Page 106 of Resisting the Temptation
“Why are you so afraid of kissing? Or relationships?” Izzy asks.
Damn, they’re hitting me with the hard questions. I explain my thinking. How kissing leads to feelings, and feelings lead to heartbreak.
“It’s just safer.”
Hannah, Elli, and Izzy are looking at me with matching pitying expressions, and I can’t stand it. They don’tunderstand. They all have amazing partners who practically fell into their laps.
Sure, Hannah’s ex-husband was an absolute piece of shit, and Elli doesn’t have a stellar dating past, but both of their experiences lead them to the men they’re with. Izzy was lucky enough to find “the one” inhigh school.That’ssorare.
I know Talmage was engaged a year or so ago, but I don’t know if he’s dated anyone since. I wonder if he feels like me.
“I know you’ve been burned in the past, but take it from two people who didn’t want to see what was right in front of them.” Elli motions to herself and Hannah. “The best thing we ever did was take a chance on our guys.”
Hannah nods her agreement. “Ben’s a good guy, Emma. I don’t think you have to worry about him breaking your heart.”
“Take a chance on love. And for God’s sake, put that man out of his misery and let him kiss you!” Izzy adds.
“I have to agree with them, Emma. You’ll regret it if you let him go. Don’t wake up years from now wondering ‘what if?’” Talmage sounds like he’s speaking from experience.
“We’re circling back to that in a minute,” Izzy whispers to Talmage.
Maybe they’re right. Maybe it’s time to finally let someone in. Ben’s already shown up for me more than anyone else I’ve seriously dated.
“I don’t know how to let him in,” I admit quietly.
All four of them wrap me up in a group hug as tears rim my lash line.
“Talk to him. Tell him how you’re feeling. A relationship is built on trust, so trust he’ll see the darkest parts of you and still want you.”
I hope they’re right. He’s already seen more of me than I’ve shown anyone in a long time, and he hasn’t run. That’s got to mean something.
“Okay, fine. I’ll take a chance. Can we move on and talk about Talmage now?” I joke, and Talmage shakes his head.
“No, thanks. My love life is non-existent. Just work, work, work.” He laughs awkwardly.
“Nope. You’re clearly trying to work through something, so spit it out, dude.” Izzy pats his shoulder reassuringly.
Talmage’s shoulders slump. “I’m just… tired of the dating thing, I guess. When my engagement ended, I was relieved because we weren’t very compatible, but I was dreading the idea of dating again. My parents are on my case about getting married. I hate that I’m still in the Young Single Adult ward because so many of the women are a good six years younger than me—some are a whole decade younger. I don’t want to date someone younger than twenty-five. And…” he trails off and rubs his hand over his mouth.
“And...” I prompt.
“You guys are happy? Even though you’re not in the church?” He looks at each one of us like he’s looking for validation.
All four of us know what it’s like to want to leave but worry our lives will get worse if we do. We all know it takes a lot of strength to finally free ourselves from the dead weight of the church.
Talmage doesn’t seem like he’s asking because he wants to judge us. He sounds like he’s looking for answers he hasn’t been able to find.
“My life’s never been fuller or happier,” Hannah answers, and we all nod in agreement.
“Sure, our lives aren’t perfect, but they wouldn’t be perfect in the church either,” I add.
“But don’t you guys miss your families? Don’t you miss the community or—or the sense of safety in the church?”
“I mean, not if my family’s love comes with conditions,” Elli says. “I found a family—a community—with Wes’s friends. It’s much healthier and more reliable than the one I grew up in. And I think I speak for all of us when I say the church wasn’t a safe place for us.”
Talmage’s eyebrows shoot to his hairline, and his mouth drops open. “What do you mean it wasn’t a safe place for you?”
The four of us each had different experiences in the church, but the result is the same: the church hates women.
