Page 107 of Resisting the Temptation
“I was blamed for having multiple miscarriages. They said it was because I wasn’t worthy,” Hannah explains.
“I was told if I lost weight, I’d have a better chance of getting a husband,” Elli adds, and Hannah and I murmur our agreement.
“I had to have meetings with the bishop every month between when Elli left and I moved out because everyone was worried Elli would ‘steer me down the wrong path,’” Izzy admits.
Talmage looks at me, and I debate keeping this to myself, but I think he deserves to know. “I was told itwas my fault I was raped. My rapist and I went through the repentance process at the same time, and he was able to obtain a temple recommend in less than two months, but I wasn’t even allowed to take the sacrament until three months later. I was labelled as a risk and wasn’t able to serve a mission.”
Izzy and Talmage both gasp. They’re the only ones who didn’t already know. I’m sure there were whispers around the family, but no one knows the full story because no one really cares enough to ask.
“Are you serious?” Talmage whispers.
“Unfortunately. I’m going to be blunt with you, cousin. The church is only a safe place for white men. Specifically,wealthy,straight,white men. But it’s not a safe place for women or people of color. Not even children. The church protects itself and its assets before protecting the members.”
Talmage looks like he’s just been served raw chicken with a side of moldy bread and an uncooked potato.
“I knew it sucked, women not having the opportunity for priesthood, but… I didn’t realize…”
Izzy pats him on the back almost condescendingly. “The system doesn’t seem broken to those who benefit from it. Sounds like you’ve got some research to do.”
Talmage just nods. “Yeah. I guess I do.”
Chapter 51
Ben
Ilike Emma’s cousins’ partners—her cousins, too.
Morgan’s hilarious and super chill. Wes is quiet, but he’s kind and teases Luke relentlessly in a way that reminds me of my relationship with Mateo. Luke is still a kid, but I can tell he’s a good one. They all treat their girls like they’re the best thing to ever happen to them. They look at them like they’re the sun, moon, and all the stars.
I probably look at Emma the same way.
I thought it would be awkward to tag along with them and not have Emma’s familiarity to keep me company. While I miss her, I’m not uncomfortable.
“So, Ben, you must be a great guy to lock down Emma. She was pretty adamant about not being in a serious relationship last year,” Morgan says from the driver’s seat.
I huff out a laugh. I don’t know if I can open up to them without hurting Emma, but I could really usesome advice. I can’t ask Mateo orPapà like I usually would.
The urge to ask virtual strangers for advice about a woman I’m not even dating feels strange, but their significant others are related to her, so maybe they have more insight than I do. And I could use all the help I can get.
“If I tell you something, can you promise it stays between us?” I ask the group.
All three of them say “no” at the same time, and we all laugh.
“Sorry, but I won’t keep things from Elli. Whatever you say will be shared with her, but I can promise it won’t be repeated further if you don’t want it to be,” Wes says, the other two murmuring their agreement.
I can respect the fact they don’t keep things from their girls. It’s clear they all love them infinitely and would do anything for them. Even Luke, who’s not even twenty, has a healthier relationship than I’ve ever had.
I sigh. “We’re notactuallydating. It’s just sex. Emma hasn’t been in a relationship in over four years, and she’s…”
“Skittish?” Morgan finishes.
“Yeah. I don’t want to push her too hard and risk losing her. I’ve already fallen head over heels, but I doubt she feels the same way.”
“Take it from someone who almost let the girl of his dreams go because I didn’t think she felt the same way,” Wes says, “you’ll regret not telling her how you feel. Even if it might scare her away, you’ll never know if you don’t try.”
“I agree. My situation is different, obviously. I waited until Hannah was ready, but she’s the one whoended up making the move to take us from fake to real. She was still dealing with the aftermath of her divorce at the time. I think if you wait for Emma to make a move, you’ll be waiting a long time.”
I sigh. “That’s what I’m afraid of. You all think I should just… buck up and confess my feelings?”
