Page 118 of Resisting the Temptation
God, that kiss.
My lips are still tingling from the possessive way he kissed me.
“I feel like I’ve been dying of thirst for years, and you’ve finally quenched it and brought me back to life.”
Jesus.I didn’t even know how to respond to that. That’s the kind of declaration made in romance novels and movies, not in real life to your fuck buddy.
I’ve barely slept. Mostly because my brain won’t shut the hell up and stop running around in circles trying to figure out what Ben means, then trying to figure out if I want to tell him howIfeel. Then trying to decide if I want to just… run away from my feelings again.
I almost blurted it out when he asked how I was feeling last night. But I couldn’t bring myself to say the words and risk rejection. I didn’t want him to think it was in the heat of the moment.
Like I’m wondering if his declaration was in the heat of the moment.
Part of me worries it was, but another part of me really wants to believe he means it. The little girl who was never loved how she deserves wants the kind of love he talked about—the kind of love she’s dreamt of all her life. An all-consuming love, but one that feels safe.
Can Ben really be that for me?
I mean, he kind of already is. The man has heard more of my trauma in the last week than anyone else—otherthan Jordan—and didn’t run for the hills. He met my family for Christ’s sake!
I snuck out of bed while he was sleeping so I could get ready and get a handle on all of my emotions before I’m stuck in the car with the man I’m in love with—who says he’s in love with me, too—for over ten hours.
Ben knocks on the bathroom door, and I let him in so he can get ready. I try to sneak past him out the door before he can grab me, but he snakes his arm around my waist and pulls me in for a tight hug, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. The tender press of his lips makes me want to cry all over again.
“Good morning,Dulzura.I should be ready to go in ten.”
I nod against his bare chest, feeling his heartbeat under my cheek like I did last night when I was laying on him. It’s steady and calm and helps soothe some of my frayed nerves.
Ten minutes later, both of our bags are packed, and we’re making one last sweep of the hotel room before heading to the car.
“Can we make one last stop before we go?” I’ve been avoiding visiting Andy’s grave. It always feels like reopening a barely healed wound whenever I see his name engraved on the stone, but I don’t know when I’ll be back in Utah to visit.
“Andy?” Ben asks, and I gape at him.
“Uh, yeah. How did you know?”
“You haven’t asked, but I figured it would be important for you to visit him. I was going to ask if he was buried in the Cottonwood Heights cemetery so I could take you to see himbefore we left.”
It feels like my voice is filled with gravel as I confirm that’s where he’s buried. Ben plugs the address into his phone, and we drive there in silence. Ben holds my hand, and I try not to let it shake.
He thought about it—about me, about Andy.
About how important it would be for me to visit him.
What am I supposed to do with this man?
Marry him.The love starved girl in my head screams, and I have to ignore her.
He was supposed to be a grumpy asshole who only wanted to fuck, but he’s turned into a fucking love-struck, gooey sweetie pie who does things like hold my hand, kiss my forehead, and take me to visit my deceased brother.
We walk through the neatly trimmed grass of the cemetery towards a familiar pine tree in front of Andy’s grave. His headstone is framed with fallen pine cones, which means some of my nieces and nephews have been here recently.
His headstone is engraved with his name, his birth and death dates, the Denver Mustangs logo, and a depiction of snowy mountains and a pine tree.
I plop down in the cold, dead grass, and Ben sits next to me.
“Hey, big bro. Grandpa Monson died, and his funeral was yesterday. If there actually is an afterlife, I’m sure he’s already wrapped you into one of his death grips of a hug. Um,” I motion to the man next to me, “this is Ben. We’re—”
“Dating. I’m her boyfriend,” Ben interrupts and shoots me a wink.
