, we’re breaking up.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” But her lips twitch suspiciously. “I just wanted to tell you that there’s an unexpected VIP in the audience.”
“Who?”
“Valeria Melrose from Regional News Network. She’s covering the celebration for her integration series.” Sloane’s professional excitement shines through. “This could go statewide.”
My snakes all freeze in horror. “Please tell me you’re joking.”
“Would it help if I were?”
“No,” Sebastian chimes in cheerfully. “But it does add a certain dramatic tension to the performance!”
Before I can respond with appropriate brotherly threats, Dorothy appears in the doorway, resplendent in her floral swim cap and sequined senior swimsuit.
“Places, everyone! The music is about to start!” She pauses, taking in my full appearance with misty-eyed approval. “Oh, Thaddeus. You lookmagnificent.”
Magnificent is not the word I would choose, but my snakes pick up on her genuine emotion, several softening and leaning toward her.
“Break a leg,” Sloane says, squeezing my hand. “But not literally. Your company has too many contracts for you to be on disability. Besides, we don’t need another injury.”
“Your support is overwhelming,” I deadpan.
“I’ll be front row center,” she promises. “Right next to the mayor and the news crew.”
Fantastic. Nothing completes public humiliation like high-definition video coverage.
Despite my objections, the opening notes of “Under the Sea” (the Silver Swimmers’ musical selection) filter through the speakers. Sebastian gives me a thumbs up before heading to join Aspen in the audience. Sloane’s parting kiss leaves me momentarily forgetting my impending doom.
Until Iris pokes her head in. “NOW, Thaddeus!”
The pool area has been transformed with underwater lighting, making the water glow an ethereal blue. Bleachers surround three sides, packed with familiar faces—townspeople who once whispered fearfully about the intimidating Gorgon enforcer, now clutching programs that describe me as “The Protector of the Deep.”
At the viewing window in the deep end, children press their faces eagerly, waiting for the performance to begin. If I don’t miss my count, every one of my students is there, most of them giving me jubilant thumbs ups.
The Silver Swimmers take their positions, creating their opening formation as the music swells. I wait at the deep end ladder, mentally reviewing the choreography that’s been drilled into me over countless humiliating rehearsals.
“And now,” Mayor Whitaker’s voice announces over the sound system, “the Harmony Glen YMCA Silver Swimmers present ‘Deep Harmony: A Celebration of Integration,’ featuring special guest Thaddeus Fangborn!”
Polite applause turns to audible gasps as the underwater lights shift to spotlight the deep end where I’m positioned. Taking a deep breath, I slide into the water and push off from the wall, executing what Mabel calls the “majestic underwater approach.”
Through the viewing window, I see children’s faces light up as the LED lights on my snakes’ bowties activate underwater, creating the intended “magical effect.” Despite my embarrassment, there’s something unexpectedly powerful about their delighted expressions—no fear, just wonder.
Surfacing in the center of the Silver Swimmers’ formation, I execute the rippling motion that’s meant to symbolize monsters revealing themselves. The audience’s reaction is a mix of surprised laughter and genuine applause.
From my vantage point in the water, I catch glimpses of familiar faces—Sebastian grinning widely, Aspen filming with her phone, Mayor Whitaker looking surprised but impressed. And Sloane, front and center as promised, her expression a flawless blend of amusement and pride.
The routine progresses with surprising smoothness. Silver Swimmers glide with unexpected elegance for women their age, flowing around me as I execute my “protective patterns.” Sequined costumes catch the LED glow, scattering shimmering reflections across the water’s surface and the ceiling above.
